Death jokes

Someone went up to an orphan and asked him why he was talking to the air. He said he was talking to his mom.

I usually tell jokes about Kobe, but they usually crash and burn.

Two Twin Towers topple to terrorists terrorizing twenty to-be-doomed trip takers.

My father died in 9/11. It's such a shame. He was a great pilot. 😔

Why can’t Helen Keller have kids?

Answer: She’s dead.

My ex died today.

I also lost my job as a butcher.

What's stiff and 6 inches long?

SIDS.

What do classical musicians do when they die?

They decompose.

A lady asked if I heard about the mass shooting in Ohio. I said yes, my friend died there. She said I’m so sorry. I said yeah, I tried telling him the police had good aim. Worse than that, he just found out his sister was cheating on him.

*At A Funeral For Someone Who Jumped Off A Building* Victim's Mom: "I wonder what was the last thing that went through his head..."

Me: "Honestly... Probably his ass."

Why didn't the skeleton go to prom?

He was dead. You fool. You fell for my trick. I'm very heartless.

Oh wait.

You fool!

Roses are red, I wish you were dead.

What’s the difference between dead babies and a cat?

The cat is still alive.

What’s the difference between cat food and tonight’s dinner?

Nothing, it’s all just mystery meat.

What does the Bible stand for?

Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth.

What is Beethoven doing right now?

Nothing, because he is dead.

What's the difference between an apple and a dead baby?

I don't jizz on an apple before eating it.

Guys we should stop making orphan jokes. Their parents will get mad... oh wait... Continue 🙂

One day, in the Serengeti, a zebra started wondering if he was a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. So he goes around asking all the animals. He never gets his answer.

One fateful day, he dies and goes to Heaven. In Heaven, the zebra gets an idea. "I will go ask God!" So, he asks God, and God chuckles. "You are what you are!"

The zebra gets sad. He walks around and his dead zebra friend shows up. He asks, "What is wrong?" The zebra answers, "Well, I asked God if I was either a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. He just replied 'You are what you are!'"

His friend says, "Oh! You are a white horse with black stripes! Why? Because he would have said 'You is what you is!'"

Why is Stephen Hawking in hell?

He couldn't get his wheelchair up the stairway to heaven.

Someone dies.