Death jokes
1: I wish my cancer could kill me quicker so I don't have to do this class anymore.
2: I'm dying, finally.
3: I'm sorry, I can't go to your party because I'm expected to be dead by then.
On a serious note, I might actually have cancer and I'm getting checks. I hope for the best :/
What’s made of wood and is zig zag shaped?
Stephen Hawking's coffin.
A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian said: “Fuck off, you won’t bring it back.”
How to kill a blond: put a scratch & sniff in a pool.
Why does Aaron always look depressed? Because his grandma's dead.
Memes
What's the difference between a potted plant and your wife?
The first is easier to bury.
Why did Paul Walker drown?
Because he was too busy carpooling.
Why did the murderer invest in condoms? To kill the future buyers!
Alright kids! Find a good place to stop! Then, out of the blue, Billy died. But hey, he went to a better place.
My grandma used to beat the hell out of me for coming home late. Guess who's late now?
Don't do suicide, that shit kills.
What were Michael Jackson's last words? "Take me to the children's hospital."
What's the difference between me and a rope?
The rope doesn't hang from itself.
Are you George Floyd?
Cause you take my breath away! 😮💨
What did Dom Toretto say about the tree Paul Walker hit?
"Family strong, but not that strong."
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
I will never forget my grandpa's last words: "You still holding the ladder, son?"
Teacher: "Ok class, what animal jumps the highest?"
Kid: "A leopard."
Quiet kid: "No, it's emo kids. Some of them are still in the air."
Kid: "Broooooooooooo."
Life lesson guys:
Remember, being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible.
The last words of a depressive person are: "Yay, Freedom."