Death jokes
A pilot is having a talk with one of his passengers. The passenger asks, "Why did you become a pilot?" The pilot replies with, "To face my fears." The passenger then says, "You're afraid of heights?" "No, I'm afraid of dying alone."
What's a suicidal person's favorite game?
Hangman.
Did you know the pool in the Titanic is still full?
What do you call a man off the ground?
Hanged.
*Loud explosion inside the tank*
"Where's the commander?" "He's gone." "Where has he gone?" "All over the place."
Memes
It’s sad but true 🥲
How are school shooting victims and school shooting jokes similar?
They never get old.
My fifth wife asked me to help her dig in the garden. Here we go again.
Fatty and Skinny were in a bed.
Fatty rolled over, and Skinny was dead.
Suicidal people are a big contributor to the rope making industry.
What makes suicide illegal?
Getting caught.
My grandfather never threw anything away, bless him. He died in the war holding on to a hand grenade.
Snow everywhere, it's Christmas time. A person looks at the tree.
The person: "Only the last thing left to hang!"
He grabs a noose.
What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk.
I'm a fast reader, I can go through 20 stories in a few seconds.
I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. -- I'm not really a mourning person.
Teacher: Ok class, I'm going to ask a question about your family.
Alex: Miss, my Dad died in 9/11.
Teacher: OH NO, I'M SO SORRY!
Alex: Don't worry miss. It was only Dad and besides, he did what he wanted before he died.
Teacher: What was that?
Alex: Flew the plane.
if a toy from Toy Story died, the kid wouldn't know, and the other toys would just have to watch as their kid played with the corpse.
I went to visit my friend's sick grandpa. He was lying in a hospital bed connected to a lot of tubes. When I approached him, he kept repeating "Nǐ cǎizhe wǒ de yǎngqì guǎn."
Suddenly, right in front of me, he passed. Later that night, I translated his last words, and they were, "You're standing on my oxygen tube."
When I die, can someone play "Best Day Ever" during my funeral?
Why were 6 scared of 7? Because 7 8 9. Then why was 10 afraid? Because it was between 9/11.
What do you think was going through the heads of the 9/11 victims on floor 43? Floor 44 💀💀