What do suicidal people and apples have in common?
They both hang from trees.
Death Jokes
I would tell a joke about Kobe, but it wouldn’t really land well.
A man and a child walk into the woods. The child turns to the man and says, "Mister, can we go home? It's getting late, and I'm scared to walk home."
The man turns to the child and says, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk home alone!"
One day I was passing a blind man and I gave him a gun and told him it was a blow dryer.
Next day I went for another walk and saw his grave.
I want to be like pizza so I can get cut into 8 pieces.
Dead.
Her: I love Kobe Bryant!
Me: Helicopter Helicopter
Her:.....
Me: At least you don't say save the trees, cus damn Kobe is good.
Mom died, so I planted mums and forget-me-nots all over her grave site.
Every woman will die in five seconds.
Mother: Dies.
Sister: Dies.
Girlfriend: Lives.
You: 🤬
Q: Why is the graveyard so noisy? A: Because all the coffin.
If you don't get it, it means because of people coughing.
Knock knock.
Who's there? It's the Grim Reaper.
Grim Reaper who?
The Grim Reaper who is about to come in your house, smoke some weed, drink some Grim Reaper liquor, and then get drunk.
It’s been a terrible day today. My ex got hit by a bus and died.
Not only this, but the council cut my bus driver's permit!
If you're sleeping, and you fall in your dream, you may have died, and the angels dropped you.
Or you don't wake up, and you were on your way to hell.
How to make an orphan die?
Tell them to yell until their folks come home.
Like a shooter says, "I put the fun in funeral!"
Guy 1: How far are we going?
Guy 2: About as far as somebody's miscarriage.
What did they find in Paul Walker's glovebox?
His head and shoulders.
I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence."
My Italian chef friend died last week. He pasta away.
I guess you can say he xxxpired.
