Dispute jokes

My wife wanted to make a joke about domestic abuse, but I beat her to it.

Many years of sex in the dark.

The wife finds out he was using a dildo. The wife gets angry and says, "Explain the dildo, prick!"

The husband says, "Explain the children, bitch!"

My sister argued with me that you can't make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face when I drove pasta!

Family feud after finding out about Alabama.

Can people please shut up about "male privileges"? There is no right that men have that women don't.

Women have the right to genital integrity. Women can vote without having to sign up for the draft.

Women have the right to choose parenthood; men do not.

Women have the right to be assumed caregivers for children.

Women have the right to call unwanted, coerced sex rape.

Women have the right to lower jail sentences for the same crime.

Women have the right to not be assumed sexual predators.

Women have the right to government departments that solely serve their interests. They also have the luxury of "women only" events that men cannot even dream of. (They even took the boy scouts away from us.)

Women have the right to government-enforced gender quotas.

Women have the right to exclusive tax benefits for being a business owner.

Women have the right to domestic violence shelters.

Women have the right to not be assumed the primary aggressor in a domestic dispute.

Women have the right to rape a man or boy, and if she gets pregnant from that man/boy, they can sue him for child support.

So it is women who have more rights.

So shut up, feminists, please.

An orphan and a homeless man get into a fight, so he yells in a mirror.

When I saw a dead body on the ground and my editor was filming, I told him to censor that a-hole. When I saw the completed product, he censored me. Then I killed him.

What do you call two guys fighting over a slut?

Tug of whore.

An Aboriginal Australian told me that I was on his farmland.

So I told him he was on my cock.

(I'm Australian btw, respect to my American bros🇺🇸)

If 2 vegetables have an argument, it's called beef.

My Dad keeps beating me and my mom. Please call the police. My name is Jacob Upchurch.

OK, guys, quick update, what is going on with Freshfry, Drew, and Alya?

All they're doing is fighting, and I want to put an end to it. So Freshfry, Drew, and Alya all need to read this, OK. First, Freshfry, you should've just said OK the first thing he said, and Drew... really? You had to keep egging him on. I don't know about Alya, but it's like cats and dogs fighting. Just please stop fighting :(

I would like to say that Jace, I disagree with you a lot, and I think you’re a very delusional person.

Fight in the comments.

If I agreed with Leo, then that wouldn’t solve anything. It would just make BOTH of us dumb.

Why do some couples make their status "single" after a small argument? Like, I don't put "orphan" after I get into an argument with my family.