Death jokes
My dog was hungry, so I let him loose outside while I filled his bowl.
I found out later that he was run over by a truck. It seemed to really hit the Spot.
What do the Twin Towers and murder victims have in common?
Both were owned by their own kind.
Health commercials be like:
Serious side effects can cause:
Nausea, diarrhea, vomiting, chills, fever, cancer, diabetes, AIDS, chlamydia, lupus, Ebola, polio, leprosy, pulmonary edema, heart attack, heart failure, yellow fever, but worst of all, DEATH!
I asked someone why they were crying. They told me that they had to abort their twins.
Then someone yelled "DAMN DOUBLE HOMICIDE!"
Why did the orphan cross the road?
Because his parents couldn’t help him out!
Memes
I was digging in my garden when I found a treasure chest full of gold. I was about to run inside and tell my wife, but then I remembered why I was digging in my garden.
Why did Sally die? She got stabbed by her mum.
Me playing a game........ What, did God just stop our hearts because he didn't kill everybody?
Why did lil Timmy drop his lollies?
He was hit by a train.
This kid was going to sleep and he said, "Night, Mum. Night, Dad. And night, Grandma, and bye, Grandpa." The next morning, Grandpa died, and the next night he said, "Night, Dad. Night, Mum. Night, Grandma." Grandma died the next morning. The next night he said, "Night, Mum, bye, Dad," and they heard the postman died because he was the dad, lol.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
It didn't have the guts to do it.
What's Yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of dead babies.
What kind of punch hurts a kid the most?
A sandy hook.
What is the skeleton's favorite car?
A Zam-bone-y.
What's better than one dead baby?
Two dead babies.
Why didn't the skeleton want to make art anymore?
He didn't have the heart to put into it.
Why are the same Sally jokes told over and over again?
Because how can you tell jokes about someone who's dead?
What’s the difference between a Ferrari and a sack of dead babies?
I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.
Last week I found out my toaster is waterproof.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she got shot. Dumb bitch!