Death jokes
Did you hear about the unborn fetus? Oh wait, never mind, it must have been aborted from the sight.
What's the difference between a cop and a bullet?
When a bullet kills someone, it gets fired.
Who are the world's fastest readers?
9/11 victims. 100 stories in 11 seconds.
When a person went to a restaurant, they died once they were in. Three people were a suspect. Two were suspected because she served the food. Turns out, it was the food!
An orphan finds a genie.
Orphan: "My first wish is to be rich."
Genie: "Of course."
Orphan: "My second wish is to be famous."
Genie: "Done."
Orphan: "I wish my parents could come back!"
Genie: "I told you I can't bring people back from the dead!"
What do you get when you put a baby in a box filled with glass and nails and push it down the stairs?
... A boner.
Like this if you have ever had a family member die.
What's funny about dead baby jokes? - They never get old.
A leaf and a depressed kid fall from a building. Which hits the ground first?
The leaf, the rope stops the depressed kid.
Farrah Fawcett, upon arriving at the pearly gates, God asked her, for having led such an honest life, to grant her one wish. Farrah simply requested that the children of the world would be safe.
Five hours later, Michael Jackson died.
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and the people at the old folks home?
They both collapsed.
Why was there a box in a church? Because there was a funeral.
Toaster + Bath = The ultimate bath bomb!
Joaquin Phoenix as The Joker is like Heath Ledger if he overdosed on prescription drugs... Oh, wait. He already did.
How did Stephen Hawking really die?
His wife grounded him from using electronics and unplugged everything!
How to make an orphan die?
Tell them to yell until their folks come home.
It’s so sad how Stephen Hawking was just rolling too far away from the outlet. RIP :(
I am crying tears of joy rn. I was wrongfully sentenced to death. They took me to prison to wait for my execution, but when I got there, they said that I was free. I asked them why and they told me that a man named Penaldo had taken my death penalty for me. Thank you, Penaldo!
How do make an adult cry?
Stab him 10000 times until the floors are red with human blood.
What does a cannibal ask for when leaving a restaurant?
"Can I have a bodybag?"