Death jokes

Why did the man miss the funeral?

He wasn’t a mourning person.

It’s important to establish a good vocabulary.

If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.

What's the difference between a parachute and a coffin?

One brings you safely to the ground, and the other is a last resort when you've already hit it.

What's the difference between me and my mate...

I left my dad, while hers left with their friend Cancer.

Rip Juice WRLD.

A man was walking home but felt tired, so took a short cut through the cemetery. He then heard a tap, tap, then out of the corner of his eye, he saw a man with a hammer hitting the tombstone. The man said, "You scared me. I thought you were a ghost." The other person mumbled, "They spelled my name wrong."

Teacher: What do you kids want to be when you grow up?

Kid 1: I want to be a firefighter.

Kid 2: I want to be a police officer.

Kid 3: I want to be dead like both my parents.

Teacher: Ok, everyone pull out your books.

Kid 4: Are we going to ignore what he said?

Teacher: What do you want me to do? Call his parents?

What's worse than 2 dead babies in a trash bin? Two babies in one trash bin.

Stephen Hawking died because his WiFi ran out.

I guess you can say he xxxpired.

What were Princess Diana's last words?

Have you been Dri...?

What's a suicide bomber's biggest fear?

Dying alone.

Guy 1: How far are we going?

Guy 2: About as far as somebody's miscarriage.

My Italian chef friend died last week. He pasta away.

I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence."

Like a shooter says, "I put the fun in funeral!"

This category is messed up.

My Mom died in 9/11, at least she was doing what she loved, flying planes.

What might an aborted child want for Christmas?

..... a home that isn't a bin.

I would tell a joke about Kobe, but it wouldn’t really land well.

Every woman will die in five seconds.

Mother: Dies.

Sister: Dies.

Girlfriend: Lives.

You: 🤬