Diet jokes

What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable?

The wheelchair.

When a fat person steps on a scale, it says: “To be continued.”

One time I ate a chair.

Every time someone calls me fat I get so depressed I cut myself…

A piece of cake.

What does Stephen Hawking have for food?

The reason why I stopped eating salads was not to be unhealthy; it was so I don't need to eat the wheelchairs along with all those fucking vegetables.

What’s big, red, and eats rocks?

A big, red, rock eater.

What's the difference between a baby and a sweet potato? About 140 calories.

How do you properly eat a vegetable?

You tip over the wheelchair.

Your mom is so fat she ate an iPad and said, "Ahqah!" funny food mmm banana and hehe haha! And what deal with airline food? It's not white and it's not black and it's not Asian!? AHAH? DSF

If some girls are vegan, then why do they suck dick?

What's an old man's favorite food?

Wrinkled onions.

The sad thing is when they ride the scooters in Wal-Mart... Really, you declining to walk is what got your fat ass in that scooter to begin with... And damned if they aren't buying diet soda... Please... cull this shit... We don't need them in society... KFC is not a disease.

What do you call a gun that doesn't kill anyone?

- A VEGUN.

Why couldn't the emo kid hang himself?

After eating through his feelings, the belt wouldn't fit around his neck.

What do cows eat for breakfast? -- Moosli.

Why do vegetarians give good head?

Because they’re used to eating nuts.

For 15 cents a day, you can feed an African child. They eat spare change, I guess.

You shouldn’t bully fat people.

They already have enough on their plate.

Losing weight is a piece of cake. Just don't pick it up.