Death jokes
I'll slit your throat and kick you in the gut till you die one time.
Knock, knock.
Who is there?
Your Nan.
WHAT? MY NAN IS DEAD!
This isn't really a joke, but it's true. Your picture for your funeral may have already been taken :)
Don’t have sex. Because you will get pregnant. And die.
Technoblade never got a wife.
So an emo shot themselves, and so the detective decides to ask why, but it just goes in one ear and out the other.
The guy who stole my diary just died. My thoughts are with his family.
Thanks for the birthday wishes. It's been an odd one this year, as some of you know, my father suddenly passed away on my birthday last year, and anyone who knew the old man knew he had a sledgehammer wit!
Good on ya dad, ya definitely got the last laugh!
When an orphan finds out who their parents are, and then finds out they're dead.
I have a body count of 7.
Ammon died.
My wife walked in on me cheating on her and said, "How could you cheat on me?!" I said, "She was lying naked on the table what I was supposed to do?" and my wife responded with, "Perform the autopsy."
Roses are red, I am very cool, You, on the other hand, Need to drown yourself in a pool.
What does the dead man say to the other? He says, "Your daughter is pretty."
The other man says, "How do you know?"
The other man says, "Because she is dead."
What do you call a person with a hole in their head? Dead.
How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw 'em.
Tell your adopted kid you want to take them back home and tell them their original parents want them, and get them all excited, then take them to the orphanage and tell them their parents died.
The Britains walk in the house of the alcoholic grandad. They ask Mary, the mum, why she had blood all over her, and she said someone dropped the butter. They walked into the living room, and Thomas was dead on the floor.
I was walking to the park and a mystery killer came and shot me.
Why can't you ever fool an aborted baby?
Because it wasn't born yesterday!