Death jokes
How did Steven Hawking die? His WiFi disconnected.
I'm a fast reader, I can go through 20 stories in a few seconds.
Hey, do you know why America sucks? We have the death penalty.
Cremation: Your last chance for a smoking hot body.
"Where ya going?"
"When I die, hell, but right now, my room."
"Kill yourself."
"Kill me yourself, pussy."
I got a lot running through my head right now. I wish at least one was a 12-gauge round.
If I hung myself from a cliff, would people call me a cliffhanger?
I wanna die.
Why did the chicken want to cross the road? Because he was suicidal and wanted to get hit by a car.
Stephen Hawking died because he did a wheelie and unplugged his charger.
The reason Stephen Hawking died was because his ethernet cable disconnected.
How did Steven Hawking die?
He blew a fuse doing an update.
Why was Timmy the only happy person in his family?
Timmy is dead.
Sally jumped out a plane, she forgot her parachute!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally...
How did she die?
A bomb came down whilst falling through the sky.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
A bomb.
"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Because she had no arms."
"Why couldn’t she get up off the ground?" "Because she had no friends."
"Knock knock." "Who’s there?" "Not Susie, she’s still on the ground."
"Where did Susie go when the bomb went off?" "Everywhere."
"Why couldn’t Susie scratch her leg?" "Because it was in a different body bag."
"Why did Susie drop her ice cream?" "She was hit by a bus."
"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Someone threw a refrigerator at her."
Why didn't the chicken cross the road?
He got hit!
I'll never forget my grandfather's last words: "STOP SHAKING THE LADDER, YOU LITTLE CUNT!"
I fear my last words will be "hold my beer and watch this."
What did my grandpa say after he kicked the bucket?
Nothing, I unplugged his life support before he said a word.