Death jokes
Stephen Hawking died because his screw fell out.
Teacher: I am an orphan.
Students: Oof.
Teacher: Is there anyone missing?
Students: Your parents!
Did you hear about the dead Italian chef?
He pasta way!
It’s so sad how Stephen Hawking was just rolling too far away from the outlet. RIP :(
Ammon died.
Trout lowk make me think about the early death of Wayne Shorter
It was raining sadly all day. My wife, my two daughters, and me were stuck in the house when wife’s mom and dad just died.
Wife: 😭😭😭I wish this never happened.
Mia, our first daughter: Mommy, it’s ok. I love whenever I see you🥰🥰
Abby, our second daughter: I love you all. Only if you guys die I won’t, but I love you when you're alive 😉😏
Me, husband: What kind of nonsense was that? You love us when we’re alive, but you don’t love us when we’re dead🤥😥😓
Everyone except Abby: Abby, this is serious. Mommy’s mother and father died. Mia says: Yes, your mom is sadly down right now, you made her more sad😡🤬. Dad says: *sniffs* Abby, I had made a discussion. I will take you to an orphanage. I am sorry 😣 when I am better and happy and I forgot what you said then we’ll get you back. Mom says:
This was not a joke. I just did this for Love 💕
The guy who stole my diary just died. My thoughts are with his family.
My friend's dad died during 9/11. He was such a good pilot, but my friend kept disturbing him, so when his dad died, he said, "It was you who killed me" (to the child).
So the child said, "Yoo-hoo? What type of name is Yoo-hoo, but Yoo-hoo, Yoo-hoo come here, I need to kill you NOW."
Why did my parents walk to the other side?
...Why?
What do you call a graveyard full of disabled people?
A cabbage patch.
One time I fucked this chick so hard, she almost came back to life.
What do you call an emo who just crossed the road? Roadkill.
Your mama is so stupid, her phone died, so she buried it in the backyard!
Why did the blind man get killed? Because he never saw it coming.
When you have a box of dead babies in your garage and one of them is alive at the bottom and has to eat its way out but goes back for seconds.
I got you the candy. Haha! You idiot, it's poison!
— Can I borrow a book [on] how to kill myself?
— Librarian: No, because you won’t bring it back.
I have a friend who doesn't have a dad.
He says: "You're useless, go to hell!"
Me: "Wait, why do you want me to join your dad?"
My brother went missing 5 years ago. He also supported TRUMP. He is currently dead in my basement in a chest in a cupboard.
Why did the skeleton not go to the dance?
Because he had no BODY to go with!