Death jokes

Why does Aaron always look depressed? Because his grandma's dead.

What's the difference between a potted plant and your wife?

The first is easier to bury.

Why did the murderer invest in condoms? To kill the future buyers!

Why did Paul Walker drown?

Because he was too busy carpooling.

My grandma used to beat the hell out of me for coming home late. Guess who's late now?

I will never forget my grandpa's last words: "You still holding the ladder, son?"

Teacher: "Ok class, what animal jumps the highest?"

Kid: "A leopard."

Quiet kid: "No, it's emo kids. Some of them are still in the air."

Kid: "Broooooooooooo."

The last words of a depressive person are: "Yay, Freedom."

Life lesson guys:

Remember, being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible.

The biggest inconvenience in 2001, I thought, was my brother. Turns out it was 9/11. I guess the planes saw him be born and died from how ugly he was. Aluh aluckbar.

What's the difference between a trampoline and a dead baby?

I take my boots off before jumping on a trampoline.

I was gardening and found a chest full of blood... I forgot I was in the cemetery.

What do you call a woman who aborted her quadruplets? A graveyard.

If it’s called the “living room,” why did my grandma die there?

I wish I was a dinosaur because all of them are dead.

Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight. Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.

If I smiled one centimeter each time I watched someone I hated die, I'd look like the Cheshire Cat.

Your mother is so fat, she broke the stairway to heaven when she died. jaja ur momma dead.

Famous last words of my uncle, (a bomb disposal expert): "yes, the red wire."

Give a man a match, and he's warm for a few minutes. Set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.