Death jokes
Bro told me this when he passed away.
I’m “Fading.”
Why did Jesus die at the diving Olympics? Because he can't go through water.
Damn! Really stole my friend's glasses. Well, now they're blind, but not really, they're dead.
Me: I fucked your mom.
Orphan: I don't have a mom so you fucked the air.
My life.
Kill me, please.
Yo mama so fat that she would die before reaching the gates of heaven.
What do you call a dad without a dad joke?
Dead.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he was part of the Lazy Bones team!
Why did the orphan cross the road?
Because they thought they saw their parents. (Plot twist: the orphan got ran over.)
It was raining sadly all day. My wife, my two daughters, and me were stuck in the house when wife’s mom and dad just died.
Wife: 😭😭😭I wish this never happened.
Mia, our first daughter: Mommy, it’s ok. I love whenever I see you🥰🥰
Abby, our second daughter: I love you all. Only if you guys die I won’t, but I love you when you're alive 😉😏
Me, husband: What kind of nonsense was that? You love us when we’re alive, but you don’t love us when we’re dead🤥😥😓
Everyone except Abby: Abby, this is serious. Mommy’s mother and father died. Mia says: Yes, your mom is sadly down right now, you made her more sad😡🤬. Dad says: *sniffs* Abby, I had made a discussion. I will take you to an orphanage. I am sorry 😣 when I am better and happy and I forgot what you said then we’ll get you back. Mom says:
This was not a joke. I just did this for Love 💕
You wanna know what I have in common with an apple?
We BOTH look good hanging in a tree.
If an old person tells you what to do just say, "At least my parents are alive!"
My mom told me to unplug all the electronics, so I unplugged my grandma's life support.
What do you call an orphan you put into a volcano with a wheelchair?
Hot Wheels.
-->[]life death[]<--
As I was eating this girl out, I thought I tasted some horse semen... I exclaimed, "Oh, Grandma! That's how you died!"
Kobe likes his shoes like the way he died.
Air.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because his son wanted to charge their phone, so they unplugged him.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
His Windows update wasn't available.
When I was a kid, I knew a woman named Betty Pears.
She died a horrible death from Alzheimer's.
I thought a pear was a fruit, not a vegetable!