Die jokes
When you're in the war and you die and say to God, "Where is the gulag?"
Only if Africans knew about condoms, so many mosquitoes wouldn't die of AIDS.
Weirdo: I'm too high to die!
Me: You'll just fall harder.
Stephen Hawking died because he was too far away from the Wi-Fi router.
An apple a day, or you'll die anyway.
So accurate
Stephen Hawking died because his wife misunderstood him when he said, "My Windows Needs Updating." She had the double glazing removed, and he fell out and died.
My great grandfather died in 9/11.
He was an amazing pilot.
Your mama is so stupid, when her phone died, she bared it, lol.
What's the difference between meat and fish?
If you beat your fish, it'll die.
What's the difference between my phone and my sister?
I actually give a damn if my phone dies.
Bully: You're gonna die.
Me: Hurry up then.
If the US ate chicken, it would die.
Where do you go when Steve Hawkins dies?
Microsoft.
Q: Why is Japan the healthiest country?
A: Last time they had a fat man, 80,000 people died.
What do Batman and orphans have in common?
Their parents died.
Why did Stephen Hawking die when he logged onto Facebook?
It took all his info!
So, I’m not sure if it’s a joke, but I thought it was funny. So imagine you try to die by shooting yourself, but you sneeze and pull the trigger... I don't know about you, but I would’ve been mad. Because wtf, I wasn’t readyyyy!
I only remember my father's last words before he died. He said, "Are you still holding the ladder?"
A conductor was conducting a song. At the end, he threw his conductor's stick and killed someone. He was put to the electric chair, but nothing happened. They asked why he didn't die, and he replied, "I'm a bad conductor."
A man drinks beer and jumps off a tower, and he's okay. The other guy says, "Whoa, how'd you do that?"
He does it again, so the guy gets a beer, the same beer, and jumps off. He died.
The bartender looks at the original man who jumped off and says, "Superman, you're a real butthole whenever you're drunk."