Death jokes
I have an EpiPen.
My friend gave it to me when he was dying.
It seemed really important to him that I have it.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a slice of pizza?
A dead baby can't feed a family.
I remember my grandfather's last words: "Is that loaded?"
How do you get 500 babies in a phone booth?
A blender.
How do you get them out?
A straw.
What is black, white, and red all over?
A dead zebra 🦓
So Timmy was walking down the street with his friend Lea. Suddenly a car drives by and Timmy waves at the car.
Lea looks at him, puzzled, then later asks him; "Why'd you wave at that car back there?"
Timmy replies "Oh that was my brother, he went to the bar. He must just be driving home..."
I was in my guitar class and my strings were dead, and then I realized they were more dead than George Bush on November 30, 2018.
Q: What did the man say after removing another man's hat? A: He was decapitated.
Guess why Stephen died?? Because his wife forgot to put him on charge at night.
Today; worst day ever.
My annoying sibling got hit by a train, and I lost my job as a conductor.
Suicide bombers, carry bombs and remember to breathe.
These murder jokes are just KILLING me!
What’s the difference between a 5.7l v8 and a dead baby?
If you lift the hood on my car, you won’t find a 5.7l v8.
He is dead.
Why did Steven Hawking die?
A quad rasher ran him over.
Why did the man die of the actor's performance?
The performance was unbeLIVEable!
My cousin died last week. He needed a blood transfusion, but we didn't know his blood type. He just kept saying, "B positive, B positive," but it's hard to be positive with him gone.
What is a necrophiliac's favorite candy? A Hearsey's Kiss.
Where did Janet go during the bombing? Everywhere.
What do you think is going through kids' heads during school shootings? Bullets.