Death jokes
What’s the difference between prison and concentration camps?
At least you don’t die when you shower.
Helicopter, helicopter, Kobe Bryant in my chopper, Sitting next to burning daughter, Lots of smoke and little laughter.
Someone went up to an orphan and asked him why he was talking to the air. He said he was talking to his mom.
Roses are red, I wish you were dead.
For dinner, this girl had noodles. The next day, she could not find her skinny sister. The mom said, "Your sister is dead!" sadly. The girl asked, "She was skinny, right?" The mom said yes. The sister laughed, "I ate her! That’s why the noodles were very skinny!"
I tried to start a music career, but it crashed harder than Paul Walker.
Knock, knock.
Orphan: Who's there?
Not your parents!
A lady asked if I heard about the mass shooting in Ohio. I said yes, my friend died there. She said I’m so sorry. I said yeah, I tried telling him the police had good aim. Worse than that, he just found out his sister was cheating on him.
*At A Funeral For Someone Who Jumped Off A Building* Victim's Mom: "I wonder what was the last thing that went through his head..."
Me: "Honestly... Probably his ass."
Why didn't the skeleton go to prom?
He was dead. You fool. You fell for my trick. I'm very heartless.
Oh wait.
You fool!
Two Twin Towers topple to terrorists terrorizing twenty to-be-doomed trip takers.
My father died in 9/11. It's such a shame. He was a great pilot. 😔
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours.
Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
They say the surest way to a man’s heart is through the stomach. But, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.
What do classical musicians do when they die?
They decompose.
I usually tell jokes about Kobe, but they usually crash and burn.
Why can’t Helen Keller have kids?
Answer: She’s dead.
My ex died today.
I also lost my job as a butcher.
What's stiff and 6 inches long?
SIDS.
What does the Bible stand for?
Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth.