Death jokes

"Do you have a noose?"

"Nose?"

"Yeah, noose- nose... I heard yours was stuffed lately--haha."

"I actually smell something--like a corpse. Is it you?"

"No."

*Dying on the inside has never been so detectable.*

What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed to death?

Isaac Newton died a virgin.

There was a dude, he was like, "Yo dawg, you wanna die?" I said, "What is this, Friday the 13th?"

Why did the skeleton cross the road? To prove he had guts! :)

What do Batman and orphans have in common?

Their parents died.

I hope Betty Pears was a Buckcherry fan.

She literally died a crazy bitch.

Where was Emily during the bombing?

Everywhere.

What did Kobe say to the helicopter?

"Don't crash!"

A bully told an orphan to cry to his parents, so he did.

His adoptive parents were very supportive about the situation, and everything was settled. He died in an accident a day later.

How did Stephen Hawking die?

His power went out.

My sister: See you at home in about an hour.

Me: Okay.

My sister: Sister, where are you? *She looks out the window.*

Me: Sis, I'm here, can't you see me?

Sister: OMG, she's dead!

Me: Yeah, I know, but can't you see me?

Scratches on an icy road and kills 50 people on the bus, and when they get to Heaven, God feels so bad for them and grants them all one wish.

The first lady in the line was always worried about her looks, so she wished to be beautiful, and the guy behind her couldn’t think of what to wish about, so he also wished to be beautiful. This kept on going, but the guy at the end of the line started to laugh. When he got to God, God says, “What is your one wish, my son?” He said, “I wish you can make them all ugly again.”

Did you hear about the midget who was beaten to death playing volleyball at a nudist colony?

A kid came to the orphanage with a dead fish. She was crying.

Why was the kid crying in the orphanage? Because someone came for the fish.

People joking about 9/11.

Random kid: "You shouldn’t joke about that! I lost my dad on 9/11."

Oh.

"Yeah, he was the greatest pilot ever!"

Who was most surprised by Jeffrey Epstein's suicide?

Jeffrey Epstein.

I caught the flowers at a wedding--now married to a hot guy. But then I caught an STD at a funeral, I kinda nervo.........

Why did the Orphan have imaginary parents?

Because his last parents existed.

"Kobe is known for fade aways too bad he faded away."

My grief counselor died. He was so good, I don't even care!