Death jokes
I'll slit your throat and kick you in the gut till you die one time.
Don't challenge Death to a pillow fight.
Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushion.
My father always used to say:
"What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger."
Until the accident.
Yo mama was so fat, the Earth was flat before they put your mama in a grave.
What falls quicker off a tree? The leaf or the emo?
The leaf, because the emo is stopped by the rope.
Knock, knock.
Who is there?
Your Nan.
WHAT? MY NAN IS DEAD!
Friend: Did Jesus die a virgin?
Me: Of course not, he got nailed before he died.
Tesco's slogan is "Every little helps."
Well, their bag did a wonderful job on suffocating my wife.
I hate the 9/11 jokes; my dad and grandpa were killed.
My dad was one hell of a pilot.
Grandpa was a hell of a planner.
Do you know what organ remains warm even after a woman dies?
My penis (or rather my neutron laser priming its firing sequence).
What do you call a pig that goes to the slaughterhouse? Technoblade.
My mom said she would miss me if I committed suicide, so we made it double.
What's yellow and can't swim? A school bus full of orphans.
My great uncle died in a concentration camp.
He fell off one of the guard towers.
What do you call the nun that hates?
For Paul Walker, Mother Teresa.
Don’t have sex. Because you will get pregnant. And die.
My dad died in 9/11. I'll always remember his last words:
Allah hu akbar.
Technoblade never got a wife.
So an emo shot themselves, and so the detective decides to ask why, but it just goes in one ear and out the other.
The guy who stole my diary just died. My thoughts are with his family.