Death jokes
Why did Mr. Peanut die?
His cane snapped!
A man and his friend walk into a bar on a 30-story building and order a drink of beer. Then one of the men jumps out the window and he can fly, so he says to his mate, "Gary, take a sip of this drink, it makes you fly!" So Gary takes a sip of the drink, jumps out the window, and dies. And the bartender says, "Gee, Superman, you're a douche when you drink!"
My dick actually destroyed the Death Star.
My grandmother made her passage on a boat. The thing wasn’t the only thing that went down.
That's why your grandma 6 ft deep, feet!
How are babies and the elderly similar?
They are both fun to throw out of moving cars.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
He didn't have the guts.
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
More than five because my basement is still dark.
What's the difference between a dead person and a walkie-talkie?
A dead person does not walkie or talkie.
I asked someone why they were crying. They told me that they had to abort their twins.
Then someone yelled "DAMN DOUBLE HOMICIDE!"
Why was 6 afraid of 7? Seven’s been worried about six even since he left Afghanistan. Every time 6 closes his eyes, he sees the war and hears the gunshots. He sees the blood, the killing, the death, and soldiers falling. When he looks at seven, he remembers when they were forced to eat their own flesh to not starve in those caves. He sees the war and the flashbacks will come back forever, burned into his soul and mind.
Last week I found out my toaster is waterproof.
I'm a magician. Watch my closing act at the end of the rope.
Juice WRLD died a legend. Making these jokes won't get you anywhere. Grow up.
A kid had school today.
He was late every single day. He said in his mind, "I wish I can go to school again." What happened? It's obvious...... He died :)
How do you make an orphan clap until his hands bleed?
Tell him to clap until his parents come home.
What did one aborted baby say to the other? Nothing. They're both dead.
Two skeletons meet at the graveyard at noon.
"What the heck are you doing here?"
"I couldn't sleep."
Kms.
My ex died in an anchorage accident.
She always was a sleeping hooker.