Death jokes

What's the difference between a skeleton and a baby? I don't set the skeleton on fire.

What's similar between a pregnant 14 y/o girl and the foetus inside of her?

They both are thinking "My mom's gonna kill me!"

What was blue and black and doesn't like to have sex... The little girl in my trunk.

You got a black cat.

He was bad luck.

Everyone left you and you committed suicide.

What a CATastrophe!

Bully: You're gonna die.

Me: Hurry up then.

At weddings, old people poke me and say, "You're next!" So I do the same to them at funerals.

Q: How many dead babies does it take to paint the wall?

A: Depends how hard you throw them.

Friends are like penguins: if you stab them, they die. 😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈

How do we know Stephen is dying in hell?

There’s a stairway to heaven.

What do you call a nine year old with no friends?

A Sandy Hook survivor.

What’s the difference between prison and concentration camps?

At least you don’t die when you shower.

Helicopter, helicopter, Kobe Bryant in my chopper, Sitting next to burning daughter, Lots of smoke and little laughter.

I would like to die like my Islamic father, in his sleep, but not like the rest of the people in the plane or those in those identical towers.

Roses are red, I wish you were dead.

I tried to start a music career, but it crashed harder than Paul Walker.

Knock, knock.

Orphan: Who's there?

Not your parents!

Why didn't the skeleton go to prom?

He was dead. You fool. You fell for my trick. I'm very heartless.

Oh wait.

You fool!

A lady asked if I heard about the mass shooting in Ohio. I said yes, my friend died there. She said I’m so sorry. I said yeah, I tried telling him the police had good aim. Worse than that, he just found out his sister was cheating on him.

Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours.

Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

Someone went up to an orphan and asked him why he was talking to the air. He said he was talking to his mom.