Didnt jokes

My wife said I didn’t listen to a single thing she says.

What a weird way to start a conversation!

If the UK is 6 hours ahead of us, why didn't they just warn us about 9/11?

I took my 5 year old son to ride some roller coasters. I think he didn’t like it because I challenged him to a no hands contest.

He said, "But I don’t have any." He wanted to know what dark humor is. Now he knows what it is and what it feels like.

Why are people in Japan so thin?

Because it didn't end well the last time a Fat Man was there.

My fish died, and I didn't do anything. I just took my fish for a walk.

Why didn't Michael Jackson date 25 year olds?

Because there were only 20 of them.

I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.

Then I was even sadder, because that lucky guy didn't even *need* shoes!

What did the blind kid get for his birthday?

I don't know, he still didn't look.

I remember waving at this guy in the street. The a**hole didn't wave back... Come to think of it, he was also swinging around a weird stick.

Yo mama is so fat that when she fell, I didn't laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.

What's the difference between a dad and the Twin Towers? The Twin Towers went black and never came back, and the dad was black and just didn't come back.

This emo kid wanted to join a group of emos, but he didn't make the cut.

My grief counselor died just the other day.

He was so good though, I didn't care.

My boy, I think it is about time that I leave this world. Now draw your weapon and kill me now!

*draws a picture of his "epic" sword*

"What... WHAT... WTH ARE YOU DOING SIMPLETON? I DIDN'T MEAN THAT KIND OF DRAW!"

Why did the emo break up with her boyfriend?

He didn't wanna hang out.

Does Eminem like M\&M's? Cause if he didn't, that would be like "they're" not liking "there."

A teenage boy decides to go see a hooker for the first time and asks his experienced uncle for some tips.

"Uncle, what should I do about the hooker name? Should I ask her real name or should I come up with a name for her myself?"

"Kid, I've been fucking hookers for 20 years and I didn't even know they had names."

I regret my abortion.

I didn’t know child labor was an option.

I was walking by the gun shop earlier and saw everything was 40% off. I didn't know back to school sales were already starting.

The 911 people really didn't scramble fast enough, so they got folded like an omelet.