Death jokes

How did Steven Hawking die?

He lost internet connection.

"Where ya going?"

"When I die, hell, but right now, my room."

Steven Hawking's death, you should've gotten a case.

I remember my grandma's last words:

"What are you doing with that axe?"

If Stephen Hawking was walking, they would have a hawk problem.

Why did the cat cross the road?

To die.

If Stephen Hawking was an Xbox... he just red ringed and rose up to GameStop.

What were Stephen Hawking's last words?

Error, error, error.

System shutting down.

What body part takes the longest to decay? The eyeball, because it will always dilate.

What do you do when an orphan gets you mad?

A stab to the neck and a bullet to the face.

When a boy points at his parents, they disappear.

I got you the candy. Haha! You idiot, it's poison!

Q. Why couldn't Terri Schiavo give good blow jobs?

A. She didn't know how to swallow.

Q. What's an aborted baby's favourite type of humor? A. ...

My first thought when I read Betty Pear's obituary was, "Thank God for Alzheimer's!"

20 years later

Johnny: Hey dad.

Dad: Yea?

Johnny: Fuck you, I ain't comin' back to your grave in 16 years, then ima come back, BITCH!

Dad: Doing the same thing I did to you and your mother, ay? I deserve it :( ;O not real...NOT A FUCKING ALL.

Johnny: Yea you kinda fucking do.

Dad:...

My son asked me, “What is angel cake made of?”

I reply by listing the ingredients in Mr. Kipling angel cakes. Then he shouts “STOP!” I stop as I reach food colorings. He slowly crawls towards me and says in a whisper, “Well, in my angel cake, I put angels in them.”

I freaked out about this, so I calmed down and asked who did you put in this angel cake. He said, “Grandma, the one who died last Saturday.”

Once upon a time lived a fat ass named Steve and got rabies and died. The end!

👌neck

I was reading a book one day when I suddenly heard a sound. It was the Grim Reaper. I ignored it and continued reading my book. Suddenly, I realized that I was one of the main characters, which, at the end, dies.

I used to like fireworks, but I'm dead now. Fireworks look like a charm if you don't mind something a little ghostly.

What lies beneath your nose and is being picked on? Your boogers.