Death jokes

Why did Sarah fall off a skyscraper?

Because she made her dad mad.

I remember when I was at a funeral at the age of 6. I was with my grandma and asked, "Grandma, Grandma, why is that man in a box?"

And she says, "He's in a better place now." I look at her confused and ask, "What kind of box did he live in before?! How is this box better than the last one?! It's just a box!"

And to this day I am still not allowed to go to funerals.

A man dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he sees an angel standing in the center of a room, surrounded by clocks. The man goes over to the angel and says, "What are these clocks for?" The angel looks at him. "These are lie clocks," the angel says, "every time someone lies, it ticks once. Mother Teresa never lied, so hers is at noon, and Honest Abe only lied twice." The man asks, "Where is Bill Clinton's clock?" The angel smiles, then points up at the fan.

Did you hear about Paul Walker's rap?

Wrapped around that tree.

My grandfather tells me I'm too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

I remember Grandpa's last words, "Oh, shit! It's in drive!"

What was the last thing that crossed Princess Diana's mind?

The steering wheel.

I don't have much motivation for things, that's why I haven't yet killed myself, hehe.

"Suicide is a murder, and my body should go to jail."

How did Stephen Hawking die?

He tried to update to Windows 10, and his hard drive corrupted.

My uncle died on nine eleven... he was the best pilot in Iraq.

Hitler killed 18 million and only died once.

Fucking camper!

My friend told me to make more friends, so I joined a suicide cult.

I’ll be hanging with them for a while.

I remember my dad's last words: "I met your father."

What can Michael Jackson eat in his coffin?

Nothing, only brown bread, what they call it! 😂😂😂

What was the last thing that went through the heads of the 9/11 jumpers?

Their ankles.

What's the difference between the Twin Towers and the people at the old folks home?

They both collapsed.

Why did the serial killer cross the road? To get to the victim's house.

Knock, knock. Who's there? The serial killer.

What is an orphan's excuse to leave a party?

"I'm gonna make like my parents and run."

When you're banging the class slut and the school shooter says to leave his corpses alone.