Dont jokes
They don't have parents because they left when you were 0.
I don't beat up midgets.
That would be punching down.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Candace. Candace who? Candace be true, you don’t remember me?
Why don't gays shop at sports authority?
They prefer Dick's.
Job interview: "What's your greatest weakness?"
"Honesty."
"I don't think honesty is a weakness."
"I don't give a fuck what you think."
Q: What's the difference between a CEO and a beer can?
A: Beer cans don't bleed when they get shot.
The term "every 60 seconds" is so stupid.
You know Africans don’t get seconds.
Kermit the Frog and Fozzie Bear were having a picnic.
Fozzie said, "Do you know where Ms. Piggy is? I haven't seen her all day."
Kermit said, "I don't know, but this extra bacon cheeseburger sure tastes great."
When a woman says, "I need to be treated like a delicate flower," don't cut the wrong cord on the bomb.
What's the difference between a dead hooker and an onion?
I don't cry when I'm cutting up a dead hooker.
Why don't orphans like getting lost?
Because if people find them, they ask, "Where are your parents?"
How many CIA agents does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
They don't need lightbulbs--they glow in the dark.
Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.
Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.
Don't click the link.
Repeat after me: Die angle; die angle; sweetie. Angels don't die! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Ever heard of account stealing?
Ever heard of someone by the name of "#SHUT THE HELL UP GWEN DON'T EVEN DATE PRINCE ON FACE BOOK!!!!!!!! I HATE IT WHEN UR HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"?
Why do they call them a nonce?
Because they go for people who don't have any sense.
"Hey Kels, what's on your arm?"
"Oh, that was the cat."
"We don't have a cat..."
"Oh..."
"Officer, don’t arrest me, she said she was 5 in dog years!"
If you don’t know the difference between their, there, and they’re, then you're an idiot.