New Death Jokes - Page 34 - Worst Jokes Ever

Three dead bodies are delivered to the mortuary one day. Each of them has a great big smile on their face.

The coroner examines the bodies and then calls the police to tell them what has happened.

"First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector," says the coroner.

"Second body: Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."

The inspector then asks, "What about the third body?"

"Ah," says the coroner, "This is the most unusual one. Billy-Bob the redneck from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning."

"Why is he smiling then?" asks the inspector.

"He thought he was having his picture taken."

Teacher: Ok class, I'm going to ask a question about your family.

Alex: Miss, my Dad died in 9/11.

Teacher: OH NO, I'M SO SORRY!

Alex: Don't worry miss. It was only Dad and besides, he did what he wanted before he died.

Teacher: What was that?

Alex: Flew the plane.

My crush said that she would rather die than have sex with me...it turns out that she was lying.

When we die we get sent to heaven, but when Stephen Hawking died, he was sent to the cloud

Michael Jackson was working on a cover of a popular Elton John song when he died... His version was to be called "Don't Let Your Son Go Down on Me"...

Who wants to hear the biggest joke ever?

My life🖤

Whats the last thing that went through curt cobains mind? His teeth

Man, I’m so sorry that Steven Hawking is dead he was such a good person. To bad it’s a stair case to Heaven and not a ramp

What is the best thing about being buried alive or burning to death? No funeral costs

It want to die like my grandpa, with a blindfold and a wet sponge on his head

3 people died and went to Hell. One of them is from America, the second guy is from Germany, and the third guy is from Afghanistan. The devil lets each person make a phone call to their loved ones in the country they came from but they will be charged. The American spends 10 minutes on the phone and is charged $20. The German spends 12 minutes on the phone and is charged $24. The man from Afghanistan spends half an hour on the phone and is charged nothing. The other two guys asked the devil why. The devil responded: "Local calls are free".

I have an EpiPen.

My friend gave it to me when he was dying.

It seemed really important to him that I have it.

I remember my grandfather's last words: "Is that loaded?"

How do you get 500 babies in a phone booth?

A blender.

How do you get them out?

A straw.

Why did Steven halkings die.....

A quad rasher ran him over

why did the man die of the actors performance?

the performance was unbeLIVEable

My cousin died last week. He needed a blood transfusion, but we didn't know his blood type. He just kept saying, "B positive, B positive," but it's hard to be positive with him gone.

Two men are in a rainforest and one of them is peeing. Suddenly a snake jumps out of some bushes and bites the man’s penis. The other man says, “ Oh my God, I will go to a doctor immediately!”. He didn’t have enough time to load the man into the car so he went straight to the hospital. The man told the doctor what happened and the doctor said, “You will have to make an incision at the wound and suck the poison out. The man wen back to the other man and said, “ There is no hope, you will die.”