I'm a recovering cake addict.
Why can't blind people have a seafood diet?
They have to see food to eat.
What did the teacher say to the fat Turkish kid that always ate in his class?
"You could do with Ramadan lasting all year, couldn't you?"
Vegetarian: I prefer plants.
Herbivore: I just like food.
Cannibal: I'm a people person.
What did the fat girl say to the donut?
"I'm going to eat you tonight..."
Fat people are thirsty, so I piss in their mouth.
Have you heard about the awesome fruit race?
The lettuce was ahead, but the tomato was able to ketchup!
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
Why did the orange go blind? Because he was low on vitamin C.
Life is like a box of chocolates, it doesn't last long if you're fat.
Why do lions 🦁 go to SUBWAY 🥪?
Because they like to EAT FLESH.
What do penguins 🐧 eat for lunch?
Freeze burgers.
Instead of walking through the door, the owner of the house broke in through the window.
When he came out, a man standing on the sidewalk walked up to him and asked why he hadn't just walked through the door. The owner responded, "I'm pollo vegetarian, and I really just wanted a bit of food."
When the man looked confused, the owner said, "Windows are nature's vending machine."
What do you call a cow with no toes?
Lac-toes intolerant.
Q: Why is Japan the healthiest country?
A: Last time they had a fat man, 80,000 people died.
Your mom is so fat she ate an iPad and said, "Ahqah!" funny food mmm banana and hehe haha! And what deal with airline food? It's not white and it's not black and it's not Asian!? AHAH? DSF
I had to give up my vegetarian diet.
Turns out they're a lot harder to catch than cows.
Your mum's so fat that when she goes to KFC, they run out of stock of chicken.
A man in conversation with his friend says that his wife is on a 3-week diet. The friend curiously asks, how much has she lost? The man replies, "her life."
What's an old man's favorite food?
Wrinkled onions.
