Death jokes
The orphanage said I couldn't go home.
Your dad is gone.
Killing someone is better than killing yourself.
What does a bar fly and a necrophiliac have in common?
They both enjoy a cold one once in a while.
What do you call plane crash victims?
Down to earth people.
Why did Stephen Hawking die? He didn't pay his electricity bills.
End everything and your life, Steven Roca!
I don’t like making jokes about 9/11. My grandad died in it, he was the greatest pilot I ever knew.
Why did Queen Elizabeth the II die?
Because she ran out of immortali-tea.
I asked an emo girl, "Do you ever get jealous of your phone when it dies?"
Why drink water and not bleach?
My dad died the other day, but I was able to hear his last words: "Son, are you still holding the ladder?"
What's the difference between a sports car and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a sports car in my garage.
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead bodies?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
How do you create the world's quickest human pyramid?
Turn on the gas chamber.
Why do orphans want to die?
Because they might see their parents in Heaven.
It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. “No,” says the neighbor. “The seat is empty.” “This is incredible,” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?” The neighbor says, “Well, actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.” “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible... But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbor to take her seat?” The man shakes his head. “No,” he says. “They’re all at the funeral.”
The emo girl got jealous that her phone died and not her.
How do you know when an orphan is lying?
When they say, "I swear on my mother's life."
Man: Oi, dude, why did you shoot the orphans!?
Other man: Because.
Man: Because why!?
Other man: Because who are they gonna tell? Their parents?
During the election campaign of 2012, we heard about Obama, but we thought they said Osama. So I told my friend, "Grab his gun and let's have some fun." So during one of Obama's campaigns, we both shot him to death, which lasted a while.
Then my friend said, "Let's go get piss drunk at Mavericks bar." Then on TV they talked about Obama's death, and everybody but 2 guys cheered. Then guess what, we loaded our guns and lit those 2 guys up like we did to Obama.