Death

Death jokes

A man is on his deathbed in prison by electric chair.

The man who controls the chair asks for any last words.

The prisoner replies with: “Can you hold my hand?”

So, I was at a funeral the other day, and it was a school shooting mass funeral. The lady beside me asked me, “What do you think was going through their heads?” And I replied, “Probably a bullet.” She was furious and said, “How dare you! You have no idea what those kids were probably going through!” And I replied, “Well, they were going through anything the bullet was going through them.”

I SH so much, even when I die and become a ghost, you can see red stripes floating around the room.

I think Paul Walker and 9/11 jokes are great, but when I tell them to others, they tend to crash and burn.

There's two reasons guys will hang themselves from the neck.

One is to escape the worthless masquerade of a life we pretend we have, and the second reason is to whack off.

I saw an emo orphan by a tree, and I was going to give it a high-five, but instead I just let it hang.