Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims. They went through 80 stories in seconds.
I still remember my grandpa's last words, "Stop wobbling the ladder, you cunt!"
What do Princess Diana and a landmine have in common? Both are easy to lay. Both costly and time-consuming to get rid of.
What did Saint Peter say to Diana when she got to the pearly gates? "Wipe that Merc off your face."
I'll never forget my Grandad's last words... "Son, where did you get a grenade from?!"
Give a man a plane ticket, he’ll fly for a day. Push a man out of a plane flying 10,000 miles up, he’ll fly for the rest of his life.
What's the difference between oxygen and children? I don't have oxygen in my basement.
I like George Floyd's new song. It is really breathtaking.
What happened after Technoblade died?
Everyone got raw pork chop.
Teacher: "I used to be an orphan once."
Student: "That’s sad."
Teacher: "Anyways, who is away today?"
Student: "Your parents."
What has two butts and kills people?
An assassin.
Where did Lucy go after the bombing?
Everywhere.
Why did Timmy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
What has more brains than the Columbine students? The wall behind them, xD.
What's grosser than gross? A truckload of dead babies.
What's grosser than that? A live one at the bottom.
What's grosser than that? When he eats his way out.
Grosser than that? When he goes back for more.
What’s the difference between dark humor and morbid humor?
Dark humor is ten kids in one container; morbid humor is one kid in ten containers.
I will always remember my dad's last words....
"15 dollars and I'll jump."
What’s red and very rare?
A baby in a blender.
I want to die in my sleep, like grandpa did, not screaming and crying like the people on the bus he drove.
What's worse than a dead baby?
A pile of dead babies.
What's worse than that?
The baby at the bottom of the pile is still alive.
What's worse than that?
The baby at the bottom of pile is eating its way out.
Stephen Hawking didn’t die.
His charger broke.
