Death jokes

"Suicide bomber kills 44 people in Pakistan mosque." Damn, that's a crazy K/D. He must be hacking.

Give Kobe a plane ticket, he'll fly for the trip, but give Kobe a helicopter and he'll fly for the rest of his life.

I'M GOING TO HELL FOR THIS!!!

A class is being taught when Bill Clinton walks in. He asks the class, "What is a tragedy?"

One kid, named Jim, raises his hand and says, "If my family and I got ran over by a truck, that would be a tragedy." Bill Clinton replies, "That would be an accident, not a tragedy."

A couple of seconds later, Audrey raises her hand and says, "If a school shooting would happen and 10 kids died, that would be a tragedy." Bill Clinton replies once again with: "That would be a great loss, not a tragedy." All of the kids are confused now when all of a sudden Matthew says, "If you and Hillary Clinton were on an airplane and it got blown up, that would be a tragedy!"

"Yes!" Says Bill Clinton "How do you know?" Matthew says happily, "It is definitely not an accident, and certainly not a great loss!"

Fruit is like life. You slowly eat it away as it slowly also begins to rot like everyone I’ve known.

I’m about to tell you the funniest joke I heard:

Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls emergency services. The operator then hears the problem and says, “Well, let’s make sure he’s dead.” A shot is then heard. The other guy says, “Ok, now what?”

Did you laugh?

Person: Where do I commit suicide?

Dog: Roof.

Person: Good idea.

The gas prices are going up so much that even Hitler is killing himself.

Your mom so ugly that Paul Walker died.

A beautiful woman is on the ledge of a bridge about to commit suicide.

A homeless man walks by her and says, "What are you doing?"

She says, "I'm going to jump!"

The homeless man says, "If you're going to kill yourself, do you wanna have sex with me first?"

The woman replies, "No way, creep! Never that!"

The homeless man doesn't seem bothered and says, "That's fine, I'll just wait 'til you're at the bottom."

I was at a concert in the front row, and I shouted something to the band's guitarist. He took it the wrong way and responded: "I'm going to go down there and hit you with my guitar!"

And I replied: "Is that a death fret?"

At every funeral, it's a try-not-to-say-"big mood"-challenge for me.

What did the orphans do when the bombs drop?

They said, "Allahu Akbar."

The more suicidal people there are, the fewer suicidal people there are.

Why can't Juice Wrld play Black Ops II?

Because he can't handle 6 perks.

Why did Sally die? She got stabbed by her mum.

Jack and Jill went up my ass to eat a big dildo, but Jack died cause he got hit by a brown thing.

My dad said not to touch this thingy called a gun, but I looked down that pole and pressed that thing, and now I'm in heaven.

What is the difference in having a granny fetish and necrophilia? A few weeks.

What do you call a bunch of depressed kids with AK47s?

Suicide squad. 😂😂😂

I ran over three disabled kids.

"Cripple kill."