Die jokes

Your momma's so depressed, she shot herself in the head hoping she'd die.

My uncle died in the 9/11 attacks. He was the best pilot I had ever met.

Stephen only died because his wife tripped over the power cord.

Why did Steven Hawking not go to heaven after he died?

He could not get up the stairs?

Two of my grandpas died in WW2.

Their tower fell over.

"Abortion: Another word for dying at spawn."

Guess Stephen's batteries died.

Roses are red, give me some limes, boy dies after masturbating 42 times.

If you cut off your head, you can't breathe.

You also can't breathe if you die.

So why isn't it debreathiation?

We need more women in the military! They can bleed for weeks and still not die!

Yo mama so stupid, when her phone dies, she buries it.

I'll always remember my Dad's last words before he died on 9/11... Allahu Akbar!

My friend died from an allergic reaction. He gave me an EpiPen while he was dying, so now I have something to remember him from.

Man, choking on sugar seems like the sweetest way to die.

Why did he die?

Because God made a mistake and pressed Ctrl+Z.

I didn’t know Stephen Hawking died. Oh god, it must have been when I disconnected the Wi-Fi!

What did grandpa say before he died in the hospital bed?

"Boy, could you put my phone on charging?"

One day, there was an ugly barnacle. It was so ugly that everyone died. The end!

Q: What were my son's last words before he died?

A: "Bye, Dad, I am going to school."

Did you know that graveyards are the most popular place in the world? Yeah, people are just DYING to get in there...