Death jokes

What's the difference between a Porsche and 50 dead babies?

..... I don't have a Porsche in my garage.

Covid said to stay 6 feet... I didn't think Kobe meant it literally.

Kobe ended so many games with threes. Now he ends his life with trees.

What kind of coffee do they serve at funerals?

Burial grounds.

Where did Janet go during the bombing? Everywhere.

I was both shocked and amazed to hear Stephen Hawking kicked the bucket.

I'll never forget my grandfather's last words: "STOP SHAKING THE LADDER, YOU LITTLE CUNT!"

Why did Princess Diana cross the road? She wasn't wearing a seat belt.

How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff? They found her head and shoulders in the glove compartment.

Wanna hear something bad? A pile of dead babies.

Wanna hear something worse? The one at the bottom is still alive.

Wanna hear something worse than that? He has to eat his way out.

Wanna hear something that's the worst? He comes back for seconds.

How do you make a dead baby float?

1 cup rootbeer 2 scoops dead baby.

What do you call someone smart and dead?

Stephen Hawking...

Three men were captured by a tribe and tortured. The leader of the tribe tells them that they would live only if they could achieve one thing: They had to go out and find 10 pieces of the same fruit each.

The first person returned with apples. The leader said that he had to put all 10 of them up into his ass without making a sound, or he would be killed. 1... 2... he screamed.

The next person came back with grapes. 1, 2, 3, he counted up to 8, but began to burst out laughing; he was killed. In heaven, the first man asked him why he laughed if he was doing so well. "Well, I saw the third guy coming back with fucking pineapples!"

My uncle died on September 11. He was the greatest pilot in all of Saudi Arabia.

What do you call a dead woman in the back of your car?

Idk, I just have a couple in the backseat.

Went to my friend's house, fucked his sister.

I had a fun funeral / birthday.

Q: How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Not three. My damn basement is still dark...

A Christian Missionary walks up to some people and says, "Come! Meet Jesus!"

One of the guys takes out a knife and says, "You first."

You've probably heard this one before, but screw it.

What's the difference between Jesus Christ and the kid I just killed?

Jesus Christ probably died a virgin.

What’s similar between the twin towers and Kobe Bryant?

They both can crash down.

If you bet on Russian roulette, even if you win, you still lose.