Death jokes

So, me and my friend dressed as dead people for Halloween. The only difference in the costume was that he was actually dead.

Pass around the roses, their casket full of hoses, crash it, watch it, the water! OH SHIT IT'S GONNA BLOW!

Guy 1: How far are we going?

Guy 2: About as far as somebody's miscarriage.

What does an abortion joke and a fetus have in common... The joke never gets old, and neither does the kid.

Am I considered a cannibal because I told my mom that Grandma's ashes were sugar?

Her: I love Kobe Bryant!

Me: Helicopter Helicopter

Her:.....

Me: At least you don't say save the trees, cus damn Kobe is good.

Every woman will die in five seconds.

Mother: Dies.

Sister: Dies.

Girlfriend: Lives.

You: 🤬

This category is messed up.

My Mom died in 9/11, at least she was doing what she loved, flying planes.

What might an aborted child want for Christmas?

..... a home that isn't a bin.

My Italian chef friend died last week. He pasta away.

What's a suicide bomber's biggest fear?

Dying alone.

I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence."

How do you know an orphan is lying? When they swear on their mother's life.

*Coughs roughly* Oh my God, it hurts so much. I can't see. It burns! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!! *Weakly*

Why do orphans want to die?

Because they might see their parents in Heaven.

What is the worst thing to do at a funeral?

The corpse.

What do you do if you see a nigger shot 50 times? Stop laughing and reload.

One day I was passing a blind man and I gave him a gun and told him it was a blow dryer.

Next day I went for another walk and saw his grave.

I want to be like pizza so I can get cut into 8 pieces.

What do Nelson Mandela and Paul Walker have in common?

They both died at 95.