Death jokes

How do you know someone is going to die?

He can't stop coughing. (coffin)

What do you call Darth Vader when he dies?

A black alien.

I saw a kid sitting on the curb and I asked him, "Are you an orphan?"

He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?" "You're parents did."

POV: You're an orphan.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Not your mom.

What do you call an orphan's parents?

Dead meat.

I could be red, I could be orange, I could be yellow, I could be green, I could be blue, I could be purple, but I would be dead.

Yo mama is so fat that a whole forest grew on her, but it was sad because she really smells, so the forest died.

What's the difference between a dad and an Emo?

They both don't last a while.

Do you ever consider during the cremation that the meat is well done?

Why did the orphan dig six feet under?

To find his parents.

What’s the difference between a leaf and an emo kid falling out of a tree? The leaf reaches the ground.

My grandma told me I was next at my brother's wedding, so I told her she was next at her husband's funeral.

If you drop an apple and an emo girl, who falls first?

The apple, because the emo girl hung herself.

What’s yellow and can sink a bus full of kids?

A leaf and an emo fell off a cliff, who landed first? The leaf, because the rope stopped the emo.

To start off this Christmas season, I'ma make a list of what I want, then I'ma make plans with my family, then to start off my decorations, I'ma start with the first ornament and hang myself.

An emo and a leaf fall out of a tree. Which hits the ground first? The leaf. The rope stopped the emo.

One of my family members died on 9/11, he was one of the best pilots in the Middle East.

What is the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby? One sticks to the roof of your mouth, while the other one doesn't!

I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it.

Then I remembered why I’m digging in our garden.