Die jokes

Q: What was the last thing Kurt Cobain said to Courtney Love before he died?

A: “Holes gonna be big.”

what do you call it when a person dies in Panera Bread?

Panera dead.

I told a diabetic boy to have sweet dreams, and he died the next morning.

A guy goes onto a rooftop bar and is sitting next to a guy who says he’s drinking a magical drink. He asks, “What’s so magical about it?” The guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. The other tries, but falls off and dies.

The bartender shakes his head and says, “Y’know, you’re a real jerk when you’re drunk, Superman.”

dont make jokes about the accident my dad died in it he was the best pilot in all of Saudi Arabia :(

Twinkle, twinkle little star. I hope I'll get hit by a car. I am not dead yet, I hope I'll die. I hope I'll be born to a new whole life.

What is the difference between Betty White and Paul Walker?

Betty didn’t reach 100 before she died.

What was the last thought Jesus had before he died?

"Man, I could really use a crowbar right about now."

I just heard that the inventor of the autocorrect died the other day.

May he rest in pizza.

I got jealous when my phone dies.

My girlfriend's dog died, so I got her a new one in replacement, and she went off on me and yelled,

"What am I supposed to do with 2 dead dogs in my house?!"

What's Technoblade's favorite show and is the only one he can relate to?

Peppa Pig: Peppa Dies!

Ex: baby i miss u.

Me: sorry i can't talk, i'm at a funeral.

Ex: who died?!

Me: my feelings 4 u, bitch.

Can some hot depressed suicidal guy give me his number so we can cry about being depressed and wanting to die?

My uncle died on September 11. He was the greatest pilot in all of Saudi Arabia.

You've probably heard this one before, but screw it.

What's the difference between Jesus Christ and the kid I just killed?

Jesus Christ probably died a virgin.

What happened after Technoblade died?

Everyone got raw pork chop.

Three men walk into heaven at the same time. They all live in the same city. God asks the first man, "How did you die?" The man says, "I have a heart condition, and I've been suspecting my wife of cheating for some time. Anyway, I get home from work and I see my wife on the bed and a man hanging off the balcony. I get so mad and stomp on the guy's fingers! He falls into a bush, so I throw a refrigerator on him." God asks the next man, "How did you die?" The man says, "I was cleaning the windows, and then this crazy man starts stomping on my fingers! Luckily, I fall safely in a bush! But then a refrigerator falls on me!" God asks the third man, and he says, "I was the one in the fridge!"

American soldier: "Did you come here to die?"

Australian soldier: "Nah mate, I came 'ere yesterdie."

My grandma always said, "Slow and steady wins the race."

She died in a fire.