Death jokes
I once asked a sketchy man at a bar for some relationship advice. He simply replied, "They're all dead hookers once they're in the trunk."
I'll always remember my Dad's last words before he died on 9/11... Allahu Akbar!
Do you know how to make a plumber cry?
Kill his family.
That moment when the emo kid hangs himself in a bathroom stall, and the autistic kid thinks it's a pinata.
Why did the orphan fall off the mountain? Because his parents let go.
Guys, stop making jokes about orphan's parents.
Who will be told? Oh wait.
What do you do if you see a nigger shot 50 times? Stop laughing and reload.
A 23 year old priest walks into a high school with an automatic weapon. He tells those who believe in God to stand up and leave.
To the children who don't leave, he says, "Do not worry my children, I shall make thou 'hole-y' as well."
He then proceeds to shoot all of the students left.
Hey, Reaper!!! Where are you going?
"I finished my job."
What about me?
I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence." Anybody relate?
What's worse than a dead baby?
A pile of dead babies. What's worse than that? The one on the bottom is alive. And what's worst than that is, the baby has to eat its way out.
If a baby dies in the womb, is it considered suicide?
My friend committed suicide yesterday... At least he went out with a bang.
What do you call a pedophile who's dying? You.
Bro, if I die, I want to die blown up by 34 pounds of C4 at a furry convention.
I will never forget my girlfriend's last words... "Get off of me! STOP!" *slurp*... Dead.
If I die, delete my search history.
People tell Kobe to fly high, but when he flew high, he died.
What's the best comeback for a person calling you an orphan?
Kill their parents.
Fastest story readers are 9/11 victims.
They went through 87 stories in 7 seconds.