Diet jokes
What do you call a food fight that's been going on for years?
A war of nutrition.
If you wanna get fat, what's the quickest way to do it?
Eat two jars of mayo each day, and in about a month, your scale will have your phone number!
What do you call the mushy stuff between sharks' teeth?
A slow swimmer...
Yo mama so fat, when she goes on a diet, it ends world hunger.
What’s a cannibal’s favorite food? A vegetable.
Why do vegetarians give anonymous blowjobs at the glory hole at an adult book store? Because they don't want anybody to find out that they like meat.
What is the difference between a feminist and a vegetarian? A vegetarian doesn't eat meat for moral, religious, or health reasons. However, a feminist doesn't act like a bitch for moral, religious, or health reasons.
What did the frog order?
A diet Croak!
What does a gay horse eat?
Haaaaaaay!
When a fat person steps on a scale, it says: “To be continued.”
I didn’t eat breakfast because I’m starving myself.
What do kids call a balanced meal?
A hamburger in each hand! XD XD XD XD
Q: Gaining weight is gonna be a piece of cake.
Life is like a McDonald's meal; it only lasts 7 seconds for fat people.
You're fat. Don't sugar coat it because you would probably eat that, too.
I have a big bag of Doritos in the kitchen. It's only for people who are skinny, but the fat people can't have any. All they do is suck it up like a lollipop.
Hey, I got some Domino's pizza, salad, breadsticks, and chicken wings for everyone. Yeah, but make sure Ms. Mandingo gorilla don't eat all up, because if she do, I'm going have to shove it up her fur.
Why did Kristen Stewart fart on the set of Charlie's Angels? Because she ate too much damn chili for breakfast I made for her. I just forgot to put my foot in it.
Are you having rabbit and duck for dinner?
Yeah.
Why?
Because I got too obsessed with hares.
Why did Bella Thorne pass gas on "Shake It Up Chicago?" Because I gave her too split pea soup for breakfast.