Before my grandad died, he whispered to me, "Is your uncle still in the basement?" I said he has died. Oh, my grandad said, "I will lock him in heaven's basement."
Death Jokes
What's the difference between three dead babies and a Ferrari?
I don't own a Ferrari.
Welcome to David's Morgue, you stab 'em, we slab 'em!
Why did Sally drop her ice cream?
Because she got hit by a bus.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
What is common with dark humor and unvaccinated kids?
Neither do ever grow old.
I was outside digging a six-foot hole when I found a treasure box with jewels and shiny gems! I almost went inside to tell my wife, then I remembered why I was digging the hole.
In the hospital, I saw a girl with cancer trying to sleep. The ICU was going beep beep beep. I think that's why she can't sleep, so I turned it off. She's asleep forever now. Nighty night.
Man: Doctor, where are you taking me?
Doctor: To the morgue.
Man: But I’m not dead yet.
Doctor: Are we there yet?
What do you do when your cat's dead?
Play with the neighbor's pussy instead.
I'll never forget my dad's last words before he kicked the bucket: "Hey, look how far I can kick this bucket!"
If being sexy were a crime, you better lock me up.
Not because I'm sexy, but because I have 5 dead children in my basement.
What do you call a kid laying down in the classroom? Kill confirmed.
What do you call three kids laying down in the classroom? Kill streak.
As I grow older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe tour guide wasn't the right career choice for me...
Parents...
What is my favorite thing about my grandpa?
His life insurance.
What is the difference between Juice Wrld and an orphan?
One is loved by all.
What is my most popular side of myself?
Suicide.
I knew this one guy who liked to swim with the fishes, then the mob got a hold of 'em...
Why do you put a baby into a blender feet first?
So you can see the look on its face...
Cremation: Your last chance for a smoking hot body.
