Death jokes
You know, it's only considered murder if there's a body. Otherwise, it's just a missing person.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
He didn't have the guts.
What's the grossest thing ever?
A bag of dead babies.
What's even more gross?
The bottom one is still wriggling!
They laughed at my crayon drawing.
I laughed at their chalk outline.
Question: How did the cat cross the river?
Answer: It didn’t, it drowned.
Roses are red... Orphans are blue... I killed the priest so I could rape them too.
Stephen Hawking, rest in PC World.
Some people think Bin Laden is dead, but some think he's alive.
He is the Al-Qaeda Elvis.
My true hero is the person who killed Hitler.
What's the difference between baby Jesus and the baby I keep in my basement?
Baby Jesus died a virgin.
What was the last thing that went through Princess Diana's mind?
The steering wheel.
How do you get 500 dead babies into a car?
A blender.
How do you get 500 dead babies out of a car?
A straw.
Your dick is as flat as your grandma's heart rate.
What is the difference in having a granny fetish and necrophilia? A few weeks.
What did the kid with cancer say? "Can-I see my mom one more time?"
The reason Stephen Hawkings died is probably because he fell off his wheelchair, and he must've pressed shut down by accident.
Robin asks Batman what he is getting his parents for Christmas. Batman gets mad, slaps Robin, and runs off crying.
Now you know why Batman Beyond was born when Bruce died. cause of death: suicide
Suicidal people are a big contributor to the rope making industry.
So, a guy walks into a bar, and he tells the bartender, "After this last drink, I'm going to the roof to kill myself." A guy sitting next to him says, "I wouldn't do that if I were you." in which the man replies, "Oh yeah?" So, they both take their shots and go up to the roof. The guy says, "You're not gonna die, watch this!" He jumps off the roof and comes back up. The man rubs his eyes and tells him to go it again. He comes down and comes back up. The man says, "Cool, let me try!" and he jumps down only to kill himself. The guy goes back to the bar, and the bartender says, "Superman, you're an asshole."
Why does Kurt Cobain hate his brother?
Because he's always calling shotgun.