Didnt jokes
My fish died, and I didn't do anything. I just took my fish for a walk.
I went to see my dentist, and she warned me it was going to hurt. Then, she told me she was having an affair with my husband. Good news though...the cleaning didn't hurt.
Did you see the blind guy trip on a can?
He didn't either.
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
I made a website about orphans.
It didn’t have a homepage though.
he don't hate me fully
Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?
Because he was sans and too lazy to get his butt off the couch.
Did you hear about how that deaf man got a ticket?
It's ok, he didn't either!
Why did Jesus create the Devil?
He didn't recognize himself through the time portal.
My mom told me to make my dad smile, and she will give me $100, so I said, "The Cowboys are gonna win the Super Bowl." He smiled, but my mom didn't give it to me.
Anyways, I forgot about my package coming, and the mailman came, and I said, "I like your hat; teal looks nice on you," and he smiled, and my mom gave me $100.
I didn’t know Stephen Hawking died. Oh god, it must have been when I disconnected the Wi-Fi!
I took my 5 year old son to ride some roller coasters. I think he didn’t like it because I challenged him to a no hands contest.
He said, "But I don’t have any." He wanted to know what dark humor is. Now he knows what it is and what it feels like.
Little Johnny walked into class with a black eye, and the teacher said, "Why do you have a black eye?"
Johnny said, "Well, me and my parents have to share a bed, and my dad asked me if I was asleep and I said no, so he smacked me."
The teacher said, "Well tonight, don't say anything."
The next day, Johnny walked in with another black eye, and the teacher said, "Why do you have another black eye?" Little Johnny said, "Well, last night, I did what you said and didn't say anything when my dad asked me if I was asleep. A few minutes later, my dad said he was coming, and my mom said she was coming too. They usually don't go anywhere without me so I said 'Wait for me, I'm coming too.'"
At the drive-thru window:
"I'd like a Big Mac without soup, please!"
"We don't serve soup here!"
"Well, I didn't order any!"
Why didn't Neptune marry Saturn?
Because he knew he wasn't hot!
One day a Chief was talking to his son... "Son," the father said, "Long ago the Woman didn't have anybody to take her to BINGO. So, the Creator put the Woman to sleep and cut off her butt cheeks and made her a Man. That's why today Indian Women have no butt, and the Men are called Buttheads!"
Why didn't the chair cross the road? Because it was a chair.
Your forehead is so big your soulmate didn't even want you.
To all the little rude people here, fuck you. I didn't ruin this country, it was Putin!
Why didn’t the train kill nine families of four?
Because he had no loco-MOTIVE. AHAHAH
They didn't burn witches back in the day, they burned bitches.