Death jokes
My girlfriend's dog died, so I got her a new one in replacement, and she went off on me and yelled,
"What am I supposed to do with 2 dead dogs in my house?!"
"Most Deadly Sport"
Playing chicken with a train!
What do you tell a dead metal fan?
Rust in peace.
What was the last thing that went through Princess Diana's mind?
The steering wheel.
What's worse than 1000 dead babies hanging off a tree?
1 dead baby hanging off 1000 trees.
How do you get a clown to stop smiling?
You shoot him in the face.
Me: Now I know why Michael Jackson turned white.
The police: You finally figured it out.
An apple a day, or you'll die anyway.
What's the best part about dead baby jokes?
They never get old.
What kind of coffee do they serve at funerals?
Burial grounds.
Where did Janet go during the bombing? Everywhere.
What's the difference between a Porsche and 50 dead babies?
..... I don't have a Porsche in my garage.
I, for one, wish Donald Trump was President again. It's been a while since we had a presidential assassination.
Kobe ended so many games with threes. Now he ends his life with trees.
I was both shocked and amazed to hear Stephen Hawking kicked the bucket.
What's grosser than gross? A truckload of dead babies.
What's grosser than that? A live one at the bottom.
What's grosser than that? When he eats his way out.
Grosser than that? When he goes back for more.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road? She wasn't wearing a seat belt.
How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff? They found her head and shoulders in the glove compartment.
I'll never forget my grandfather's last words: "STOP SHAKING THE LADDER, YOU LITTLE CUNT!"
What’s similar between the twin towers and Kobe Bryant?
They both can crash down.
Wanna hear something bad? A pile of dead babies.
Wanna hear something worse? The one at the bottom is still alive.
Wanna hear something worse than that? He has to eat his way out.
Wanna hear something that's the worst? He comes back for seconds.