Death jokes
Bully: You're gonna die.
Me: Hurry up then.
At weddings, old people poke me and say, "You're next!" So I do the same to them at funerals.
Friends are like penguins: if you stab them, they die. 😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈
What do you call a nine year old with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
Q: How many dead babies does it take to paint the wall?
A: Depends how hard you throw them.
How do we know Stephen is dying in hell?
There’s a stairway to heaven.
Two Twin Towers topple to terrorists terrorizing twenty to-be-doomed trip takers.
Knock, knock.
Orphan: Who's there?
Not your parents!
My ex died today.
I also lost my job as a butcher.
They say the surest way to a man’s heart is through the stomach. But, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours.
Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
What do classical musicians do when they die?
They decompose.
Someone went up to an orphan and asked him why he was talking to the air. He said he was talking to his mom.
For dinner, this girl had noodles. The next day, she could not find her skinny sister. The mom said, "Your sister is dead!" sadly. The girl asked, "She was skinny, right?" The mom said yes. The sister laughed, "I ate her! That’s why the noodles were very skinny!"
Helicopter, helicopter, Kobe Bryant in my chopper, Sitting next to burning daughter, Lots of smoke and little laughter.
I tried to start a music career, but it crashed harder than Paul Walker.
My father died in 9/11. It's such a shame. He was a great pilot. 😔
I usually tell jokes about Kobe, but they usually crash and burn.
Why can’t Helen Keller have kids?
Answer: She’s dead.
A lady asked if I heard about the mass shooting in Ohio. I said yes, my friend died there. She said I’m so sorry. I said yeah, I tried telling him the police had good aim. Worse than that, he just found out his sister was cheating on him.