Death jokes
Two skeletons meet at the graveyard at noon.
"What the heck are you doing here?"
"I couldn't sleep."
There's a plane crash. Every single person died.
Who lived? The married people!
Old people kept saying "you're next" to me at weddings, so I started saying it to them at funerals.
You were sad because your grandmother died.
The next day, you were washing your face, and you realize sadness made your face BLUE.
Girl: "How do you feel about abortion?"
Dad: "Ask your sister."
Girl: "I don't have a..."
What's the difference between Jordan and George Floyd? Jordan had air.
My cousin asked me, "What do you think was going through Hitler's mind right before he died?"
I told him, "Probably a bullet."
Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?
He pasta-way.
A depressed kid was stuck on a tree, and a man saw the kid.
Man: "Hang in there! I'm gonna get some help!"
Two minutes later, the kid literally did what the guy said.
RIP Daniel Kyre from Cyndago (July 6, 1994-September 18, 2015)
Daniel committed suicide five years ago today......
Did you know Paul Walker had dandruff?
Neither did I until I found his Head and Shoulders in the glove compartment.
How do you tell if someone is depressed?
The brains on the wall.
What do you get when you throw a pile of dead babies into a fryer?
Kentucky Fried Children!
What's it called when you eat those same babies?
Finger Lickin' Good!
I keep looking for my girlfriend's killer, but no one wants to do it.
Why can't Cleopatra ride a bicycle?
Because she's dead.
Technically, suicide is murder, and murder is illegal, so if I kill myself, my body should go to jail.
What's 6ft long, red, and my girlfriend cries when I feed it to her?
A miscarriage.
How did a man know his wife died?
Dishis start piling up.
Why is Lani Jesus? Go die.
Q: If George Washington was alive today, what would he do?
A: Scratch mercilessly at the coffin walls, while screaming at the top of his lungs!
Technoblade would love it here.