Death jokes
Hello, it is the suicide line. Just keep hanging.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he was part of the Lazy Bones team!
What does RIP stand for on Maddie's head stone?
Raped in Portugal!
What was the last thing to go through Princess Diana’s head before she died?
The steering wheel.
How do you know when an orphan is lying?
When they say, "I swear on my mother's life."
My dad said not to touch this thingy called a gun, but I looked down that pole and pressed that thing, and now I'm in heaven.
What's worse than a pile of dead babies?
One at the bottom that's still alive.
What's worse than that?
It's forced to eat its way out.
What's even worse than that?
It comes back for seconds.
What's the difference between Paul Walker and my computer?
I care when my computer crashes.
Why are the same Sally jokes told over and over again? Because how can you tell jokes about someone who's dead?
Why did the koala fall off the tree? Because it was dead, DUHHHHHHHHHHH!
How do you know someone is going to die?
He can't stop coughing. (coffin)
What's the difference between apples and dead babies?
I don't ejaculate on apples before I eat them.
Kobe likes his shoes like the way he died.
Air.
Why would an orphan be a good Spider-Man?
Because his parents will be far from home.
What's the difference between your job and a dead hooker?
Your job still sucks.
Why do emos like circles? Because they can hang out with them.
The quiet kid's dad dies. You go, "Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Not your dad."
Then he says, "What comes after 47?"
The quiet kid says, "AK."
Suicide is just self-defense. You're killing the person that tried to kill you.
I'm not going to bungee jump. I was born because of broken rubber and I'm not gonna die the same way.
Me: Now I know why Michael Jackson turned white.
The police: You finally figured it out.