Death jokes

What's the difference between a potted plant and your wife?

The first is easier to bury.

Why did the murderer invest in condoms? To kill the future buyers!

Why did Paul Walker drown?

Because he was too busy carpooling.

What do you call a woman who aborted her quadruplets? A graveyard.

I will never forget my grandpa's last words: "You still holding the ladder, son?"

Teacher: "Ok class, what animal jumps the highest?"

Kid: "A leopard."

Quiet kid: "No, it's emo kids. Some of them are still in the air."

Kid: "Broooooooooooo."

What's the difference between me and a rope?

The rope doesn't hang from itself.

Life lesson guys:

Remember, being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible.

What were Michael Jackson's last words? "Take me to the children's hospital."

The last words of a depressive person are: "Yay, Freedom."

Are you George Floyd?

Cause you take my breath away! 😮‍💨

The biggest inconvenience in 2001, I thought, was my brother. Turns out it was 9/11. I guess the planes saw him be born and died from how ugly he was. Aluh aluckbar.

I wish I was a dinosaur because all of them are dead.

Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight. Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.

If it’s called the “living room,” why did my grandma die there?

I was gardening and found a chest full of blood... I forgot I was in the cemetery.

What's the difference between a trampoline and a dead baby?

I take my boots off before jumping on a trampoline.

What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

Alright kids! Find a good place to stop! Then, out of the blue, Billy died. But hey, he went to a better place.

How many children can you fit in a box?

Maybe five if you have a trash compactor.