Dont jokes
Julie: What's the difference between a chimp and a pizza?
John: I don't know.
Julie: Remind me not to send you to the store...
Why do you let your dads sleep so they don't get grumpy and eat your dinner?
I don't really trust the press. Sometimes they wear badges that say "press," but if you press those badges, they just fall over, all surprised.
Alya, I need to talk to you now. If you don't reply, I will kermit the not living, and if you don't think I will, I will post your OnlyFans photos I get every month for $5.99 a week (high price if you ask me)!
Neona (😞): Are you mad at me?
Gwen (😌): Me? NEVER! Sometimes we listen and don't listen, let's just hug it out!
Neona (😁): Agreed!
Friend A: "Why are you still a virgin, bro?"
Friend B: "I was until last night."
Friend A: "Nah, nah, who with?"
Friend B: "Your sister."
Friend A: "I don't have a sister."
Friend B: "Just wait 9 months, you'll see."
I don’t call it special ED, I call it mixed vegetables.
A girl with no arms and one leg goes to her mother and asks: "Mom, next year for the carnival, can I dress up as a princess?"
The mother replies: "Why? Didn't you like the ice lolly dress from last year?"
Why do orphans want parents? Because they don't want to be left out.
I don't trust anything that bleeds for more than 5 days and is still alive.
Why don’t alligators grow up to 15 feet?
They only have 4.
What do you call a chair?
I don't know. What?
Oh, hi, Chairity!
"Don't sneeze!"
Every time I was in the bathroom with my friends, I would always tell them, "Don't sneeze!" and when I did, they just laughed so hard. And when we sneezed, we laughed even harder.
Also,
"It dangles and swung!"
Language art quizzes are the best.
What do you call a chair with a hat?
I don't know; the real question is, why was the chair wearing a hat?
A woman in labor suddenly shouted, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Couldn't! Didn't! Can't!"
"Don't worry," said the doc. "Those are just contractions."
Who are you to believe if you don't believe in unicorns?
I have no puns because I don't play soccer.
Idiot 1: Why are cows good in math?
Idiot 2: I don't know why.
Idiot 1: Because they have built-in cowculators!
Mary has a house near a forest. She lives with her bro, and she once asked, "How many trees are there?" Her bro said: "I don't know." She said: "Tree."
Mom: I'm going to the shop. If someone is at the door, don't open it.
Me: Ok.
*Ring*
Me: Opens the door.
Oh sh*t!
Mom: Gets flip flop.