I was making a bet with my grandfather who would die first I said that I would die first. He said "Bet" and Died after he drank his coffee He was my least favorite grandparent
Three men are outside Heaven's gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them "Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven".
The first guy says "I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times". The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says "11 years and only once" and is granted a Mercedes.
The last man says "20 years and not once , I loved her with all my heart" and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says " I know we are dead but it could be much worse".
The guy looks up and says "How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard"
My grandfather died at atshuitz Poor fella fell of the guard tower
I will never forget my Grandpa's last words, "What are you doing with that rope and saw"
What's the difference between Jesus and a dead, naked baby.
I don't worship Jesus.
So Kobe Bryant walked into a bar just kidding he's dead and his fame went spiraling out of control.
Today I went to the doctor for a test and he said I have 10 months to live. So later that day I stabbed him to death & the judge sentenced me for 15 years in prison. Problem solved
What can Michael Jackson eat In his coffin ⚰️? Nothing only brown bread what they call it 😂😂
Where can you find a list of dead astronauts? In the orbituaries.
where did stephan hawking go after he died? fnaf sister location
What did Stephen hawkings computer say when he died ?? .... ERROR
did you ear about the guy who got his entire left side cut off? well, he's dead.
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R.I.P Queen Elizabeth II. 1926-2022
They asked me to speak at this funeral, and I said “Of corpse”!
What did grandpa say before he died in the hospital bed?
"boy, could you put my phone on charging?"
3 people died and went to Hell. One of them is from America, the second guy is from Germany, and the third guy is from Afghanistan. The devil lets each person make a phone call to their loved ones in the country they came from but they will be charged. The American spends 10 minutes on the phone and is charged $20. The German spends 12 minutes on the phone and is charged $24. The man from Afghanistan spends half an hour on the phone and is charged nothing. The other two guys asked the devil why. The devil responded: "Local calls are free".
Three dead bodies are delivered to the mortuary one day. Each of them has a great big smile on their face.
The coroner examines the bodies and then calls the police to tell them what has happened.
"First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector", says the coroner.
"Second body: Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
The inspector then asks, "What about the third body?"
"Ah," says the coroner, "This is the most unusual one. Billy-Bob the redneck from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning."
"Why is he smiling then?" asks the inspector.
"He thought he was having his picture taken."
Whats the only good part of your crush dying before you have the chance to bang her?
She can't say no!
I walk in from work to find my wife dead on the sofa. As I unzip for one last ride she says BOO! What kind of sick fuck does that?
I like my women like i like my coffee nice fresh and dead
