Die jokes

What's the difference between an abortion and a baby girl in China? Nothing, they both die.

Stephen Hawking died because his wheelchair couldn’t run Windows 10.

Two of my grandpas died in WW2.

Their tower fell over.

He died because of a fuck up by the Hospital. Apparently, the doctor said to the nurse, "You can discharge Mr. Hawking now," so she went to his room and pulled the plug out of his computer.

My friend told me that he saw a yacht went close in to the yeti's eye, so I said to my friend, "Did the yeti kiss?" But my friend said, "No, the yeti have to play games every single day, or the yeti will die."

Roses are red, violets are violets, my dad died in 9/11 and he was a good pilot.

A lady asked if I heard about the mass shooting in Ohio. I said yes, my friend died there. She said I’m so sorry. I said yeah, I tried telling him the police had good aim. Worse than that, he just found out his sister was cheating on him.

Did you hear about the gay Indian who died?

He was a brave sucker.

A man and a giraffe walk into a bar.

After a few drinks, the giraffe falls over and dies. The man begins to walk out when the bartender stops him.

“Hey, you can’t leave that lyin’ there!” The bartender yells out.

The man turns around: “It’s not a lion. It’s a giraffe.”

Yo mama is so huge, when she was born everyone died.

This kid was going to sleep and he said, "Night, Mum. Night, Dad. And night, Grandma, and bye, Grandpa." The next morning, Grandpa died, and the next night he said, "Night, Dad. Night, Mum. Night, Grandma." Grandma died the next morning. The next night he said, "Night, Mum, bye, Dad," and they heard the postman died because he was the dad, lol.

When ordering food at a new restaurant, my wife asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken.

“Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”

The reason Stephen Hawkings died is probably because he fell off his wheelchair, and he must've pressed shut down by accident.

My dad died in 9/11, and that was the second worst thing that happened to me with a plane, next to Soul Plane.

How did the gay man die? Homicide.

I went into a dark basement with a flashlight, but then it died, but I was not scared. I was actually delighted.

"Sing in music lesson"

"I want to die, I want to die, I want to choke myself, break my neck and die."

Before my grandad died, he whispered to me, "Is your uncle still in the basement?" I said he has died. Oh, my grandad said, "I will lock him in heaven's basement."

What died on 9/11?

2,996 people.

The reason why Steven H. died was that someone poisoned his chocolate mousse.