Why did the blind man get killed? Because he never saw it coming.
Death Jokes
How did Capetian Hook kill himself? He wiped his butt with the wrong hand.
What’s Queen Elizabeth’s pickup line?
You’re breathtaking!
Kid walks in the door. "Mommy and Daddy, I'm home." Mommy and Daddy meanwhile in their room moaning. Kid runs to them thinking they're hurt and sees something he definitely shouldn't have.
10 minutes later, [he] kills himself.
I killed my cat.
Boy 1: "Sonic is a fictional character."
Boy 2: "Yeah, just like your dad."
I dumped the dead, disabled person's body into a dumpster full of rats.
You've probably heard this one before, but screw it.
What's the difference between Jesus Christ and the kid I just killed?
Jesus Christ probably died a virgin.
Are you a noose, 'cause I wanna hang out with you?
What do you call a dead polar bear?
Anything, they can't hear you!
I bet emo kids are jealous when their phone dies.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
Not to see his parents.
What caused Captain Hook's death?
He accidentally used the wrong hand to wipe his ass.
doctor: you need to eat healthy.
me: no.
doctor: the last patient who didn't change their diet after I suggested it died.
me: oh my goodness.
doctor: in a plane crash.
me: that sounds unrelated.
doctor: I'm the one that crashed it. Do not disobey me!
I have an EpiPen.
My friend gave it to me while he was dying.
It seemed really important to him that I have it.
What if death is hell because there is no bridge to heaven?
What do you call an animal in space? Just death because you need a spacesuit.
Why can't Michael Jackson come within 500 meters of a school?
Because he's dead. 😁
My grandpa said my generation relies too much on technology.
Then I unplugged his life support. :)
Say this when you answer a spam call...
"Hi, welcome to Bob's Taco Shack and Funeral Home, where yesterday's grief is today's beef."
