Death jokes
If a girl jumps off a cliff, some people call it suicide and some call it girl power, but I call it BULLSHIT.
What do Batman and orphans have in common?
Their parents died.
I'm surprised that the tree is still standing when my emo friend is hanging from it.
Once upon a time lived a fat ass named Steve and got rabies and died. The end!
At every funeral, it's a try-not-to-say-"big mood"-challenge for me.
Suicide is just self-defense. You're killing the person that tried to kill you.
What's a dying person's least favorite app? TikTok.
What was the first thing Thanos snapped?
Loki’s neck.
I'm going to hang myself in the bathroom at school and put a note telling kids that I'm a piñata.
A man dies and goes to Heaven. He sees a bunch of clocks and asks Jesus what they are for. He replied they are gauges, and that they move when people lie. He said that Mother Teresa's has moved twice, Abraham Lincoln's once, and George Washington's never.
The man asks to see the current president's, and Jesus just laughs and says that Joe Biden's is the one keeping the hurricanes to speed.
It's Christmas morning, and all the decorations are done, but the tree looks like it's missing something. *grabs the noose*
Today my idiot brother screamed, "Ahhhhh, I'm dead!" But it wasn't really, so I decided to make it a reality until my sister came...
AND HELPED ME! - for once, but then two minutes later my mom showed up. We killed him right in front of her, and she screamed! "Donuts and pizza for you and more if you go to Mrs. Roberts' house and say hi and bye to Daddy!!!!!" And she hands us both a sharp tool, and I say, "What about Tommy??!!! Aren't you MAD!!!!!!!" Then she replied, "Who's THAT!!??? Coz he ain't mine. His name is Tommy, Tommy Roberts."
So then me and my sister visit Mrs. Roberts, and she said, "Oh, this isn't anything important. Go home!" So then my sister and I say hi! and do a countdown. After that my Nike white jumper had turned red! IT WAS A MUCH BETTER COLOUR, MUM SEEMED TO APROVE AS WELL! 😊😊😊 But then the police question us where daddy was, so then Mom said....................... oh he's moved on! So then the police officer was like, "Ahem, ma'm where!" SO THEN I BELLOWED.......................... UP - UR -A##. And we got let off the hook, then we moved oh and we k!lled the cop 2 and oh did i meantion we HAD a maid, and a landlord and a cat but they were all 2 annoying so we got rid of them and now our new backyard is very smellyyy and i dont think there is enoff space to put muummy anymore so now i dont think sissy will fit either🧐 i will ask my neibour nessy she'll obviously say YES or ill........................................
ok like for part two☺☺☺
Why did Stephen Hawking die? He ran out of data.
I fucked your mom, oh wait, you don't have one.
The undertaker's famous saying is "Rest In Peace" to all of his opponents, but really they don't rest in peace. The only peace they get is from God.
A man was walking home but felt tired, so took a short cut through the cemetery. He then heard a tap, tap, then out of the corner of his eye, he saw a man with a hammer hitting the tombstone. The man said, "You scared me. I thought you were a ghost." The other person mumbled, "They spelled my name wrong."
What did Michael Jackson say before he died, as far as his childhood? "This is it."
What was blue and black and doesn't like to have sex... The little girl in my trunk.
You heard that Michael Jackson autopsy reports showed he died of food poisoning?
It’s because he ate some 8 year old nuts.
What do you call the nun that hates?
For Paul Walker, Mother Teresa.