Death jokes

Why were 6 scared of 7? Because 7 8 9. Then why was 10 afraid? Because it was between 9/11.

What do you think was going through the heads of the 9/11 victims on floor 43? Floor 44 💀💀

How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?

Must be more than 13, because my basement is still dark.

What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk.

Person: Where do I commit suicide?

Dog: Roof.

Person: Good idea.

RIP boiling water. You will be mist.

A fat man meets a skinny man.

The fat man tells the skinny man: "When people look at you, they think the world's starving to death."

And the skinny man responds: "When they look at you, they know why."

What's the best way to cure the hiccups? Suicide.

I like my humor like my people. Well done.

Why is it that when women decide to kill an unborn baby, it's a "CHOICE," but when I decide to drive my F-150 into a playground full of kids, it's called "MURDER"!

I had a friend who was a deep sleeper. One day, a fire started in his house. Now he's a really deep sleeper.

What has more brains than Kurt Cobain?

The wall behind him.

If I wanted to kill myself, I would climb up to the top of your ego and jump to your IQ.

Did you know that when pigeons have sex, they die?

Really?

Well, the one I fucked did.

Whats the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead hookers, i don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

Why did Nicholas Cage and Angelina Jolie attend Paul Walker’s funeral?

He went from "The Fast and the Furious" to "Gone in 60 Seconds."

If a person shoots a person about to commit suicide, is it making it less painful, or is it murder?

Kid: But, Mom, I don't want to see Grandma.

Mom: Shut up and keep digging.

What is worse than a dead baby? A pile of dead babies.

What's worse than that? The one at the bottom is still alive.

What is worse still? It has to eat its way out.

What's worse than that? It went back for seconds.

What does a pulse and an orgasm have in common?

I don't care if she has one.

Random guy: "Go suck a D*ck!"

Me: Nah, I'd rather suck a 9mm.