My emo friend got jealous when my phone died.
Di Jokes
My uncle died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.
Queen Elizabeth died a couple weeks ago. I'm still trying to find the reboot catd.
I wasn't close to my dad when he died.
Which was good. He died during 9/11.
So your wife has died, and now she is marginally better in bed than before.
If you really want to get her to wiggle, simply add maggots.
A man dies of old age on his 25th birthday. How is this possible?
Answer: He was born on February 29.
"Hey, Prince, I want to say, "Don't die, I love you!"
A tortoise was in a dry pool along with some geese. The tortoise said that they could carry him to a fresh pool. Then the geese flew through the air holding the tortoise. The tortoise was about to say something, but fell and died.
I will always remember my grandfather's last words before he died: "Is that a real chainsaw?"
There's a plane crash. Every single person died.
Who lived? The married people!
What did Stephen Hawking say when he died?
"Windows shut down sound."
So my friend died. I was at her casket. I said I'll see you on the other side, so I went to the other side of the casket.
I wondered why there was red all over my bathroom til I found out that my sis had dyed her hair red. Man, it looked like somebody died in there! Lol.
What was Stephen Hawking's last message before he died: "Server shutting down."
Stephen Hawking died because he got unplugged from his Ethernet cord.
Where do you go when Steve Hawkins dies?
Microsoft.
My bro’s parents died, but he didn’t know why.
Turns out they died because he was a failure, and he would be going to an orphanage in 4 days.
Little Johnny attends school regularly and often brings a box of sultanas as a gift to his favorite teacher.
One morning Little Johnny attends class without a box of sultanas.
The teacher enquires, why Johnny "where is my box of sultanas?"
Johnny replied, "Sorry, miss, my rabbit died."
Once, there was a woman who had a husband and a dog. The husband dies.
The dog would always sleep under the bed, and when the woman would go to sleep, she'd put her hand down, and the dog would lick it to say she/he was alright. One night, it was thunderstorming. She put her hand down and the dog licked normally. She heard the dog whimper, so she put her hand down like normal, as the dog always does, he/she licks her hand.
Then she heard dripping coming from the bathroom, so she went to go stop the leaking that might be coming from the tap, but the tap wasn't on, nor was it dripping. She turns on the light and looks up at the roof to see if the roof was leaking but turns out her dog was hung by its head above the bathtub.
On the mirror it said, "Humans can lick too," in the dog's blood.
This is a true story, don't be afraid to look it up!
It was September 10, 2001, when I stayed up watching TV shows.
I woke up late for work at The World Trade Center, but it was burning. I said out loud, "I was late! I'm happy I was late to work! I mean... I could've di-" I was then beaten and bruised by the emergency services.
