Death jokes
I tried to fight a razor. It cut me so deep I thought I would die.
Turns out he didn't kill me. I was never happy, but that shit made me angry.
If being sexy were a crime, you better lock me up.
Not because I'm sexy, but because I have 5 dead children in my basement.
What do Spider-Man and suicidal people have in common?
They both hang.
Four kids at my school tried suicide and failed. They are now known as the Suicide Squad.
"Uh daddy harder," the orphan said. Oh wait, he doesn’t have a daddy.
Why did 10 die??
Because he was in between 9/11.
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Well, there are 69 in my basement, and it's still dark.
My favorite place to make a bonfire? Orphanages, of course, silly!
Life asked death, "Why do people choose you over me?"
Death replied, "Because you're the beautiful lie, and I'm the painful truth."
I wanted to play as Kobe Bryant on my gaming console, but the game kept crashing.
My dad died in 9/11, he was a great pilot.
Where did Sarah go after the bombing?
Everywhere. 💀
Any 8 year old: Sus!
Me: Jake, we're at a funeral!
This kid was going to sleep and he said, "Night, Mum. Night, Dad. And night, Grandma, and bye, Grandpa." The next morning, Grandpa died, and the next night he said, "Night, Dad. Night, Mum. Night, Grandma." Grandma died the next morning. The next night he said, "Night, Mum, bye, Dad," and they heard the postman died because he was the dad, lol.
When I grow up, I wanna be like Lil Peep... Dead.
I don't like making Kobe jokes... they always crash and burn.
I had an uncle who was a conductor. He wasn’t a symphony conductor, nor was he a street car conductor, nor was he a train conductor. He was struck by lightning.
- The emo went to give the tree a high five, but the emo was left hanging.
- How did the gay person die? Homicide.
- Why did the emo get kicked out of the amusement park? He was cutting in line.
- When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it leaves and never comes back.
- I cried when my dad chopped onions. Onions was such a good dog.
- I have happy memories building sandcastles with my dad, until my mom took his urn away.
- How is the person over there different from cancer? His dad didn't beat cancer.
A woman approached me in the street the other day with one of those charity collection buckets and asked me: Do you know how often people die from AIDS?
I said: Now I'm no expert, but I think it's only once.
Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
To see his flat-mate.