Doctor: you'll be at peace soon, sir. Me: what am I dying? Doctor: no your wife is.
Patient: doctor every time I look in a mirror, I feel ill, as if I'm about to throw up what's wrong with me? Doctor: I don't know but your eyesight is perfect.
A pregnant wife and her husband were in a hospital as she was in labor. The doctor suggested using a machine that transfers the birth pains from the mother to the father. They agree, so the machine is used. 40%, the husband feels nothing, 70% still not feeling anything, 100%, nothing.
The doctor says it must be broken. When the pair return home, the milkman is dead in the front yard.
Patient: where are you taking me, doctor? Doctor: the morgue Patient: hang on! I'm not dead yet! Doctor: and we're not there yet!
When you were born, you were so ugly, that the doctors slapped your parents. 👏🏻
Michael Jackson gets really ill, so he's rushed to hospital. When they get there, he says, "Am I in heaven?"
The doctor replies, "Nah, sir, we're just taking a quick shortcut through the children's ward."
Day 70 without s3x my doctor asked me “are you s3xually active?” I said “why what u tryna do?”
I bet when you were born the doctor looked away because of your virginity.
Your forehead's so big, when you were being born, the doctors thought you had no face.
"Doctor, I'm shrinking!"
"Well, you'll just have to be a little patient."
"I have good and bad news," the doctor said to his patient. "Give me the good news first," the patient said. "Your test results are back," the doctor said, "and you have only two days to live." "That's the good news?" the patient exclaimed. "What's the bad news?" "I've been trying to reach you for two days."
My doctor said I only have 1 year to live, so I killed him. Got sentenced to life in prison, problem solved!
Yo so small that wen you go the doctor he doesn’t no you there
A Doctor walks into his office and look his paitent in the eyes "Sir you have to stop Jerking off." The Man ask "Why?" The Doctor then says "Because im trying to examin you."
A boy went to a doctor, and the doctor said i cant treat you, the boy asked why, and the doctor said because im a family doctor.
What did the bird to the hospital for? For tweetment!
What do priest and doctors have in common?
They both do physicals on kids.
Doctor: I’m going to have to turn you away. Orphan: But why? Doctor: Because I’m a family doctor.
What did the cancer doctor say You just got a new Christmas present
Cancer
I was walking down Main Street when I saw a child.
I told him, "I will give you 20$ if you get my balls back from the vet."
He replied, "Why did they take your balls sir?"
"Beer plus going to the vet does not work well for everybody, especially when you're a furry."
