Didnt jokes
I went to the aquarium this weekend, but I didn’t stay long. There’s something fishy about that place.
What's the difference between a female NCO and a zebra?
A zebra didn't have to suck and fuck to get its stripes.
Why didn't the oyster share its pearl?
Because it was a cunt.
When they said sin was ugly to look at, I didn't know God would use you as an example.
Unfortunately, I had bad luck and faced infidelity.
Picture this: the bedroom door opens and I see my girlfriend in bed with two men...
I didn’t expect her to come back so early.
Yo mama so fat that when she went to the fatty competition, they said no because they didn't want professionals.
(Just a joke, she's probably kind.)
Yo mama so fat that when she went to the fatty competition, they said no because they didn't want professionals.
Time flies by, doesn’t it?
But the plane in 9/11 didn’t.
I didn't break my back in the accident, thankfully.
But I can break yours today, hopefully.
Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire.
That made my father very mad, as we didn’t have a fireplace.
Helen Keller: *Gets knocked to the floor*
Helen Keller (in her head): "Wow, I didn't see that coming!"
Why was the North Tower a bad doctor when the South Tower collapsed?
Because the North Tower didn’t do CPR.
Why didn’t the autistic boy like Minecraft?
There was a new texture pack.
How did "Bloody Mary" become a thing?
Because her husband beat her bloody when she didn't stay in the kitchen.
Yo mama so fat, when she jumped, I didn’t laugh, but the floor cracked up.
I know this isn't an orphan joke, but I didn't know where to say it, so yeah.
I threw a nut at the allergy table and screamed, "YES, TRIPLE KILL!"
Friend 1: Did you?
Depressed friend 2: I didn't!
Friend one: Swear on your life!
Depressed friend 2: I swear.
A week later friend 2 dropped dead to their utter delight.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? "Why?" 'Cause she had no arms.
Why did Sally drop a broom? "Why?" 'Cause she had no arms.
Why did Sally go swimming? She didn't like not having arms.
Knock knock. "Who's there?" Not Sally, she hasn't come back yet.
I threw a dodgeball at a blind kid and got him out... guess I can say he didn't see it coming!
I didn’t know how to fasten my seatbelt. Then it clicked.