Death

Death jokes

Pilot

Stop making 9/11 jokes, my father died in a plane crash.

Best pilot in Saudi Arabia.

Virgin

If you die a virgin, then where does your v-card go? Does it go with you to the grave, or does your mortician take it from you?

Suicide

Suicide is illegal because it's a crime to destroy government property.

  • 4
  • EpiPen

    I have an EpiPen.

    My friend gave it to me when he was dying.

    It seemed really important to him that I have it.

  • 2
  • Costume party

    There was a costume party on Halloween. Everyone was there except one guy. Many people asked his brother where he was. His reply was, "Oh, he wanted to be our dad for Halloween."

    Son

    Son: Dad? Why is mommy no longer with us?

    Dad: Why did the chicken cross the road?

    Son: Why?

    Dad: To get to the other side, but your mother only made it about halfway.

    Difference

    What's the difference between the Twin Towers and an airplane landing strip? Don't know, neither did my dad.

    Answer

    Someone asked me why I'm still here... the answer is simple: I don't want to be used as a school assembly.

    Dad

    I'll always remember my dad's last words... "Why do you have an axe? We live in the city!"

    Dad

    My dad and I went to the hospital once, and he said he'd be fine and it'd only take a few minutes.

    Lying bastard never came out.

  • 2
  • Dad

    What's the difference between my dad and a hooker?

    Hookers come back.

  • 5
  • Tea

    I like my people how I like my tea...

    In a bag under water.

    Plane

    Give a man a plane ticket and he'll fly for a day. Push a man from a plane and he'll fly for the rest of his life.

    Pilot

    A pilot is having a talk with one of his passengers. The passenger asks, "Why did you become a pilot?" The pilot replies with, "To face my fears." The passenger then says, "You're afraid of heights?" "No, I'm afraid of dying alone."