Death jokes
I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence."
How do you know an orphan is lying? When they swear on their mother's life.
I guess you can say he xxxpired.
It’s been a terrible day today. My ex got hit by a bus and died.
Not only this, but the council cut my bus driver's permit!
So, me and my friend dressed as dead people for Halloween. The only difference in the costume was that he was actually dead.
What were Princess Diana's last words?
Have you been Dri...?
Her: I love Kobe Bryant!
Me: Helicopter Helicopter
Her:.....
Me: At least you don't say save the trees, cus damn Kobe is good.
Am I considered a cannibal because I told my mom that Grandma's ashes were sugar?
What does an abortion joke and a fetus have in common... The joke never gets old, and neither does the kid.
What do you do if you see a nigger shot 50 times? Stop laughing and reload.
What is the worst thing to do at a funeral?
The corpse.
Every woman will die in five seconds.
Mother: Dies.
Sister: Dies.
Girlfriend: Lives.
You: 🤬
What do Nelson Mandela and Paul Walker have in common?
They both died at 95.
I want to be like pizza so I can get cut into 8 pieces.
One day I was passing a blind man and I gave him a gun and told him it was a blow dryer.
Next day I went for another walk and saw his grave.
I wasn’t close to my dad when he died. It’s a good thing he stepped on a land mine.
*Coughs roughly* Oh my God, it hurts so much. I can't see. It burns! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!! *Weakly*
Why do orphans want to die?
Because they might see their parents in Heaven.
Knock knock.
Who's there? It's the Grim Reaper.
Grim Reaper who?
The Grim Reaper who is about to come in your house, smoke some weed, drink some Grim Reaper liquor, and then get drunk.
I would tell a joke about Kobe, but it wouldn’t really land well.