Death jokes
Suicide gives you security for the future.
Decide the day of suicide and live with full joy till that day, and you can choose to postpone it.
There was a penguin breathing with his ass. One day, he sat down and he died.
Why are there no women in the NFL?
Commissioner Roger Goodell firmly believes in equal opportunity, so the girl tries out. Then, if she makes the team, we gangbang her to death. I mean, could you imagine what a scary birch she'd have to be?
What's the hardest line to draw in a hospital?
... A FLATLINE!
My nan coughed and threw up a lung. Now she is dead.
Why do cemeteries have fences around them? People are dying to get in.
Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued oh how I wish I was dead so that I no longer have to brood.
Death would be a reprieve as I would no longer have to be true, and I would no longer have to be around any of you.
How Steven Hawking died: because he moved too much during the day and ran out of juice.
I will always remember my uncle's last words, "What's the shovel for?"
Stephen Hawking had a heart attack the year before his death.
They took him to PC World for repairs.
What do you get when you have 10 chicken nuggets and little Jimmy tries to take one?
10 chicken nuggets and a dead little Jimmy.
My dad always wanted one last smoke before his death, so we smoked his ashes.
What's yellow all over and can't swim?
A school bus full of children.
How did Steven Hawking die? His WiFi disconnected.
I'm a fast reader, I can go through 20 stories in a few seconds.
Hey, do you know why America sucks? We have the death penalty.
Cremation: Your last chance for a smoking hot body.
"Where ya going?"
"When I die, hell, but right now, my room."
"Kill yourself."
"Kill me yourself, pussy."
I got a lot running through my head right now. I wish at least one was a 12-gauge round.