Death jokes
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He rolled away and his charger unplugged.
Every single person on the plane died except for 2. How is that possible?
It said all the single people died; the 2 were a couple. That's how it was possible.
Me: I fucked your mom.
Orphan: I don't have a mom so you fucked the air.
Why did the man die of the actor's performance?
The performance was unbeLIVEable!
What's worse than finding one dead baby in a bin? Finding one dead baby in five bins.
Cremation, the last chance to have a smoking hot body.
Who were the fastest readers on the planet? 9/11 victims, they went through 80 stories in 10 seconds.
My history teacher asked my class what time they would go back to just to see what happened.
I said I'd go back to Hitler's childhood to tell him the lies that he becomes the ruler of the world by starting the Nazis, and leave his death out of the discussion.
A man was walking home but felt tired, so took a short cut through the cemetery. He then heard a tap, tap, then out of the corner of his eye, he saw a man with a hammer hitting the tombstone. The man said, "You scared me. I thought you were a ghost." The other person mumbled, "They spelled my name wrong."
What's the difference between Kobe Bryant and Jeffrey Epstein?
Only 2 13-year-olds went down on Kobe's helicopter.
In the hospital, I saw a girl with cancer trying to sleep. The ICU was going beep beep beep. I think that's why she can't sleep, so I turned it off. She's asleep forever now. Nighty night.
How to make an orphan die?
Tell them to yell until their folks come home.
Like a shooter says, "I put the fun in funeral!"
My Italian chef friend died last week. He pasta away.
Guy 1: How far are we going?
Guy 2: About as far as somebody's miscarriage.
What do Christmas lights and Jeffrey Epstein have in common?
They don’t hang themselves.
R.I.P. on a tombstone normally means "Rest In Peace"; however, in Madeleine McCann's case, it means "Raped In Portugal".
This category is messed up.
My Mom died in 9/11, at least she was doing what she loved, flying planes.
What's a suicide bomber's biggest fear?
Dying alone.
What might an aborted child want for Christmas?
..... a home that isn't a bin.