Death jokes
Give a man a plane ticket and he will fly for a day.
Push a man out of a plane and he will fly for the rest of his life.
How do you know your wife is dead?
The sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.
When you think you can’t fail anymore if you’re dead, then you fail at suiciding.
My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.
My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"
What's the difference between a Lambo and 100 dead babies?
I don't have a Lambo in my garage.
To be brutally honest, I think his wife let him die for money, because they could just plug him back in. Surely they have an Android cable about?
"I’m sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing.
Except at a funeral.
What has more brains than the Columbine students? The wall behind them, xD.
What did the boy say to the noose?
"Can you please tie me."
Tried committing suicide last night...
Never doing that shit again, I almost killed myself!
What’s the difference between prison and concentration camps?
At least you don’t die when you shower.
Guy: "My life is like a game, I should end it."
Guy 2: "Is it a hard life?"
Guy: "Yup"
Guy 2: "Then you can't kill yourself LOL"
Guy 3: "Hold on, I know a cheat code to finish the 'game'"
Once again, RIP Daniel Kyre, he actually died this day five years ago.
He attempted suicide Sep 16, and was in life support, till his parents made the tough decision of taking him off.
We will miss ya bud..... (cyndagoooooooo)
Imagine failing to commit suicide; you might as well go kill yourself.
Don't make Iran jokes. My mom died by a rocket launcher. She was the best sharp shooter in the Iranian army.
What’s better than swinging a dead baby in circles over your head with a 5 foot rope? Stopping it with a shovel.
What happened after Technoblade died?
Everyone got raw pork chop.
My dad died the other day, but I was able to hear his last words: "Son, are you still holding the ladder?"
He died because of a fuck up by the Hospital. Apparently, the doctor said to the nurse, "You can discharge Mr. Hawking now," so she went to his room and pulled the plug out of his computer.
Person 1: You are the dumbest person in the class.
Person 2: Well, you're the second. Maybe, but at least I'm not the dumbest.
Person 2: I know how to fix that!
... Next day person commits suicide...
What's white, red, and screams a lot?
A baby in a blender.