Death jokes
You got a black cat.
He was bad luck.
Everyone left you and you committed suicide.
What a CATastrophe!
At weddings, old people poke me and say, "You're next!" So I do the same to them at funerals.
Bully: You're gonna die.
Me: Hurry up then.
What is George Floyd's pickup line?
You are breathtaking.
What do you call a nine year old with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
What colors were Kurt Cobain's eyes? Blue! One blew right and the other blew up!
How do we know Stephen is dying in hell?
There’s a stairway to heaven.
Friends are like penguins: if you stab them, they die. 😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈
Q: How many dead babies does it take to paint the wall?
A: Depends how hard you throw them.
For dinner, this girl had noodles. The next day, she could not find her skinny sister. The mom said, "Your sister is dead!" sadly. The girl asked, "She was skinny, right?" The mom said yes. The sister laughed, "I ate her! That’s why the noodles were very skinny!"
Roses are red, I wish you were dead.
Someone went up to an orphan and asked him why he was talking to the air. He said he was talking to his mom.
They say the surest way to a man’s heart is through the stomach. But, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.
*At A Funeral For Someone Who Jumped Off A Building* Victim's Mom: "I wonder what was the last thing that went through his head..."
Me: "Honestly... Probably his ass."
What do classical musicians do when they die?
They decompose.
Knock, knock.
Orphan: Who's there?
Not your parents!
I tried to start a music career, but it crashed harder than Paul Walker.
Two Twin Towers topple to terrorists terrorizing twenty to-be-doomed trip takers.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours.
Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
My father died in 9/11. It's such a shame. He was a great pilot. 😔