Death jokes
Don’t have sex. Because you will get pregnant. 𝓐𝓷𝓭 𝓭𝓲𝓮.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
His Windows update wasn't available.
What is Mozart doing right now? -- Decomposing.
Other girls want a guy who is 6ft, but does me being 6ft under count?
What does the dead man say to the other? He says, "Your daughter is pretty."
The other man says, "How do you know?"
The other man says, "Because she is dead."
The secret to dark humor is the delivery... oh wait, the baby was stillborn.
Murder is the same as suicide, except the other person is doing it for you.
What is the difference between a dead body and a Lamborghini?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
Your mama is so stupid, her phone died, so she buried it in the backyard!
I would make a joke about Kobe, but I don't think it would fly very well.
So, two kids argued and insulted each other.
KID 1: "Your dad left because he didn't want you, so why don't you kill yourself?"
KID 2: "Well, your dad already killed himself because he didn't want you."
Ugh, don't you just hate it when you're having sex and your parents walk in the room and say, "No more dead babies for your mister, we are running low!"
It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. “No,” says the neighbor. “The seat is empty.” “This is incredible,” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?” The neighbor says, “Well, actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.” “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible... But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbor to take her seat?” The man shakes his head. “No,” he says. “They’re all at the funeral.”
Orphan: "I want to kill my parents."
People: "I don't think you have the facilities for that, big man."
Roses or daisies? Now I know what flowers to put on your casket when I murder that pussy.
What’s the difference between fruit and dead babies? I don’t put fruit in a blender.
We shouldn't joke about major tragedies. My dad died in 9/11, he was Saudi Arabia's best pilot.
A young boy is stood on the top of a cliff crying. A priest approaches and says, "Why are you crying my son?" "My parents just crashed the car off the cliff and died." "It's just not your day today is it?" Said the priest, unbuttoning his flies.
The earth was once flat... until they buried your mom.
What do world hunger and a Mercedes have in common?
Diana can't stop either.