Di jokes

I used to have a son, but he died the same way Eric Clapton's son died. For inspiration.

My friend died. Me and my other bestie start singing the coffin song. My bestie in the coffin, why are you not sad? Why are you still alive?

My emo friend got jealous when my phone died.

My uncle died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.

Queen Elizabeth died a couple weeks ago. I'm still trying to find the reboot catd.

I wasn't close to my dad when he died.

Which was good. He died during 9/11.

So your wife has died, and now she is marginally better in bed than before.

If you really want to get her to wiggle, simply add maggots.

A man dies of old age on his 25th birthday. How is this possible?

Answer: He was born on February 29.

"Hey, Prince, I want to say, "Don't die, I love you!"

A tortoise was in a dry pool along with some geese. The tortoise said that they could carry him to a fresh pool. Then the geese flew through the air holding the tortoise. The tortoise was about to say something, but fell and died.

I will always remember my grandfather's last words before he died: "Is that a real chainsaw?"

There's a plane crash. Every single person died.

Who lived? The married people!

What did Stephen Hawking say when he died?

"Windows shut down sound."

So my friend died. I was at her casket. I said I'll see you on the other side, so I went to the other side of the casket.

I wondered why there was red all over my bathroom til I found out that my sis had dyed her hair red. Man, it looked like somebody died in there! Lol.

What was Stephen Hawking's last message before he died: "Server shutting down."

Stephen Hawking died because he got unplugged from his Ethernet cord.

Where do you go when Steve Hawkins dies?

Microsoft.

My bro’s parents died, but he didn’t know why.

Turns out they died because he was a failure, and he would be going to an orphanage in 4 days.

Did you hear about the guy who died by lethal injection and writhed on the stretcher for 20 minutes?

I guess it really IS all in the execution.