Doesnt jokes
Why did the royal wedding get more publicity than a school shooting?
Cause a royal wedding doesn't happen once a week.
I bought a rainbow gun, but for some reason it doesn’t shoot straight.
Why don't you see black people with Down syndrome?
Because God doesn't punish someone twice.
I gave an orphan an iPhone X for a reason.
It doesn’t have a home button.
(Bus Driver) What did you learn in school today?
(Kid) We learned that you are a sussy baka.
(Bus Driver) Oh yeah? Well, I quit!
(Kid) Quit what?
(Bus Driver) Living.
(Kid) But it was a joke!
(Bus Driver) Doesn't matter. I will die, but you will still be alive.
(Kid) Ok.
(Bus Driver) That was a joke, too!
Me: Hey, how are you?
Depression: I'm doing fine. We are just looking for a home :3
Insomnia: Mommy, can we get a home?
Anxiety: Insomnia, wait for mommy to finish.
Depression: Anyway, here is my resume!
Me: Okie, thank you. Ok... mhmmm... WOW! Okie, this is a nice resume! (Didn't Read it...)
Depression: Also, I have two more friends that want to move in too!
Me: Ok, and their names?
Depression: Their names are: PTSD and Trauma!
Me: Ok, they seem fine (Doesn't know about them)
Depression: Okie, here is the money (a penny :(). Thank you, we will call you if we need anything.
Me: Ok, see you soon! :3
Me now hates my life. :)
A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed. The daughter says, "God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and God bless Grandma and good bye Grandad." The father says, "Good bye Grandad? Why is that?" The daughter says, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, Grandad drops dead.
The father can't believe the coincidence, but decided not to question it. That night, he listens to the daughter's prayers again. She says, "God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma." The father is shocked again and asks his daughter why, but she says again, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, the Grandma drops dead and now the Father is getting worried but doesn't know what to do, so he tries to forget about it. That night, he listens to his daughter again and she says, "God bless Mummy and goodbye Daddy." The father is now terrified and goes to work the next day sweating, cancels all of his meetings, and hides in his office for the whole day. He doesn't go home and stays there until midnight. He's very surprised. 'I've cheated death!' he thinks to himself, then rushes home. His wife asks, "Where have you been?!" and the husband says, "Oh don't ask me any questions, today's been miserable." The wife replies, "Your days been miserable? Well, listen to my day! Firstly, the milk man drops dead on the porch..."
Orphan: "I want to be a superhero."
Me: "You should be Batman."
Also me: *starts laughing* because Batman doesn't have parents...
What's the difference between a woman and a washing machine? The washing machine doesn't follow you after you put a load in it.
So I painted my laptop black, hoping it would run faster... Now it doesn't work.
My friend was told by her doctor that she was morbidly obese.
As if she doesn't have enough on her plate.
It only takes 4 inches to please a woman.
And it doesn’t matter if it’s credit or debit.
What's the difference between a gay man and a freezer?
A freezer doesn't scream when you put meat inside it.
Why doesn't Jesus participate in Battle Raps?
All his comebacks take three days.
Why doesn't anyone play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
What falls down the building and doesn't get up again?
An emo.
I have a huge thought: if Satan punishes people who are bad, doesn't that make him good?
Why can't a missing child play baseball? Cuz he doesn't know where home is.
A little riddle...
Trump has it short, Kennedy has it long, the Pope has it but he doesn't use it, what is it?
...
Obviously the Surname, what are you thinking about you pervert?
Just letting you know if people cry when they see you, that doesn't mean they miss you. That means they're scared of your onion breath.