Didnt jokes

Your forehead so big your thoughts started on a Monday and didn't end 'til Sunday.

Wife: (on phone) Hi. Husband: Hey, I didn’t know dishwashers talk and make me a sandwich.

I regret my abortion.

I didn’t know child labor was an option.

I was walking by the gun shop earlier and saw everything was 40% off. I didn't know back to school sales were already starting.

I don’t understand why Christians are so against body piercings. Didn’t Jesus have four?

Yesterday, I was babysitting this woman's child. Everything was going perfectly.

I got hungry and called the mother. I asked if she wanted the baby back ribs I was cooking, but she said she didn't want any.

When she arrived she started screaming and ran to her child. I don't see why she was so upset, she said she didn't want any.

Why did Steven Hawking die?

He lost Wi-Fi connection and didn't get the data plan.

There was a boy named Sammy, and he was deeply in love with a girl named Rayne. But she didn’t notice him or talk to him. But one day, she did, and they end up liking each other and getting married and lived happil- wait no, that’s not right. Sammy snuck in Rayne’s house at night and kidnapped her, locked her in his basement, and turned her into a puppet so she'd be with him forever and ever. The End.

I got my orphan kid a phone. She was pressing the home button, but it didn't work.

A depressed man was caught on top of the Empire State Building with marijuana. Needless to say, he didn't want to come down.

You aren't alone. If you ever need to chat, I'm here. From one person to another. I hate this condition. I wish we didn't struggle.

A brunette fought and didn't get raped.

A blonde thought and did get raped.

I was cooking eggs the other day. It was very egg-citing, although, I was exaggerating, but, if you think that wasn’t funny to you, then you’re hard-boiled. That’s all for today, yolks! So I said before several cats starting fighting, that sh*t was a catastrophe. These kittens were all like “You’ve gotta be kitten me.” Meanwhile, in the ocean, they just waved, see what I did there? You shore you didn’t? Oh, alright, that’s okay bud- I guess these ocean puns are too deep for you. No? Okay- but, you know why the skeleton was lonely, eh? Oh, cause he had no body. Why didn’t the skeleton ask the girl out? He didn’t have the guts. What did the skeleton do to his gf? He boned her. No? Alright. Those didn’t make you laugh? Maybe I should hit your funny bone.

What did Mickey Mouse and Michael Jackson have in common?: (What *didn't* they have in common)

Same red shorts, theme park in their backyard, white glove, soft voices, loved children, they both were black with white faces.

Did you hear the score in the Egypt vs Ethiopia football game? Egypt 8, Ethiopia didn't.

Me: Cobain!

Friend: No, dude, it's Kobe.

Me: Why? Cobain didn't miss his last shot.

What did the knight say to his younger brother? "Good night."

You expected a silly pun there, didn't you? That's pretty rude. It makes light of the struggles of being a knight. Especially a good knight.

What do you say to a ugly girl who claims to have been raped?

“Are you sure you didn’t rape him?”

Why didn't the sun go to college?

Because it already had a million degrees!

That joke didn't land well, did it?