Die jokes

What do classical musicians do when they die?

They decompose.

I would like to die like my Islamic father, in his sleep, but not like the rest of the people in the plane or those in those identical towers.

I called the suicide hotline in Iraq. The person got excited and asked if I can drive a truck.

A bus full of nuns die in a car crash and end up at the pearly gates where Saint Peter greets them, "Hello sisters, welcome to heaven. Before you enter, I must ask you all a question." He asks the first nun, "Have you ever touched a penis?" Well, she said, "Just once, with the tip of my little finger." "Ok, dip it in the holy water and you can enter." He repeats the question to the second nun. Well, she says, "I might of held one once." "Ok," says St. Peter, "wash your hands in the holy water and you can enter." Just then, there's a commotion down the line. One nun is trying to push in front of another. St. Peter says, "Sister Susan, there is no rush, you will get in." "That's fine," she replies, "but if I have to gargle that stuff, I want to get in before Sister Mary sticks her arse in it."

When ordering food at a new restaurant, my wife asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken.

“Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”

Genie: You cannot wish for more wishes, immortality, or love.

Man: I wish not to die a virgin.

Genie: I just said no wishing for immortality!

If I die, does my depression die with me?

Q: What's the difference between a prison and a concentration camp?

A: At least you don't die when you shower.

What happens if you inhale too much nitrous oxide (laughing gas)?

You die of laughter.

Why did he die? He forgot to get a new GPU for his new PC.

Al Fayed’s son arrives at heaven’s gates and sees his driver.

He shouts “you stupid cunt!”

The driver says, “Watch, Boss?”

Dodi replies...:

“I said I WANT TO FUCK DI IN THE TUNNEL NOT FUCKING DIE IN THE TUNNEL!”

What will die immediately instead of having to suffer torture on the spike of a Judas cradle? A Geometry Dash icon.

I harvested indigo to make dye. I made the dye. I made a number dye. I dyed the dye. I rolled the dye. It made me die.

Suicide really isn't something to joke about, unless it's hanging yourself.

It's a really quicker way to die, and less blood spilled for your mother to clean up.

Why did the rooster cross the road?

To Cock-A-Doodle Die. Now you have a rooster pancake. My favorite. ^^

Why do orphans die so much?

'Cause MJ said "she got COVID-19."

What do you get when you die in Undertale and go to Temmie Village?

DeterMIENATION

With the sentence "Die in Hölle," you can buy shoes in Germany.

If anyone ever makes a time machine, please make a bunker for Hitler/the Nazis and send them to 2050. I want to see who would die first, future us or them.

Chuck Norris makes the living room the dying room!