Dont jokes

Why can't orphans exit out of their games? They don't have a home button.

Girl: Dad, where are you?

Dad: I went to go get milk.

Girl: But we have milk.

Dad: I know, I just don't love you.

My friend just got hit by a car and is now in a wheelchair. He is getting bullied, but I don’t understand why he just can’t stand up for himself.

Don't say "stay positive" to the wrong doctor.

Please don't get mad, it's a joke.

What's the difference between a bullet and a police officer? At least when a bullet kills someone, it's fired.

What do doctors say to patients who blow wind backwards?

DON'T PUT THE FART BEFORE THE FORCE!!

Dear Gwen and Prince,

Gwen and Prince, sorry for being mean and cussing and other messed up nonsense. To be honest, I really just wanted to be your friends, all both of you! BTW Prince, Gwen is not dating Aiden...I don't even know who Aiden is! Sorry a million times, Zreina.

Nina, you better run to hell. You're going there anyway!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You don't be mean to Alex!!!!!!!!!!! He is sweet, kind, loving, and protective!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A Spanish magician is trying the disappearing trick. He counts "Uno, dos..." and leaves no trace.

I don't know, my friend did it.

You don't have a forehead, you have a fivehead.

You don't have dreams, you have movies.

I don’t believe in reincarnation now, and I didn’t believe in it when I was a hamster.

—Shane Richie, British actor

Friend: If you could get rid of any one person in your life, who would it be?

Me: Me.

Friend: *does nothing*

(x_x)

I forgot that I don't have friends.

I would rather do my own laundry, not my uncle's laundry, because I ain't no damn butler like Alfred from Batman. I don't live in no damn Batcave by Gotham tity.

So funny hahaha this is why I don't have friends :(

What do you call a kid with no arms or legs?

Don't matter what you call him, he ain't coming.

Kids, next time you have school dinners, make sure you have something you actually like so you don't have to shove all your food over to one side of the plate to make it look like you've eaten more than you actually have.

Don't you feel an empty feeling...

IN YOUR SKULL!

"Lettuce" stop making vegetable puns. We don't carrot all about them and they're not a-peas-ing.

Everybody is talking about Trump having leaks in his office.

I don't see what the problem is. He should just use a better fitting diaper next time.

Angela: Kris, I just met the nicest, sweetest guy ever.

Kristie: Who is he and what is his name?

Angela: His name is Kevin.

Kristie: Kevin? I remember him. He said he had to go to Italy for a meeting, never seen him after that. What the hell is Kevin doing here?

Angela: I don't know.