Didnt jokes
So, one day I was walking home from school with my best friend, Sally. She was worried to get home because she was going to tell her mom that Bob, the class rep, got her pregnant eight months ago, and now it was obvious she was pregnant. So I said, “Sally, it’ll be okay, I’m sure she’ll be happy to get a grandson.” “Yeah, thanks, Suzy,” she said to me, then went into her house.
The next few weeks she didn’t show up to school, so I was like, oh, she must be in trouble with her mom. I’ll go check on her.
So I walk up to her house and her mom answers with a baby boy in her hands. “Oh, hello. Is that Sally’s son?!! Can I see Sally?” Her mom says sure, and I go inside, but she leads me to the backyard and I see a tombstone. “Here lies Sally 2004-2020.” So I ask her mom in tears, “Oh, did she not make it through the birth?” And her mom replied, “You could say that...”
There was a recent football match between Ethiopia and Egypt.
Egypt 8, Ethiopia 0.
When I was a kid, my hamster died, so my mum bought a new identical one, hoping I wouldn't notice. It didn't matter anyway, since I beat that one to death, too.
Old Mother Riley, had a fat cow.
She milked it and milked it but didn't know how, she pulled his tail, pulled his tits. Old Mother Riley was covered in sh!t.
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack! 🤣😂🤣
Why did the electron leave the atom?
Because it didn't want to be argon.
One weekend some distant family members that I hadn't met before came over. My cousins (who I also hadn't met before) were fighting, so I decided to separate them and place them in opposite corners of the room (thinking it would help).
My mom took me to an empty room with tears in her eyes and told me they both ended up dying.
Well, SO-RRY, but I didn't know they were conjoined twins.
Why didn't the Japanese guy get a high five? Logan Paul left him hanging.
Why didn't anyone care about the circus?
Because it was irr-elephant.
An orphan girl's boyfriend broke up with her, what was his reason?
"If her parents didn't want her, why should I?"
I didn't trip and fall... I attacked the floor, and I believe I am winning :3
How did Stephen Hawking die? Because he didn't charge his batteries.
Why did the elephant cross the road? It didn't see the cars.
Why didn't they just switch him on and off again, or switch his batteries?
Kobe missed a lot of shots, but he sure didn’t miss the mountain.
Why didn’t the girl like stairs?
They were always up to something.
Why didn't the butcher cut the fillet?
Because it was a misteak.
Who's a pineapple? I'm a pineapple... Yass.
Teacher and kid.
Kid: Hey, teacher.
Teacher: Yes?
Kid: Would you punish me for something I didn't do?
Teacher: Of course not.
Kid: Well, I didn't do my homework!
Do you know who didn't graduate high school this year?
The Parkland kids.
A man finds his son climbing the roof of his house. The kid kept using all sorts of material to climb up, but the dad didn't pay much attention.
Next day the kid went to the state tower and kept climbing using some adhesive gloves. The dad asks his son for a second time: "Son! Why are you doing this?" The son replies: "You told me to aim up high!"