Death jokes
Orphan: Help, I'm lost.
Someone: Wears your parents.
Orphan: >:(
Why can't ghosts stay happy? Because they are too skeletal.
P.l.a.n.e.
Precious lord, are nonbelievers evil?
I will always remember my grandfather's last words before he died: "Is that a real chainsaw?"
There's a plane crash. Every single person died.
Who lived? The married people!
What’s the worst thing to happen to an orphan?
Well, they weren’t always orphans.
Who were the fastest readers? 9/11 victims. They went through 95 stories in 10 seconds.
What did the people do to the deceased after tests?
They bari-um.
One of my earliest memories is seeing my mother's face through the oven window as we played hide and seek, and she said: "You're getting warmer!"
Are you dead? Because you look like my dog.
Teacher: I was an orphan when I was younger.
Student: Oof.
Teacher: Is anyone not here?
Student: Yes, your parents.
Look, it's the dead center of town!
I'm never going bungee jumping because a cord bridged me into the world. It's not taking me out.
Do you know how to make a plumber cry?
Kill his family.
I’ll always remember my father’s last words: “I’m gonna sleep for a little.”
Why did the chicken cross the road? To become roadkill.
They say that "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach," but I find it a lot easier to go through the ribcage.
What are they going to say about Tim Gunn in 20 years?
He kicked the bucket.
What's worse than 1 tree with 10,000 dead babies on it?
1 baby on 10,000 trees.
What were Stephen Hawking's dying words?
"Restore factory settings."