New Die Jokes - Page 17 - Worst Jokes Ever

A man was sitting in the restaurant and ordered a whole buffet. He is visited by an oracle. Apollo says, "If you eat that buffet, everyone you love will die."

"Up yours," the man said, "What are they going to die of, famine?"

Moments later, there was an incident that took place in the restaurant. Everyone literally died. It turned out the restaurant had a B-. I said, "Is that really a thing groaning on the hospital?"

The doctor said, "Know that is your condition, you have hepatitis B-."

"What the FU***** SH**"

Apollo is sitting in Mount Olympus, dying also in laughter.

I am sick and tired of horror movies; it is always the stupid ones that die first. When you see a guy in a dark, bloody coat and a knife, he ain't there to just look at yah run; don't scream, run!

MOM: Honey, I'm pregnant.

DAD: Hi, Pregnant, I'm Dad.

MOM: No, you're not.

At school, Bobby's classmate tells him some depressing stuff. Later that day, Bobby comes home crying and his mom greets him at the door with "Why are you crying?" Bobby says, "Someone said my grandpa died, but when did he die?" His mom looks him straight in the eye and says, "Depends, which one are you referring to?"

How did the orphan die?

Of sadness.

When I go to weddings, old people will tell me I'm next, but when I go to funerals, I tell old people they're next.

These jokes make me want to die.

where do suicide bombers go when they die? everywhere!

Why did Steven Hawkins die?

Because he got a virus.

How did Stephen Hawking die?

His computer got a virus.

I'll slit your throat and kick you in the gut till you die one time.

Your momma's so depressed, she shot herself in the head hoping she'd die.

A man is walking on a bridge and sees a lady over the railing.

Man: "Ah, suicidal eh? Are you gonna jump?" Lady: "Yep. I hate this world." Man: "Well, if you're gonna die, can we have sex before you jump?" Lady: "Hell no! You creep!" Man: "Ok, fine. I guess I'll just wait until your corpse washes onto the shore."