Didnt jokes

I wish I didn't have depression because all my friends have "BBC Bitch be crazy" disease.

My wife said I didn’t listen to a single thing she says.

What a weird way to start a conversation!

I took my 5 year old son to ride some roller coasters. I think he didn’t like it because I challenged him to a no hands contest.

He said, "But I don’t have any." He wanted to know what dark humor is. Now he knows what it is and what it feels like.

If the UK is 6 hours ahead of us, why didn't they just warn us about 9/11?

Why are people in Japan so thin?

Because it didn't end well the last time a Fat Man was there.

My grief counselor died just the other day.

He was so good though, I didn't care.

My boy, I think it is about time that I leave this world. Now draw your weapon and kill me now!

*draws a picture of his "epic" sword*

"What... WHAT... WTH ARE YOU DOING SIMPLETON? I DIDN'T MEAN THAT KIND OF DRAW!"

Does Eminem like M\&M's? Cause if he didn't, that would be like "they're" not liking "there."

Yo mama is so fat that when she fell, I didn't laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.

I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.

Then I was even sadder, because that lucky guy didn't even *need* shoes!

My fish died, and I didn't do anything. I just took my fish for a walk.

Why didn't Michael Jackson date 25 year olds?

Because there were only 20 of them.

Why did the emo break up with her boyfriend?

He didn't wanna hang out.

I remember waving at this guy in the street. The a**hole didn't wave back... Come to think of it, he was also swinging around a weird stick.

This emo kid wanted to join a group of emos, but he didn't make the cut.

What's the difference between a dad and the Twin Towers? The Twin Towers went black and never came back, and the dad was black and just didn't come back.

A teenage boy decides to go see a hooker for the first time and asks his experienced uncle for some tips.

"Uncle, what should I do about the hooker name? Should I ask her real name or should I come up with a name for her myself?"

"Kid, I've been fucking hookers for 20 years and I didn't even know they had names."

I was walking by the gun shop earlier and saw everything was 40% off. I didn't know back to school sales were already starting.

I don’t understand why Christians are so against body piercings. Didn’t Jesus have four?

The 911 people really didn't scramble fast enough, so they got folded like an omelet.