Death jokes
You've probably heard this one before, but screw it.
What's the difference between Jesus Christ and the kid I just killed?
Jesus Christ probably died a virgin.
A lady asked if I heard about the mass shooting in Ohio. I said yes, my friend died there. She said I’m so sorry. I said yeah, I tried telling him the police had good aim. Worse than that, he just found out his sister was cheating on him.
If you have an overdose on a drug and die, then the lethal dose would be a lifetime supply.
What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk.
I could never forget my grandfather's last words. "Stop shaking the ladd-"
Random post #3
Man dies.
My friend has a dry sense of humor.
Probably because her body was decomposed ages ago.
Are you my fish? Because you're supposed to be dead.
The skeleton cancelled the gallery showing of his skull-ptures because his heart just wasn’t in it.
I don't like making Kobe jokes... they always crash and burn.
What's the difference between a million dollars and a million dead babies?
I don't have a million dollars laying around my house.
What's the last thing to go through a fly's head as it hits a car's windshield at 100 mph?
Its ass.
I bet my friend $5 that he would drown in the lake.
... It was a bittersweet victory.
Suicide really isn't something to joke about, unless it's hanging yourself.
It's a really quicker way to die, and less blood spilled for your mother to clean up.
How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff?
Because they found her Head and Shoulders in the glove compartment!
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Well, there are 69 in my basement, and it's still dark.
Say this out loud: "Gabe Itch."
What's black and white and red all over?
A massacre at a funeral.
Why did the monkey fall from the tree? Because he was dead.
Bin Laden's relatives were killed in a plane crash, lol.