If an orphan has a nightmare, they should run to their parents. Oh wait!
Death Jokes
What kills you?
Suicide.
What’s the best cure for not wanting to go to work?
Suicide.
What do parents and dark humor have in common? Some get it, and some don't.
Fastest story readers are 9/11 victims.
They went through 87 stories in 7 seconds.
I am going to be a ghost for Halloween. I actually want to be a ghost every day, because at least I'd be dead.
When I die, I’ll die in a trash can.
Man with cancer: How much time do I have left?
Doctor: Ten.
Man: Weeks? Months? Days?
Doctor: Nine, eight, seven...
I heard this was a really popular funeral home. People are dying to get in.
POV: You're an orphan.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not your mom.
What do you call an orphan's parents?
Dead meat.
What is the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby? One sticks to the roof of your mouth, while the other one doesn't!
A man and a boy were walking through a dark forest. The boy said, “I’m scared.” The man said, “Why are you scared? I’m the one who’s going to leave these woods alone.”
There was an animal on my porch, then I shot it in the head. It was strange that it had coffee in its hand. I flipped it over, and it was an animal, but it looked a lot like my kid.
I still remember my grandpa's last words.
"Stop shaking the damn ladder!"
Kobe got irl canceled.
I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it.
Then I remembered why I’m digging in our garden.
Let's say I was immortal. No matter what I did, I would be alive. But, the catch is I’m the least flexible and least strong person in the world.
Now, I get my head chopped off. What would I do? I would roll over to my headless body and figure out what it's like to suck my own dick.
I'll never forget my aunt's last words before she died: "Can you stop shaking the ladder, please?"
WARNING: READ THIS JOKE ALOUD!
Was it the pills that stopped his coughing, or was it the coffin they carried him off in?
