Death jokes
What do you do when your cat's dead?
Play with the neighbor's pussy instead.
If being sexy were a crime, you better lock me up.
Not because I'm sexy, but because I have 5 dead children in my basement.
What do you call a kid laying down in the classroom? Kill confirmed.
What do you call three kids laying down in the classroom? Kill streak.
Parents...
What is my favorite thing about my grandpa?
His life insurance.
What is the difference between Juice Wrld and an orphan?
One is loved by all.
What is my most popular side of myself?
Suicide.
I knew this one guy who liked to swim with the fishes, then the mob got a hold of 'em...
Why do you put a baby into a blender feet first?
So you can see the look on its face...
Cremation: Your last chance for a smoking hot body.
What do your teacher and your friend have in common?
They will both die eventually.
Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?
Because he had "no-body" to go with.
A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, "I'm sorry, but you only have 10 left."
The patient asks him, "Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?"
The doctor calmly looks at him and says, "Nine."
How did the lesbian die? Homicide.
Q. What's the difference between an assassinated Healthcare CEO and Old Yeller?
A. I cried when they shot Old Yeller.
What's hard about walking through a bunch of dead babies?
My dick.
People always often say to someone who are thinking about suicide that's the easy way out. Don't give up! All I say is I'm not giving up, just I'm giving in, and does it really seem like it's the easiest way out? I don't think so, it's probably the hardest if you ask me, or I would have done it already, but someone's got to do it.
One day, there are friends having fun.
Hours later, one of the friends, Alice, wanted to leave and said, "Cya guys, I'm just gonna hang in the tree and have some fresh air."
And they all agree.
Hours go by, and the group of friends are ready to go home, but then they see a tree in the distance that looks like someone is hanging on the tree with a tight rope.
What sound does a baby make when you put it in a blender? I don’t know. I was too busy wanking.
I want to die.