What is worse to have - a dead baby or a dead Santa Claus?
Santa. You need extra freezers for reindeer.
Death Jokes
I will always remember the last noise I hear in my school, "oogga booga motherf***ers," click, boom!
What turns red, blue then white? The last person that I'd strangle.
"I’m sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing.
Except at a funeral.
God, I miss Stephen Hawking.
He was brainier than Kurt Cobain's ceiling.
A grandfather is on his rocking chair. His grandson comes to him and asks him to croak, to which the grandfather responds with a "no". His granddaughter then comes along and asks him to croak, to which the grandfather responds, "Why do you keep asking me to croak?" The granddaughter replies, "Because Dad says if you do, we get to go to Disneyland."
Alright kids! Find a good place to stop! Then, out of the blue, Billy died. But hey, he went to a better place.
Why aren't there any closets in southern churches? Closets have coat hangers.
How do you make a plumber sad?
Kill his family.
Mom! I think that dad is sleeping.
Mom: No, honey, I killed him.
Digging stuff up is too hard.
I guess necrophilia isn’t for everybody.
1: I wish my cancer could kill me quicker so I don't have to do this class anymore.
2: I'm dying, finally.
3: I'm sorry, I can't go to your party because I'm expected to be dead by then.
On a serious note, I might actually have cancer and I'm getting checks. I hope for the best :/
If at first you don't succeed,
Maybe Russian Roulette isn't for you.
What does a phone and a grandma have in common? They both die.
What's the difference between them? If you shove something up your grandma's ass, she won't come back to life.
I will remember my biker buddy's last words: "Why did you cut in front of me?"
What is red, green, lies in a ditch, and is covered in cookie crumbs?
...A girl scout that got hit by a car.
A married woman gets hit by a truck, and the cops tell her husband:
Cop: "Sir, it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck."
Man: "I know, but she has a great personality."
How is Stephen Hawking dead?
His Windows shit down.
What's the POINT in stabbing people?
HAHAHA
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Dad!
Dad who?
Silence.
