Death jokes
Fastest story readers are 9/11 victims.
They went through 87 stories in 7 seconds.
Man with cancer: How much time do I have left?
Doctor: Ten.
Man: Weeks? Months? Days?
Doctor: Nine, eight, seven...
I am going to be a ghost for Halloween. I actually want to be a ghost every day, because at least I'd be dead.
I heard this was a really popular funeral home. People are dying to get in.
Why can't Kobe go shopping?
He's dead.
Memes
A leaf and an emo fell off a cliff, who landed first? The leaf, because the rope stopped the emo.
An emo and a leaf fall out of a tree. Which hits the ground first? The leaf. The rope stopped the emo.
One of my family members died on 9/11, he was one of the best pilots in the Middle East.
What’s yellow and can sink a bus full of kids?
Me: Knock knock.
My Grandma: Who’s there?
Me: Interrupting cow.
My Grandma: Interrupting c-
[Dies from heart attack]
Me testing if there is fall damage in real life (falls off of a cliff, uses water bucket trick) dies.
To start off this Christmas season, I'ma make a list of what I want, then I'ma make plans with my family, then to start off my decorations, I'ma start with the first ornament and hang myself.
How did the lesbian die? Homicide.
What is the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby? One sticks to the roof of your mouth, while the other one doesn't!
A man and a boy were walking through a dark forest. The boy said, “I’m scared.” The man said, “Why are you scared? I’m the one who’s going to leave these woods alone.”
What do you call an orphan's parents?
Dead meat.
There was an animal on my porch, then I shot it in the head. It was strange that it had coffee in its hand. I flipped it over, and it was an animal, but it looked a lot like my kid.
I still remember my grandpa's last words.
"Stop shaking the damn ladder!"
POV: You're an orphan.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not your mom.
How do you know someone is going to die?
He can't stop coughing. (coffin)