Didnt jokes

Straights are ALWAYS asking LGBTQ+ people why they have such GOOD FASHION SENSE. We didn't spend all that time in the closet for nothing, honey ;)

My ex was an orphan as a child.

I should have taken that as the first sign.

If her parents didn't want her, why would I?

What is the difference between Betty White and Paul Walker?

Betty didn’t reach 100 before she died.

Why did the vegetable cross the road? He didn't, he just sat there.

Little Johnny was playing with dick when his teacher walked in the room. She asked him what he was doing, he said Im doing my homework. The teacher saw how big his cock was and asked him to have sex with her. He willingly did so. Little johnny was already 25 so it didn't matter. The only thing was that he was homeschooled.

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common: they should both be changed regularly... and for the same reason.

Trump and Biden didn’t get the memo.

Kid: Mom! You lied to me!

Mom: When?

Kid: You told me that my little brother was an Angel!

Mom: Sooo?

Kid: Then why didn’t he fly when I threw him off the balcony?

Mom: WHAT!!!??!!

How many feminists does it take to fix a lightbulb?

9: one to screw the lightbulb, one to film it, one to post about it on a women empowerment social media page, one to complain that the man didn’t screw the lightbulb, one to say that women deserve to screw more lightbulbs, one to try to get #womenlightbulbscrewers trending on Twitter, one to bring a man and show him the screwing, one to say that women are better than men at screwing lightbulbs, and one to make a speech about the lightbulb.

Mickey Mouse went to a psychologist and told him, “I’m having problems with my girlfriend.”

The psychologist said, “You mentioned that you think she is crazy.”

He said, “I didn’t say she was crazy, I said she’s fucking Goofy!”

I didn't like having long nails, but they're growing on me.

One day, an orphan bought a boomerang. He threw it, and it didn’t come back.

Jesus and Moses come back to Earth.

Moses says, "Let's go down to the ocean and see if I can do what I used to when I was here before." So Moses raises his arms and motions to part the waters. Sure enough, he is able to part the waters just as before.

Jesus quips, "Close the water, I'm going to try to do what I used to when I was here last." So Jesus walks out on top of the water, then sinks to the bottom. He crawls out pulling seaweed off of him. Moses says, "Hey, it's not your fault, you didn't have those holes in your feet before."

Why didn't the Japanese guy get a high five?

Logan Paul left him hanging.

Chuck Norris didn't join the army, the army joined Chuck Norris.

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

Because he didn't have the guts to do it.

I got a job at a library once. I got fired like an hour in because the library manager said that the cookbooks didn’t go into the women’s sports section.

Stephen Hawking didn’t die.

His charger broke.

What did scientists prove when they saw a skeleton on the moon?

The cow didn’t make it.

I made a website for orphans, but sadly it didn’t have a home page.

I wish I didn't have depression because all my friends have "BBC Bitch be crazy" disease.