Death jokes
How do you make a plumber cry?
Kill his whole family.
How do you fit 100 babies in a bowl? A blender.
How do you get them out? Tortilla chips.
An orphan saw a tornado, and he thought he saw his mom, but then he realized it was a corpse and said, "Hi, Dad!"
The person I hate: Omg, my mom and dad just died.
Me: Omg, I am so sorry, don't worry.
The person I hate: I have a boyfriend.
Me: Well, I have a mom and dad.
The person I hate: Rood.
Me: Shut up.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't know why I am still alive for you.
I went to the orphanage and shot everyone in there. It's not like anyone will attend their funeral.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He traveled too far from the outlet.
Grandpa's last words: "Why do you have a chainsaw?"
Person 1: You are the dumbest person in the class.
Person 2: Well, you're the second. Maybe, but at least I'm not the dumbest.
Person 2: I know how to fix that!
... Next day person commits suicide...
I want to die like my grandpa, with a blindfold and a wet sponge on his head.
I don't call it suicide. I call it population control.
Why did little Billy drop his ice cream cone?
Because he got hit by a bus.
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead bodies?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
So, a woman gets into a car accident and is in the hospital, and the doctor goes on to tell the man what is going on.
Doctor: "So, your wife, she is paralyzed from the neck down."
And as the doctor goes on, he says all the things the man must do for her, like feed her, dress her, etc. Then the man says, "Why, WHY ME!"
Then the doctor leans over and whispers in the man's ear and says, "I'm just fuckin' with you, she's DEAD!"
What happened when the depressed kid went to give it a high five?
It left him hanging.
POV: Orphans rule the world.
God said, "I'm your dad," then kills himself.
The orphan: Waaaaaa!
Kurt Cobain's last job was a blow job. He blew his head clean off.
What falls to the ground first if an apple and an emo kid fall from a tree?
The apple because the rope caught the emo kid.
Why did Mom cross the road?
To kill you!
Why did Technoblade die?
'Cause he wanted to Skyblock in Heaven!