Death jokes
Johnny had 55 pineapples. He threw three at his friend. How many does he have now?
None, because he was pistol whipped then shot at point blank range with a sawed off shotgun covered in fluoroantimonic acid which burned a hole in his skull causing his brain to melt and rupture nerve cells all over his friends. Then his arms and legs were stuffed into a wheat thresher which was used to harvest the meat of the enslaved children. Then his corpse was molested.
How does the dog dance?
He doesn't... he's dead.
How do you make a baby cry?
You run over it with a lawn mower.
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Of course not, he got nailed before he died!
How do you spell racecar backwards?
racecar
How do you spell racecar sideways?
Paul Walker's death.
Twinkle, twinkle, there’s a car Coming like a shooting star.
I will stand in the way. I will not be seen again. Are you happy I am dead? Now you made it to the end.
Kobe got irl canceled.
What’s the best cure for not wanting to go to work?
Suicide.
What kills you?
Suicide.
Guys, stop making funny jokes of orphans. What, their parents are gonna get mad? Oh wait, continue.
Me: Knock knock.
My Grandma: Who’s there?
Me: Interrupting cow.
My Grandma: Interrupting c-
[Dies from heart attack]
Why can't Kobe go shopping?
He's dead.
Fastest story readers are 9/11 victims.
They went through 87 stories in 7 seconds.
When I die, I’ll die in a trash can.
Me testing if there is fall damage in real life (falls off of a cliff, uses water bucket trick) dies.
Man with cancer: How much time do I have left?
Doctor: Ten.
Man: Weeks? Months? Days?
Doctor: Nine, eight, seven...
I am going to be a ghost for Halloween. I actually want to be a ghost every day, because at least I'd be dead.
What do parents and dark humor have in common? Some get it, and some don't.
What’s yellow and can sink a bus full of kids?
To start off this Christmas season, I'ma make a list of what I want, then I'ma make plans with my family, then to start off my decorations, I'ma start with the first ornament and hang myself.