Dont jokes

They don't have parents because they left when you were 0.

I don’t like stairs. They are always up to something.

Me: What’s the definition of “ignorance”?

Friend: Don’t know?

Me: U STUPID!

I constantly wonder how people can live happily ever after, but then I realized that antidepressants don't make you OD.

Women be like chivalry is dead, then don't say thank you when you open the door for them.

I don't need a girlfriend, 'cause I got my cousin, bro.

My name is Shelly Bobby... I don't know my last name.

I mess up goats for unicorns?

Jimmy the Unicorn or goat.

I don't even know.

Don’t panic! Stay c-almond collected.

If I don't get a bf by the end of this month, Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging from the roof.

How do you make a body disappear?

You use an axe, black plastic bags, a forest, a shovel, and some ice cream because killing someone and chopping them up and digging holes in the ground and putting dirt over them is a lot of hard work!

P.S., I'm joking and don't condone these actions.

Son: Dad, if I told you I was gay, would you still love me?

Dad: Don’t be silly son, you were an accident. I never loved you in the first place.

Q: What did the ocean say to the boy?

A: Nothing! Oceans don't talk, silly!

Herpes? No, I don't want her. Her pees.

Why do orphans not like laptops?...

They don't have a homepage.

I wanted to play Fruit Ninja, but remembered I don’t have a phone. Guess I gotta draw fruit on my arm!

"Don’t look! I saw you peeking through the window."

Bye, I'm Paul Badman. Did you know that you don't have rights? The Articles of Confederation say you don't, and so do I. I believe that until proven innocent, every woman, man, and adult in this country is guilty. And that's why I don't fight for you, Santa Fe!

What’s the difference between a life and a nuclear bomb?

I don’t have a life.

Why can’t two Chinese ppl make a white baby? Bc two wongs don't make a white.