Death jokes
The reason Stephen Hawking died was because he switched WiFi routers from Sky to Virgin, so his computer lagged out.
An old man walks in a forest with a child, and the child says, "It's dark, and I'm scared." The old man says, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk out alone."
My marriage was on the rocks, so I buried my wife under some.
I have a riddle for you:
10 people are on a boat, but they all die due to a tsunami except the captain.
Then, when he gets home, his wife serves him “penguin meat.”
Once he eats it, he starts crying.
Why?
Where does a suicide bomber go when he dies?
Everywhere.
Bro told me this when he passed away.
I’m “Fading.”
How can one make Death Row a little more fun?
Musical electric chairs.
Best way of abortion?
Beyblade abortion.
LET IT R.I.P.
A bullet is like an arrow.
Nothing can stop it from going through your head.
I fed a vegan cock. No, not chicken, no, not my cock, my dead dad's.
How are an emo kid and a hanging child the same?
Depends on who's hanging.
My sister said I was only allowed to grate cheese, so I said to her that I’d prove her wrong.
The next day my mum asked me why my cheese was tan, and I said it was my own special recipe. My mum loved the cheese but she didn’t like it much after the funeral.
"Meow, meow, woof, woof." That's what animals say to me when I die.
Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?
Because he was arrested on suspicion of murder.
Did you hear that nursing homes keep returning the new Paul Walkers?
They let the elderly move fast, but then burst into flames and burn the patients alive.
How can you tell when a female became a rape victim? She crossed herself out, hanging by with a Carlton dry.
Why did Wilson die? Cuz he sucks!
Why do orphans not have parents?
Answer: Their parents are yeet dead dead.
My friend told me that he saw a yacht went close in to the yeti's eye, so I said to my friend, "Did the yeti kiss?" But my friend said, "No, the yeti have to play games every single day, or the yeti will die."
Why did the chicken cross the road because he wanted to get run over and poop, and he died for 30 years until he was sent to Joe for getting run over, and he got killed by something, and then he died, and then he got it by you poop.