Dont jokes

Girl: Come over.

Orphan: I can’t.

Girl: My parents aren’t home ;)

Orphan: Just two things I don’t have.

Fun fact: If you're an orphan, you probably don't know your parents.

Me: I fucked your mom.

Orphan: I don't have a mom so you fucked the air.

My uncle got really badly burned the other day.

They don't fuck around at the crematorium.

Dear algebra,

I don't want to find your X. I don't know Y she left you.

Do you know why I don't like stairs? They are always up to something. #dadjokes

Angela: Kris, I just met the nicest, sweetest guy ever.

Kristie: Who is he and what is his name?

Angela: His name is Kevin.

Kristie: Kevin? I remember him. He said he had to go to Italy for a meeting, never seen him after that. What the hell is Kevin doing here?

Angela: I don't know.

Attention! Has anyone noticed that Watersharky and Kitten are dating? It's strange because they haven't said anything for 28 DAYS!!! They been keeping it a secret...(I guess). Someone needs to keep track of this. GOD, I just thought further into life with their relationship. DON'T DO THAT.

Once a man goes to a restaurant. Then, he was waiting until the waitress comes and tells him that they don't have food.

He was grumpy, but the waitress make him relaxing by unbuttoning her pants and undressing her panties and uncovering clothes from her pussy until everything get striped, then she say to him: "Good meal."

What’s the best thing about Switzerland?

I don’t know, flags big plus.

I raped a girl and I liked it.

I hope my girlfriend won't mind it.

It felt so wrong, it felt so right.

Don't mean I'm in love tonight.

What's the #1 rule of kidnapping prevention?

Don't get carried away!

What's the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.

Why don't Indians play soccer?

Because every time they take a corner, they open up a shop.

Mia’s mother has 5 kids: Lilly, Abby, Alexa, Mila, and.... Q: Who is last? A: Mia.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Little old lady. Little old lady who? Little old lady, you don’t need to yodel about it!

What is the difference between a feminist and a gorilla?

At least gorillas don't abort their own.

Women be like, "Don't body shame," then goes to body shame men's heights.

You get hit by a wave, but you don't get wet. Why?

You were hit by a shockwave!

What does a deaf person and an orphan have in common? They both can’t hear their parents.

Why can’t an orphan go to Family Dollar? They don’t have a family.

Don’t mess with an emo because if their friends pull up, you gotta fight the suicide squad.

What is the difference between an American and an orphan?

They don't have a home to get their guns.