Death jokes

He's dead.

Three guys are escaping from North Korea through a tunnel.

The guards know that they are coming and will shoot them with paintball guns as a warning.

The guys show up and the guards shoot them.

The guys die because the guards used real guns.

Bullets.

What happened to the chicken after he died? He did not say anything, so I don't know.

Orphan: My mommy and daddy love me.

Guy: Where are they then?

Orphan: In the eternal depths of [hell].

How did Helen Keller die?

Her ex gave her plutonium and told her to eat it.

Everyone likes orphans but their parents.

Doctor: Hands husband his baby.

Doctor: I'm sorry but your wife didn't make it.

Husband: Then give me the one she made.

My grandfather said we rely on technology too much, so I unplugged his life support. Luckily, I remember his last words: "You little bastard!"

The whole reason he is dead is because he kept hitting "Remind me later" on his Windows Updates.

My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me and said, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"

I had a boyfriend once. He broke up with me because he "wanted to be more alive." I guess it didn't work when he went to my basement.

How did Steven Hawking die?

He blew a fuse doing an update.

Why did Stephen Hawking die?

He tried to get the free cracked version of Windows 10.

What's the difference between an orphan and a corpse?

One of them has someone to mourn them.

Did you know the pool in the Titanic is still full?

My ex's dad died while she was texting me. She said she had a boyfriend, but I told her I had a dad.

What's the difference between Captain Morgan and Amy Winehouse?

Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke.

If you give a man a match, he is warm for the night, but if you light a man on fire, he will be warm for the rest of his life. :)

My dad died in 9/11, and that was the second worst thing that happened to me with a plane, next to Soul Plane.