When you die, people cry and wish you to come back.
But when you do, people scream and run away.
If you die a virgin, then where does your v-card go? Does it go with you to the grave, or does your mortician take it from you?
Suicide is illegal because it's a crime to destroy government property.
Where did Sally go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
I have an EpiPen.
My friend gave it to me when he was dying.
It seemed really important to him that I have it.
There was a costume party on Halloween. Everyone was there except one guy. Many people asked his brother where he was. His reply was, "Oh, he wanted to be our dad for Halloween."
Son: Dad? Why is mommy no longer with us?
Dad: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Son: Why?
Dad: To get to the other side, but your mother only made it about halfway.
When the cannibal was late for dinner, he got the cold shoulder.
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and an airplane landing strip? Don't know, neither did my dad.
What turns red, blue then white? The last person that I'd strangle.
You wanna know why I love trains?
They end my suffering.
A suicide bomber's biggest fear is dying alone.
Someone asked me why I'm still here... the answer is simple: I don't want to be used as a school assembly.
I'll always remember my dad's last words... "Why do you have an axe? We live in the city!"
My dad and I went to the hospital once, and he said he'd be fine and it'd only take a few minutes.
Lying bastard never came out.
What's the difference between my dad and a hooker?
Hookers come back.
Give a man a plane ticket and he'll fly for a day. Push a man from a plane and he'll fly for the rest of his life.
I like my people how I like my tea...
In a bag under water.
A pilot is having a talk with one of his passengers. The passenger asks, "Why did you become a pilot?" The pilot replies with, "To face my fears." The passenger then says, "You're afraid of heights?" "No, I'm afraid of dying alone."
Q: What did one emo kid say to the other emo kid?
A: Wanna hang out?
