Death jokes

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you throw it.

How did the Apple and the emo fall off the tree at the same time?

Because Paul Walker crashed into it.

Grandpa's last words: "Why do you have a chainsaw?"

Why did Sarah fall off a skyscraper?

Because she made her dad mad.

I remember when I was at a funeral at the age of 6. I was with my grandma and asked, "Grandma, Grandma, why is that man in a box?"

And she says, "He's in a better place now." I look at her confused and ask, "What kind of box did he live in before?! How is this box better than the last one?! It's just a box!"

And to this day I am still not allowed to go to funerals.

A man dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he sees an angel standing in the center of a room, surrounded by clocks. The man goes over to the angel and says, "What are these clocks for?" The angel looks at him. "These are lie clocks," the angel says, "every time someone lies, it ticks once. Mother Teresa never lied, so hers is at noon, and Honest Abe only lied twice." The man asks, "Where is Bill Clinton's clock?" The angel smiles, then points up at the fan.

Did you hear about Paul Walker's rap?

Wrapped around that tree.

My grandfather tells me I'm too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

What was the last thing that crossed Princess Diana's mind?

The steering wheel.

I remember Grandpa's last words, "Oh, shit! It's in drive!"

I am crying tears of joy rn. I was wrongfully sentenced to death. They took me to prison to wait for my execution, but when I got there, they said that I was free. I asked them why and they told me that a man named Penaldo had taken my death penalty for me. Thank you, Penaldo!

How did Stephen Hawking die?

He tried to update to Windows 10, and his hard drive corrupted.

My uncle died on nine eleven... he was the best pilot in Iraq.

I don't have much motivation for things, that's why I haven't yet killed myself, hehe.

"Suicide is a murder, and my body should go to jail."

Did you know that graveyards are the most popular place in the world?

Yeah, people are just DYING to get in there...

I remember my uncle's last words:

"I don't think we're going shooting today."

What's the last thing that went through Curt Cobain's mind?

His teeth.

I remember my dad's last words: "I met your father."

What can Michael Jackson eat in his coffin?

Nothing, only brown bread, what they call it! 😂😂😂