Death jokes
Why do people always talk about nine eleven???
My dad died that day.
He was a good pilot.
What's white, red, and screams a lot?
A baby in a blender.
What's the difference between a skeleton and a baby? I don't set the skeleton on fire.
What's similar between a pregnant 14 y/o girl and the foetus inside of her?
They both are thinking "My mom's gonna kill me!"
What was blue and black and doesn't like to have sex... The little girl in my trunk.
Memes
You got a black cat.
He was bad luck.
Everyone left you and you committed suicide.
What a CATastrophe!
Bully: You're gonna die.
Me: Hurry up then.
At weddings, old people poke me and say, "You're next!" So I do the same to them at funerals.
Friends are like penguins: if you stab them, they die. 😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈
What do you call a nine year old with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
Q: How many dead babies does it take to paint the wall?
A: Depends how hard you throw them.
How do we know Stephen is dying in hell?
There’s a stairway to heaven.
What’s the difference between prison and concentration camps?
At least you don’t die when you shower.
They say the surest way to a man’s heart is through the stomach. But, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours.
Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
Knock, knock.
Orphan: Who's there?
Not your parents!
I tried to start a music career, but it crashed harder than Paul Walker.
I would like to die like my Islamic father, in his sleep, but not like the rest of the people in the plane or those in those identical towers.
For dinner, this girl had noodles. The next day, she could not find her skinny sister. The mom said, "Your sister is dead!" sadly. The girl asked, "She was skinny, right?" The mom said yes. The sister laughed, "I ate her! That’s why the noodles were very skinny!"
Helicopter, helicopter, Kobe Bryant in my chopper, Sitting next to burning daughter, Lots of smoke and little laughter.