Death jokes
What do you call a dead woman in the back of your car?
Idk, I just have a couple in the backseat.
Went to my friend's house, fucked his sister.
I had a fun funeral / birthday.
A Christian Missionary walks up to some people and says, "Come! Meet Jesus!"
One of the guys takes out a knife and says, "You first."
Q: How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Not three. My damn basement is still dark...
So Paul Walker made a rap cover. It is called "Straight Out of Windshield."
Where did Lucy go after the bombing?
Everywhere.
Teacher: "I used to be an orphan once."
Student: "That’s sad."
Teacher: "Anyways, who is away today?"
Student: "Your parents."
What has two butts and kills people?
An assassin.
What happened after Technoblade died?
Everyone got raw pork chop.
I still remember my grandpa's last words, "Stop wobbling the ladder, you cunt!"
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims. They went through 80 stories in seconds.
Give a man a plane ticket, he’ll fly for a day. Push a man out of a plane flying 10,000 miles up, he’ll fly for the rest of his life.
What's the difference between oxygen and children? I don't have oxygen in my basement.
I'll never forget my Grandad's last words... "Son, where did you get a grenade from?!"
What do Princess Diana and a landmine have in common? Both are easy to lay. Both costly and time-consuming to get rid of.
What did Saint Peter say to Diana when she got to the pearly gates? "Wipe that Merc off your face."
What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?
They melted him down and turned him into Lego, so kids could play with him for once.
Why couldn’t people use the George Floyd action figure? Because it was vacuum sealed.
Why did Timmy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
What has more brains than the Columbine students? The wall behind them, xD.
What's grosser than gross? A truckload of dead babies.
What's grosser than that? A live one at the bottom.
What's grosser than that? When he eats his way out.
Grosser than that? When he goes back for more.