Die jokes

My ex's dad died while she was texting me. She said she had a boyfriend, but I told her I had a dad.

You fighting? More like you're dying!

When I die, I'll let everyone I kept dear lower my coffin into the ground.

So they can let me down one last time.

I should probably stop making jokes about 9/11.

My dad died to it, he was a great pilot.

Me and my friend were cranking 90s in Fortnite, then our other friend joined, started flying a plane. We died like all the people in 9/11.

I wonder if any of these people are still alive.

Anyways,

When I arrived at the pearly gates when I died, the guardian asked me how I died. I told him I was just hanging around.

Once I was riding my bike and saw a $5. I jumped off and died.

Why did so many people die in the Grenfell Fire Disaster in London?

All the exit signs were in English.

Three Europeans head to an island. They are captured by the island people. They are going to kill them, and they plead. They grant them a chance to live. The island people tell them to grab a fruit from the tribe's garden and bring it back, then to follow the task at hand.

The first guy brings back a peach. The island leader says, "Stick it up your ass. If you laugh, you die." The first guy shoves it up his ass and laughs, so they kill him. The second guy brings a grape, he does the same and laughs, making them kill him.

The first two are in heaven together. "Peaches are fuzzy, so I laughed. How the hell did you die? You had a grape!" says the first guy. The second guy replied, "It didn't tickle at all. I laughed at the sight [of] the third guy was bringing over a pineapple."

P.S. My brother made this up when he had no meds... I almost died.

What does ATM stand for?

Answer: Amy’s Terrible Mom.

😂🤣

Here is a story, my best friend was Chinese, his name was Chong-king. I took him to a restaurant one day and he said, "I am Chong-king." I said I know your name is Chong-king, within a few minutes he just randomly died making weird noises and turning blue by every second.

Anyone know what happened?

If I die, does my depression die with me?

I know everything about Walt Disney! How he died, how his mom and dad died, how his kids died, when he was born, where he was born, and how he was born. 😏

What gets bigger when it eats but dies when it drinks?

Answer: fire.

I would like to die like my Islamic father, in his sleep, but not like the rest of the people in the plane or those in those identical towers.

Pilot: This is my last flight, everyone.

Passengers: *Clap*

Pilot: I became a pilot for one reason: To conquer my greatest fear.

Flight Attendant: And what is that?

Pilot: Dying alone. *speeds up towards Twin Towers*

Also the Pilot: Now who is ready to play some Jen---

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your grandma died, your dad left you too, Now you're living with your old grandma coot. Oh, let's not forget your mom left you, too. You gon' live alone, die alone, with no roses on your casket, too.

I would go suck some titties, but I’d rather die from being shot than cancer.

Died and came back sped. I call that rien-tardation.

What did the two towers make after they died? The One World Trade Center.