Death jokes

For dinner, this girl had noodles. The next day, she could not find her skinny sister. The mom said, "Your sister is dead!" sadly. The girl asked, "She was skinny, right?" The mom said yes. The sister laughed, "I ate her! That’s why the noodles were very skinny!"

What do classical musicians do when they die?

They decompose.

Before I die, I'm going to ask to be cremated.

Then I'm going to eat a bunch of popcorn kernels.

Then I'll die and get cremated. BOOM! I'm popcorn!

Why can’t Helen Keller have kids?

Answer: She’s dead.

I usually tell jokes about Kobe, but they usually crash and burn.

Two Twin Towers topple to terrorists terrorizing twenty to-be-doomed trip takers.

My father died in 9/11. It's such a shame. He was a great pilot. 😔

What's stiff and 6 inches long?

SIDS.

My ex died today.

I also lost my job as a butcher.

*At A Funeral For Someone Who Jumped Off A Building* Victim's Mom: "I wonder what was the last thing that went through his head..."

Me: "Honestly... Probably his ass."

What does the Bible stand for?

Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth.

What’s the difference between dead babies and a cat?

The cat is still alive.

What’s the difference between cat food and tonight’s dinner?

Nothing, it’s all just mystery meat.

What is Beethoven doing right now?

Nothing, because he is dead.

What's the difference between an apple and a dead baby?

I don't jizz on an apple before eating it.

Guys we should stop making orphan jokes. Their parents will get mad... oh wait... Continue 🙂

One day, in the Serengeti, a zebra started wondering if he was a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. So he goes around asking all the animals. He never gets his answer.

One fateful day, he dies and goes to Heaven. In Heaven, the zebra gets an idea. "I will go ask God!" So, he asks God, and God chuckles. "You are what you are!"

The zebra gets sad. He walks around and his dead zebra friend shows up. He asks, "What is wrong?" The zebra answers, "Well, I asked God if I was either a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. He just replied 'You are what you are!'"

His friend says, "Oh! You are a white horse with black stripes! Why? Because he would have said 'You is what you is!'"

Why is Stephen Hawking in hell?

He couldn't get his wheelchair up the stairway to heaven.

Why did the family move away?

Because they lost their son.

Someone dies.

What is the difference between a pile of dead babies and a red Ferrari?

I don't have the Ferrari.