Death jokes
What did Cermet the frog say at Jim Henson's funeral?
Nothing...
1: I wish my cancer could kill me quicker so I don't have to do this class anymore.
2: I'm dying, finally.
3: I'm sorry, I can't go to your party because I'm expected to be dead by then.
On a serious note, I might actually have cancer and I'm getting checks. I hope for the best :/
What’s made of wood and is zig zag shaped?
Stephen Hawking's coffin.
A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian said: “Fuck off, you won’t bring it back.”
I am crying tears of joy rn. I was wrongfully sentenced to death. They took me to prison to wait for my execution, but when I got there, they said that I was free. I asked them why and they told me that a man named Penaldo had taken my death penalty for me. Thank you, Penaldo!
How to kill a blond: put a scratch & sniff in a pool.
Me: Cobain!
Friend: No, dude, it's Kobe.
Me: Why? Cobain didn't miss his last shot.
Why does Aaron always look depressed? Because his grandma's dead.
What's the difference between a potted plant and your wife?
The first is easier to bury.
These jokes are nearly as dead as Steven Hawkings.
Why did the murderer invest in condoms? To kill the future buyers!
Why did Paul Walker drown?
Because he was too busy carpooling.
What's the difference between a trampoline and a dead baby?
I take my boots off before jumping on a trampoline.
If I smiled one centimeter each time I watched someone I hated die, I'd look like the Cheshire Cat.
Your mother is so fat, she broke the stairway to heaven when she died. jaja ur momma dead.
Famous last words of my uncle, (a bomb disposal expert): "yes, the red wire."
Give a man a match, and he's warm for a few minutes. Set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Teacher: "Ok class, what animal jumps the highest?"
Kid: "A leopard."
Quiet kid: "No, it's emo kids. Some of them are still in the air."
Kid: "Broooooooooooo."
The last words of a depressive person are: "Yay, Freedom."
What's the difference between me and a rope?
The rope doesn't hang from itself.