Death jokes
What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed to death?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
Who's the world's fastest reader?
9/11 victims. They went through 90 stories in 60 seconds.
I’m about to tell you the funniest joke I heard:
Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls emergency services. The operator then hears the problem and says, “Well, let’s make sure he’s dead.” A shot is then heard. The other guy says, “Ok, now what?”
Did you laugh?
I told my wife I needed a blood transfusion when I could not remember. She said, "Be positive too."
Bad, I am now a ghost writing this.
What was Stephen Hawking's last message before he died: "Server shutting down."
Have you heard about the blind man who saw the accident and the dead man who heard it?
Mufasa is proof that cats don't always land on their feet.
Tell your adopted kid you want to take them back home and tell them their original parents want them, and get them all excited, then take them to the orphanage and tell them their parents died.
Why did the student at Blacktown Girls cross the road? To go to heaven. HAHAHA
Yo mama was so fat, the Earth was flat before they put your mama in a grave.
Why did the suicide bomber get promoted?
Because he was blowing up at work. 💀😈
When did Michael say, "This is it"?
2009.
People joking about 9/11.
Random kid: "You shouldn’t joke about that! I lost my dad on 9/11."
Oh.
"Yeah, he was the greatest pilot ever!"
A kid came to the orphanage with a dead fish. She was crying.
Why was the kid crying in the orphanage? Because someone came for the fish.
Are you going to jump? Can I jump with you?
My grandma just died from cancer.
My last words to her were “I like your cut, G.”
I wonder if Kobe Bryant enjoyed his last flight.
My grandpa said this generation relies too much on tech, so I unplugged his life support.
What's the difference between an orphan and a flower?
The flowers actually get picked.
Why are orphans good at math? Because they can subtract their parents from the family.