Death jokes
When you die, scientists will preserve your skull.
My wife walked in on me cheating on her and said, "How could you cheat on me?!" I said, "She was lying naked on the table what I was supposed to do?" and my wife responded with, "Perform the autopsy."
This isn't really a joke, but it's true. Your picture for your funeral may have already been taken :)
I have a body count of 7.
Ammon died.
What do you call a person with a hole in their head? Dead.
Tell your adopted kid you want to take them back home and tell them their original parents want them, and get them all excited, then take them to the orphanage and tell them their parents died.
Roses are red, I am very cool, You, on the other hand, Need to drown yourself in a pool.
What does the dead man say to the other? He says, "Your daughter is pretty."
The other man says, "How do you know?"
The other man says, "Because she is dead."
I was walking to the park and a mystery killer came and shot me.
Why didn't the skeleton follow his dreams? He was too gutless.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
His power went out.
Why don't skeletons play music at the church?
Because they don't have any organs.
I would kill for something to eat--the cannibal.
There was a dude, he was like, "Yo dawg, you wanna die?" I said, "What is this, Friday the 13th?"
Sally jumped out a plane, she forgot her parachute!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally...
How did she die?
A bomb came down whilst falling through the sky.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
A bomb.
What do you call skeletons having sex?
When the relationship is dead, but you're still fucking.
What's a zig zag and made of wood?
Stephen's coffin.
A child with cancer says, "Mother, what will I be when I grow up?"
Then the mother says, "Shut up, dick, you have cancer!" Hehehe.
Why did the Orphan have imaginary parents?
Because his last parents existed.