Death jokes
A friend of mine loves to play Roulette, so I decided to introduce him to Russian Roulette. It blew his mind.
How did Steven Hawkings die?
His wife tripped over his charging plug when he was at 2% battery.
Suicide
Stephen Hawking died because his wife misunderstood him when he said, "My Windows Needs Updating." She had the double glazing removed, and he fell out and died.
Kid goes to the kitchen.
Mom: What are you doing here?
Kid: Just checking out the knife.
Mom: So you've chosen death.
Well.
The other day I took my Grandma to one of those fish spas where the little fish eat your dead skin. It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.
What did the kid with cancer say? "Can-I see my mom one more time?"
I heard Kobe was writing a book about helicopters, but it just wouldn't land with people...
I know, I'm going to hell!
Why did the orphan commit suicide?
So he could find home.
What’s the difference between Nelson Mandela and Paul Walker?
They both died at 95.
What do you get when you have an annoying kid, a homicidal kid, and a suicidal kid in the same room? A happy ending.
If I smiled one centimeter each time I watched someone I hated die, I'd look like the Cheshire Cat.
What's the best part about a dead prostitute?
The second hour is free.
The flag at NAMBLA headquarters is flying at half mast.
I should probably stop making abortion jokes.
After all, the aborted babies aren't laughing.
Did you hear about the emo kid that tried to high-five a tree? It left him hanging.
RIP Harambe.
What's worse than a pile of dead babies?
One at the bottom that's still alive.
What's worse than that?
It's forced to eat its way out.
What's even worse than that?
It comes back for seconds.
What was the last thing that went through Princess Diana's mind?
The steering wheel.
I actually think Paul Walker was a good man, he did not deserve to be burned alive.
He had a change of race tho when he died.