Death jokes
What do Stephen Hawking and the Wicked Witch have in common?
If you throw water over them, they both die...
Where did little Lucy go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
Where do you take Stephen Hawking when he dies?
The Apple repair store.
"Rock-a-bye baby on the treetop, When the wind blows, the baby will drop. Then the baby will lay on the ground, Not moving a muscle, not making a sound."
Grandpa's last words: "Why do you have a chainsaw?"
You know Sally? She's dead now.
*Coughs roughly* Oh my God, it hurts so much. I can't see. It burns! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!! *Weakly*
What's the worst thing you can say to a widow?
"I'm sorry, I just had to."
Why can’t orphans eat cereal with milk? Cause mummy never gave them some.
How did Steven Hawkings die?
His wife tripped over his charging plug when he was at 2% battery.
Fastest story readers are 9/11 victims.
They went through 87 stories in 7 seconds.
Q. How many dead babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. Gotta be more than 9 'cause my basement is still dark.
Knock, knock.
Orphan: Who's there?
Not your parents!
What's yellow and can't swim? My mom on Halloween.
What’s the difference between me and Chester Bennington?
I know how to use an exercise band.
When you're driving past a graveyard say: "Wow, people were just dying to get in there."
My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.
I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.
A guy was dying after getting stabbed in a church. He said to the priest, "Please say a prayer for me," and the priest said, "I ain’t got nun left." Then he died.
What’s the difference between a computer and Paul Walker? I give a crap when my computer crashes.
Once, there was a woman who had a husband and a dog. The husband dies.
The dog would always sleep under the bed, and when the woman would go to sleep, she'd put her hand down, and the dog would lick it to say she/he was alright. One night, it was thunderstorming. She put her hand down and the dog licked normally. She heard the dog whimper, so she put her hand down like normal, as the dog always does, he/she licks her hand.
Then she heard dripping coming from the bathroom, so she went to go stop the leaking that might be coming from the tap, but the tap wasn't on, nor was it dripping. She turns on the light and looks up at the roof to see if the roof was leaking but turns out her dog was hung by its head above the bathtub.
On the mirror it said, "Humans can lick too," in the dog's blood.
This is a true story, don't be afraid to look it up!