Death jokes
My first thought when I read Betty Pear's obituary was, "Thank God for Alzheimer's!"
How do you prevent a physics teacher from drowning? Shoot her before she touches the water.
You're so skinny, death mistook you for dead.
Once I was riding my bike and saw a $5. I jumped off and died.
An apple and an emo girl fall from the same height in a tree. Which one hits the ground first? The apple, cuz the noose stops her.
What do world hunger and a Mercedes have in common?
Diana can't stop either.
I told my wife I needed a blood transfusion when I could not remember. She said, "Be positive too."
Bad, I am now a ghost writing this.
What were Paul Walker's last words?
Hey, that tree's growing!
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because his carer lost his charger.
Stephen Hawking drove too far away from the wall and unplugged himself.
Why did Stephen Hawking die when he logged onto Facebook?
It took all his info!
How are babies and the elderly similar?
They are both fun to throw out of moving cars.
Potters are dead xoxoxoxoxox.
Why did the baby cross the road? Because he wanted to die.
Once a bird went to search for food. Then suddenly he saw grain on a road. When he saw a bullock cart, he said, "That's too far away." Then the bullock immediately came, and the king bird came, and the deceitful bird said, "Sorry, Majesty, I was wrong to eat this on the road." And then he died, and the king bird goes back and tells everybody about it.
What do you call a pedophile who's dying? You.
A husband and wife are crossing the street. The husband is explaining to the wife why you should always look both ways before crossing the street.
Man: "So you see, Dolly? You should always look both ways before crossing the street."
The man turns and looks to his wife, but she is not there!
Man: "Dolly? Dolly!"
The man looks around and sees Dolly laying dead on the street.
Man: "Dolly!"
I’m about to tell you the funniest joke I heard:
Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls emergency services. The operator then hears the problem and says, “Well, let’s make sure he’s dead.” A shot is then heard. The other guy says, “Ok, now what?”
Did you laugh?
1) What was Techno's reaction when he died?
2) Where did all the orphans go?
PS: In case you don't get it, it's a pedophile joke, cuz he is one!
How did I kill Georgee?
I snatched her boat! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!