What is Beethoven doing right now?
Nothing, because he is dead.
Give a man a fish, feed him for a day.
Give a man a poison fish, feed him for a lifetime.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
Because his wife died.
"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing, except at a funeral.
Where did Lucy go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
How long does it take for 5 babies to die in the microwave?
I don't know, I can't count while I masturbate...
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
It didn't have the guts to do it.
Where did Sally go when the bomb exploded?
Everywhere.
Why did the cowboy die with his boots on??
He didn’t want to stub his toe when he kicked da bucket 😂🤣👌🏻👌🏻.. knee slapper
Sayo-nara.
Why can't Cleopatra ride a bicycle?
Because she's dead.
THERE IS NO AFTERLIFE.
What's the hardest part of running through a field of dead babies?
My boner.
👌neck
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.
Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally.
What first went through Sally's head when the Nazis came? A bullet.
Where did Sally go when the bomb exploded? Everywhere.
What did Sally get for Christmas? A bike.
Where do mathematicians go to die?
The symmetry.
If you ever have a gay friend whose comatose, tell his family he/she was a fruit. Now he/she's a vegetable, at least they're still in the produce section.
What is worse than a dead baby in a trash can?
100 dead babies in a trash can.
What is worse than that?
There's a live one at the bottom.
What is worse than that?
It eats its way out.
What is worse than that?
It comes back for seconds.
What sound does a baby make when you put it in a blender? I don’t know. I was too busy wanking.
I once heard my dad shout, "I'm going to be like Frozen and let it go!" Then I heard a gunshot.
