Death jokes
A guy wins a free ticket to the Super Bowl and so he’s very excited.
However, he’s not so excited when he gets there and realizes his seat’s in the back of the stadium.
So he looks around him for a better seat, and to his surprise he finds an empty seat right next to the field.
He approaches the older guy who’s sitting in the seat next to the empty one and asks if the seat is taken.
The man replies, “No.”
The young guy is very surprised to hear this and asks, “How could someone pass up a seat like this?”
The older guy replies, “It’s my wife’s seat. We’ve been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she’s passed away.”
“Oh, how sad,” the young guy says, taken aback. “I’m sorry to hear that, but couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you?”
“No,” the man replies, “They’re all at the funeral.”
What's worse than ten dead babies nailed to one tree?
One dead baby nailed to ten trees.
How do you know your wife is dead?
The sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.
What is the only warm organ in a dead woman?
My dick!
What’s George Floyd’s favorite color? Neon black.
Memes
Me: *stabs vampire*
Wife: omg
Me: *beats vampire to death*
Wife: OMG
Me: What?
Wife: You're supposed to give them candy!
Me: Well, that's a sticky situation now, isn't it, Barbara?
Why'd the orphan cross the road? He was told his parents were on the other side.
Why did the depressed kid cross the road?
To get hit by a car.
My girlfriend's dog died, so I got her a new one in replacement, and she went off on me and yelled,
"What am I supposed to do with 2 dead dogs in my house?!"
"Most Deadly Sport"
Playing chicken with a train!
My nan must really love the quiet game, she's been playing it for ages.
This man has been through all kinda shit in his life. So one day, he finally looks at himself in the mirror and says, "If another person looks at me again, I'm going to kill myself." He looks at himself and no one ever heard from him again.
What do you tell a dead metal fan?
Rust in peace.
What was the last thing that went through Princess Diana's mind?
The steering wheel.
What's worse than 1000 dead babies hanging off a tree?
1 dead baby hanging off 1000 trees.
So Paul Walker made a rap cover. It is called "Straight Out of Windshield."
How do you get a clown to stop smiling?
You shoot him in the face.
Me: Now I know why Michael Jackson turned white.
The police: You finally figured it out.
An apple a day, or you'll die anyway.
What's the best part about dead baby jokes?
They never get old.