Die jokes
"If all of these structures break we will all die."
And I said, "Hey, that is not supportive!"
And he said, "It would be breaking news."
My departed uncle was a circus clown before he died.
So all his friends came in one car.
A cat gets its tail run over, and its mother assured him it’ll be okay. “You just have to stay PAW-sitive!”
The mother was later killed in her sleep because her son hates puns. At the funeral, one of her daughters said, “You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW!”
Guess who dies next.
Don’t you hate it when your teacher(s) say, “just focus, it’s that easy?”
And then you die inside.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
His core i5 Overheated. XD
I didn’t know Stephen Hawking died. Oh god, it must have been when I disconnected the Wi-Fi!
Three nuns died in a car crash. They went up to heaven at the pearly gates. The gatekeeper said, "This really should not have happened, so I am going to send you back to earth as different people. Tell me who you want to be or look like." The first nun said, "I want to look like Madonna." Puff, you look like her now, but you can’t use her name. And sent her down to earth. The second one said, "I want to look like Marilyn Monroe." He then makes her look like her and sends her down to earth. The third nun said, "I want to look like Sarah Pipalini." The gatekeeper says to her, "Sarah Pipalini, who is that?" She gives the gatekeeper a newspaper article. He reads it, shakes his head no, and says, "It’s not Sarah Pipalini, it's Sahara pipeline laid by 500 men."
One weekend some distant family members that I hadn't met before came over. My cousins (who I also hadn't met before) were fighting, so I decided to separate them and place them in opposite corners of the room (thinking it would help).
My mom took me to an empty room with tears in her eyes and told me they both ended up dying.
Well, SO-RRY, but I didn't know they were conjoined twins.
How did Stephen Hawking die? Because he didn't charge his batteries.
What did Stephen Hawking's computer say when he died?
"ERROR"
What did grandpa say before he died in the hospital bed?
"Boy, could you put my phone on charging?"
Mother: Jack, I have good news and some bad news, which would you like to hear first?
Jack: Bad News first.
Mother: I'm dying!
Jack: Mother, I said bad news first.
Mother: *cries*
Jack was never seen again.
Why did Steven Hawkins die?
Because he got a virus.
Two of my grandpas died in WW2.
Their tower fell over.
What is the difference between Sir Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed?
Sir Isaac Newton died a virgin.
Where do you take Stephen Hawking when he dies?
The Apple repair store.
What do your teacher and your friend have in common?
They will both die eventually.
Levon Aronian's wife died in a car crash. That's wheelie unfortunate.
Man: Did you know pidgins die after having sex?
Woman: No, really?
Man: Well, the one I fucked did...
Luigi was dying and had two sons. Bruno was handsome, but Alberto was ugly.
He said, "Maria, tell me, is Alberto my son?"
"Yes, Luigi," his wife said, and he died happily.
Wife said, "Thank God he didn’t ask about the other one!"