Death jokes

Why are orphans good at dodge ball?

No one misses them.

At weddings my mom always tells me I’m next. So I say the same to her, at funerals.

How did the gay man die? Homicide.

What does Batman have that Superman doesn't?

The ability to visit his biological parents' grave.

What do chicken on a plancha and emos have in common?

They both are hung.

What does the school shooter do after he shoots a victim? He shoots more kids in them!

What do you call a graveyard full of disabled people?

A cabbage patch.

I was crying at school because my grandpa died. My friends asked what his last words were. I told them his last words were, "Are you still holding the ladder?"

So my friend died. I was at her casket. I said I'll see you on the other side, so I went to the other side of the casket.

P.l.a.n.e.

Precious lord, are nonbelievers evil?

Orphan: Help, I'm lost.

Someone: Wears your parents.

Orphan: >:(

What's the difference between Captain Morgan and Amy Winehouse?

Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke.

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?

She wasn’t wearing a seat belt.

What did Pavol Demitra think before the Yaroslavl plane hit the ground?

"Oh shit, did I leave the stove on at home?"

I want to make another joke about Josef Vasicek, but I think if I make the NHL, I'll die in an airplane crash, so I won't risk it again.

What do you call someone who is in an airplane crash who was a 2006 Stanley Cup champion with the Carolina Hurricanes?

Josef Vasicek.

What did Kobe Bryant and Josef Vanicek have in common?

They both won a trophy at least once, Vanicek a 1x Stanley Cup champion with the Carolina Hurricanes, and they also both crashed and burned in a helicopter or airplane.

Why was Josef Vasicek a Stanley Cup champion in 2006?

Because you know who was jealous and he went down in 2020.

What did Josef Vasicek think before the plane hit the ground?

"Oh shit, is my name still on the Stanley Cup?"

I have a friend who doesn't have a dad.

He says: "You're useless, go to hell!"

Me: "Wait, why do you want me to join your dad?"