Die jokes
Today I passed the exams to be a funeral director!
Too bad it's a dying trade. :)
My departed uncle was a circus clown before he died.
So all his friends came in one car.
Why did the orphan cry? Because he was an orphan and he watched his parents die.
Did you hear about the two-car pile-up in Mexico? Yeah like 200 Mexicans died.
So you know how sheets are always so tight at hotels?
Well I looked under the bed and there is a freaking room cleaner holding the sheets. All he says is "Don't ask or you shall die!"
me dying in cuphead or hollow knight: 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬
How did Stephen Hawking actually die?
He lost Wi-Fi connection.
I was dying when I called my sister and she said, "Hi, this is Pepperoni's pizza and abortion clinic; your loss, our sauce. How may I help you today?"
When your cousin dies and everybody thinks you're her.
FUCKING MENT
What do birds and children have in common?
If you shoot them, they die.
Yo mama is so ugly that when Santa came to the house and saw a picture of her, he died.
I'll unplug your life support for my phone that's about to die.
Why did the chicken cro-
UM, ACTUALLY, THE CHICKEN CAN'T CROSS THE ROAD UNLESS IT'S UNDER SOME ROOSTER OR HEN SUPERVISION OR ELSE THE CAR WILL CRASH THE CHICKEN, AND THEY WILL DIE. 🤓
I would tell a joke, but I’m sad my dad died in 9/11. He’s the greatest pilot that went down with the Twin Towers.
Weirdo: I'm too high to die!
Me: You'll just fall harder.
How do stars die? Usually a overdose in an airport.
Q: What were my son's last words before he died?
A: "Bye, Dad, I am going to school."
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because his wife changed the Wi-Fi password.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
He tried to download a free version of Windows.
I take back my comments on the United healthcare CEO.
Being poisoned by a nurse wouldn't be that bad of a way to die as long as the nurse diluted the potassium chloride first.
How do we know Stephen is dying in hell?
There’s a stairway to heaven.