Death jokes
Why did Steven Hawkins die?
Because he got a virus.
I like my women like I like my coffee: nice, fresh, and dead.
You don't want to know why it takes so long to put a dead woman in a mass-produced coffin in a pre-buried grave dug by machinery that is then filled by mourners.
I walk in from work to find my wife dead on the sofa.
As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of sick fuck does that?
What goes pop pop sizzle sizzle?
Two dead babies in an acid bath.
What's yellow and can't swim? My mom on Halloween.
A friend texts to another:
"Hey." They reply, "What's up?"
The first friend then replies with a simple answer, "The sky!" But the other friend intervenes and says, "No, it's the ceiling!"
To then the first friend finishes the greeting with, "Unless you're homeless or six feet under."
What is the difference between Sir Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed?
Sir Isaac Newton died a virgin.
Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?
So you can see the look on its face as you climax.
Who are the world's fastest readers?
9/11 victims. 100 stories in 11 seconds.
I wonder if Stephen Hawking heard the song "Gangster's Paradise." Oh, shit, he can't!
What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown suit.
People see this Rolex and they kill themselves.
Motherfucker, that's a suicide watch!
Why couldn't the rape victim run away?
Because she was dead.
What's the difference between a cat and a human? About 500 bullets.
There will be no school shooter joke today in honor of the 10 people killed in the Colorado grocery store shooting. R.I.P.
Where do you take Stephen Hawking when he dies?
The Apple repair store.
What's the difference between a million dollars and a million dead babies?
I don't have a million dollars laying around my house.
How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
"Wheel" all miss him, right?