Death jokes
My grandpa died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.
I wasn't close to my dad when he died.
Which was good, he died to a landmine.
When is a right time to dance on a body? If it is under the floorboards.
What’s black and white and red all over?
A crushed nun!
What’s that black stuff between an elephants toes?
Slow natives.
Why did the cliff feel offended?
Because George jumped OFF. ENDED his life.
(I'm sorry... No, I'm not!)
A prisoner was told how he'll be executed. Needless to say, he was shocked.
Why does a leaf fall faster than an emo kid? Because the emo hangs itself.
My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.
I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.
I knew a girl that died from having phone sex... He died of hearing aids.
Don't leave us hanging, Sayori.
What do leaves and suicidal people have in common? Nothing, one falls from the tree and one doesn't.
Where do orphans have their family reunions?
The graveyard.
Suicide is never the answer.
Suicide is the question.
The answer is yes.
Me: Hey Siri, did you know Candice died?
Siri: Yes, I was informed she died from sugondese.
Me: What is that?
Siri: Sugondese nuts.
I hate the 9/11 jokes; my dad and grandpa were killed.
My dad was one hell of a pilot.
Grandpa was a hell of a planner.
What's the hardest line to draw in a hospital?
... A FLATLINE!
How do you make a plumber die?
You kill his family.
Lil’ Johnny be dead, you fools!
Thanks for the birthday wishes. It's been an odd one this year, as some of you know, my father suddenly passed away on my birthday last year, and anyone who knew the old man knew he had a sledgehammer wit!
Good on ya dad, ya definitely got the last laugh!
What do you get when you put a baby in a box filled with glass and nails and push it down the stairs?
... A boner.