Death jokes
What's funny about dead baby jokes? - They never get old.
What's better than throwing dead babes?
Catching them after with a pitchfork.
I love fire. My friends love it too. When I set them on fire, they run around and scream. They sometimes get so tired they immediately fall asleep forever. Also, they need a shower.
What did Cermet the frog say at Jim Henson's funeral?
Nothing...
1: I wish my cancer could kill me quicker so I don't have to do this class anymore.
2: I'm dying, finally.
3: I'm sorry, I can't go to your party because I'm expected to be dead by then.
On a serious note, I might actually have cancer and I'm getting checks. I hope for the best :/
What’s made of wood and is zig zag shaped?
Stephen Hawking's coffin.
A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian said: “Fuck off, you won’t bring it back.”
How to kill a blond: put a scratch & sniff in a pool.
"Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?"
"To the morgue."
"What? But I’m not dead yet!"
"And we’re not there yet."
Why does Aaron always look depressed? Because his grandma's dead.
What's the difference between a potted plant and your wife?
The first is easier to bury.
So, a guy walks into a bar, and he tells the bartender, "After this last drink, I'm going to the roof to kill myself." A guy sitting next to him says, "I wouldn't do that if I were you." in which the man replies, "Oh yeah?" So, they both take their shots and go up to the roof. The guy says, "You're not gonna die, watch this!" He jumps off the roof and comes back up. The man rubs his eyes and tells him to go it again. He comes down and comes back up. The man says, "Cool, let me try!" and he jumps down only to kill himself. The guy goes back to the bar, and the bartender says, "Superman, you're an asshole."
Why did the murderer invest in condoms? To kill the future buyers!
Your mother is so fat, she broke the stairway to heaven when she died. jaja ur momma dead.
If I smiled one centimeter each time I watched someone I hated die, I'd look like the Cheshire Cat.
Famous last words of my uncle, (a bomb disposal expert): "yes, the red wire."
Give a man a match, and he's warm for a few minutes. Set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
How many children can you fit in a box?
Maybe five if you have a trash compactor.
For this orphan, his dad didn't only go and get the milk. His mom did too.
Roses are red, violets are blue, my mom and dad died, next you'll be gone too.