Dont jokes

Some guy interviewed me and asked how it felt to kill thousands of people. I replied, “I don’t know. I’ve only killed communists.”

I don't understand why the Twin Towers were super upset.

Their pizza just got there a lot faster by plane.

So I went to my friend's house and he told me to make myself at home, so I kicked him out. I don't like visitors.

Anakin Skywalker: I don't like sand.

*also him*

Anakin Skywalker: I lived on sand.

One day, I was walking through a park when I realized it was crowded.

To this day, I still don't know who let the children out of my basement.

Mommy, Mommy! Are we dragons?

Shut up and don’t breathe on the drapes.

"What did we hit?"

"I don't know, a rock."

What's the difference between a hundred decapitated babies and a Ferrari?

I don't have a Ferrari in my garage :|

Man: Why can't an orphan use Verizon?

Kid: I don't know why.

Man: Because they have a family plan.

Kid: Well, I need to get another phone service now.

How many emos does it take to fix a light?

I don't know because they never came down.

Why can't an orphan play baseball? They don't know where home is.

Some kid online: I f*cked your mom.

Me, an orphan: Jokes on you, I don’t have one!

Do you know why boys can't ask girls out? Because they don't have any balls to ask girls out!

"Don’t look! I saw you peeking through the window."

If I don't get a bf by the end of this month, Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging from the roof.

I constantly wonder how people can live happily ever after, but then I realized that antidepressants don't make you OD.

Why can’t orphans go to the hospital? Because they don’t get homesick.

Stupid Mary Jane was swinging on the swing.

Her momma said, "Stupid Mary Jane, don't swing so high, the boys will see your underwear!"

Stupid Mary Jane laughed and laughed. She knew she wasn't wearing no underwear.

I wrote a joke on MH370... but I don’t know where it went.

What's the difference between a terrorist base and an elementary school?

— Don't ask me. How should I know? I'm just the drone pilot.