Death jokes
Why do my kids die?
Stinky Oussy :D
My uncle got really badly burned the other day.
They don't fuck around at the crematorium.
Me: I fucked your mom.
Orphan: I don't have a mom so you fucked the air.
Cremation, the last chance to have a smoking hot body.
Why did the man die of the actor's performance?
The performance was unbeLIVEable!
Memes
How did Stephen Hawking die?
Windows didn’t update in time.
What's worse than finding one dead baby in a bin? Finding one dead baby in five bins.
Two skeletons meet at the graveyard at noon.
"What the heck are you doing here?"
"I couldn't sleep."
I still remember my granddad's last words,
"Are you still holding the ladder?"
What's worse than one dead baby in a trash can?
One dead baby in ten trash cans.
Sayori: *dies*
Monika: "You kinda left her hanging... 😊"
MC: "😨"
My grandfather was the type of person who never threw anything away.
He died in World War II holding on to a hand grenade.
When my Uncle Frank died, he wanted his cremations to be buried in his favorite beer mug.
His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.
Why did the man miss the funeral?
He wasn’t a mourning person.
It’s important to establish a good vocabulary.
If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.
What's the difference between a parachute and a coffin?
One brings you safely to the ground, and the other is a last resort when you've already hit it.
What's the difference between me and my mate...
I left my dad, while hers left with their friend Cancer.
The George Floyd situation was breathtaking.
A man was walking home but felt tired, so took a short cut through the cemetery. He then heard a tap, tap, then out of the corner of his eye, he saw a man with a hammer hitting the tombstone. The man said, "You scared me. I thought you were a ghost." The other person mumbled, "They spelled my name wrong."
Teacher: What do you kids want to be when you grow up?
Kid 1: I want to be a firefighter.
Kid 2: I want to be a police officer.
Kid 3: I want to be dead like both my parents.
Teacher: Ok, everyone pull out your books.
Kid 4: Are we going to ignore what he said?
Teacher: What do you want me to do? Call his parents?