Death

Death jokes

Patient

The doctor gave his patient 1 day of life, so he shot him. Then the judge gave him 15 years, so there you go, problem solved.

Sister

My sister: See you at home in about an hour.

Me: Okay.

My sister: Sister, where are you? *She looks out the window.*

Me: Sis, I'm here, can't you see me?

Sister: OMG, she's dead!

Me: Yeah, I know, but can't you see me?

Virus

One random YouTube comment in 2018: "Soon, a virus will come to Earth."

A year later: "Pahahahahah that comment is fake lmaoooo ahahahha!"

Another year later: "Time to die a painful death."

Another year later: "God has come with the cure!"

Eyeball

What body part takes the longest to decay? The eyeball, because it will always dilate.

Education

If I worked for Edexcel, I'd give Caroline Flack an A* for her physics experiment.

WiFi

Why did Stephen Hawking die?

Someone unplugged the WiFi router.

Orphan

What do you do when an orphan gets you mad?

A stab to the neck and a bullet to the face.